Theory: AS lack of street-smarts due to lack of options

Page 3 of 4 [ 46 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Mar1976
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 14 Dec 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 115

12 Mar 2011, 1:12 pm

auntblabby wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
When I find myself in that situation I don't post anything.


and that is why a hermit becomes a hermit. and why do many hermits converse with themselves? probably for the same reason that the caged bird still sings.


I really expected better from people on this forum......clearly I was wrong.

I'm relatively new here, trying to get my head around AS and only here to try to gain a bit of insight.

I've posted, rarely (probably), in comparison to some members on here and only to share a few of my own experiences if the threads happen to be relevant to me; if they aren't I don't post.

I'm still getting to grips with taking part in online forums (I have done so in the past), but it seems I also have online AS, so I probably don't come across very well.

I've read it back and I agree it doesn't make much sense, fair enough. I'm notoriously bad at editing myself and do tend to go on, it's just my way and I can't get out of that habit, just like now!

My comment about 'not creating options' was a reflection of where I am now, I don't go out of my way to meet people because my confidence has been shattered beyond recognition and this is directly as a result of the way certain people have treated me in the last 4 years.
You can create opportunities from nothing with other people if you have the social tools to do so, (isn't that how many people discover friendship, love etc?). I don't have those tools and never have, but I have tried to hone and mimick those skills in the past, sometimes succesfully and sometimes not. But now that my confidence has done a runner, I have no motivation to even try. So I don't create options.


Just because I currently have no options and don't have the confidence to create any, does not mean I'm a hermit. I've really had enough of people assuming things about me in real life, so to have it on a faceless forum, really isn't helpful.

If you're going to quote someone then criticise their comments, the structure of their post, or the lack of pertinent comments to the thread, please have the decency to say it directly to the person and not have a conversation between yourselves on the same thread; I'm right here!

If I'm being paranoid, please tell me and explain your comments.
I suspect I won't get a reply to this.......



daspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,021
Location: Delhi

12 Mar 2011, 1:29 pm

Mar1976 wrote:
I've posted, rarely (probably), in comparison to some members on here and only to share a few of my own experiences if the threads happen to be relevant to me; if they aren't I don't post.

I'm still getting to grips with taking part in online forums (I have done so in the past), but it seems I also have online AS, so I probably don't come across very well.

I've read it back and I agree it doesn't make much sense, fair enough. I'm notoriously bad at editing myself and do tend to go on, it's just my way and I can't get out of that habit, just like now!

Wow, the highlighted part is just what I also have. I also post when I feel strongly about the topic because I have been in that situation unlike some idiot aspies who just post nonsense on every other thread. I was extremely bad at editing and people attributed it to me not being a native speaker of english. I think the reason is recent memory deficit. We tend to see things locally, if I would change the structure of sentence mid way then I would tend to forget that the earlier part also needs a change because of that. I have improved upon that, I lost one pen-pal because of this bad habit. Thank god that now I have one person who does the same :D
"online AS"- a nice concept :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: No contempt intended.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,399

12 Mar 2011, 1:31 pm

It's a bad idea to befriend people out of loneliness. It's better to just be alone.
People tell me I have street smarts, though, even with an ASD. I also got told I have little or no common sense. Are those two things really the same?



daspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,021
Location: Delhi

12 Mar 2011, 1:35 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
It's a bad idea to befriend people out of loneliness. It's better to just be alone.
People tell me I have street smarts, though, even with an ASD. I also got told I have little or no common sense. Are those two things really the same?

Befriend those who strongly share your special interest.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,399

12 Mar 2011, 1:39 pm

daspie wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
It's a bad idea to befriend people out of loneliness. It's better to just be alone.
People tell me I have street smarts, though, even with an ASD. I also got told I have little or no common sense. Are those two things really the same?

Befriend those who strongly share your special interest.

That's a good idea, so long as they are benevolent and have your best interest in mind.



TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 29,539
Location: California

12 Mar 2011, 1:39 pm

I'm generally good at gauging whether someone is no good to be around, but this comes from years of being taken advantage of and being abused by fake friends.

Plus, the abusive childhood I endured gave me some very useful tools to identify toxic people.


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.


Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,587
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

12 Mar 2011, 2:16 pm

auntblabby wrote:
Verdandi wrote:
When I find myself in that situation I don't post anything.


and that is why a hermit becomes a hermit. and why do many hermits converse with themselves? probably for the same reason that the caged bird still sings.


The only reason I'm not a hermit is the lack of resources to sustain such an endeavor.



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,587
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

12 Mar 2011, 2:22 pm

Mar1976 wrote:
Just because I currently have no options and don't have the confidence to create any, does not mean I'm a hermit. I've really had enough of people assuming things about me in real life, so to have it on a faceless forum, really isn't helpful.

If you're going to quote someone then criticise their comments, the structure of their post, or the lack of pertinent comments to the thread, please have the decency to say it directly to the person and not have a conversation between yourselves on the same thread; I'm right here!


That was a digression. I just said "create out of nothing" in Latin, and auntblabby and I had an exchange about how to create something if you have nothing - and I admitted that I don't create something if I have nothing.

The quoted comment in context: auntblabby is a hermit himself, he's said so many times elsewhere on the forum. I presume he meant himself.

I wasn't criticizing anyone in my posts - least of all, you. I have no assumptions about you, as all I know about you is what I've seen in this thread. I don't recall if I've seen you in other threads, but I don't have any negative impressions. I apologize if my posts appeared to be critical or negative toward you.

Quote:
If I'm being paranoid, please tell me and explain your comments.
I suspect I won't get a reply to this.......


Why not?



Chickenbird
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 317
Location: New Zealand

12 Mar 2011, 2:24 pm

tskin1 wrote:
Quote:
NT's don't have to suffer to earn street smarts. We do.


Believe it or not some of us NT people also get screwed, also get used, also deal with people who are fake or who appear to be somthing they aren't.. while it is true that most of us probably have more people to choose from it doesn't mean we're immune to suffering or that the ignorant among us dont seek us out only to destroy our spirit as well.

I think to a certain degree at least for the average NT it has to do with extravert/intravert personality as far as how many we have to choose from.

I do as one poster put look out for the underdog, constantly run into the worst of people who on the outside seem to be fantastic.. I also get stabbed in the back.. I also form great friendships only to find out that this person isn't worth the time spent...it is possible that your running into simply the "wrong people" as am I??.

cooincidentally i wasn't offended by your post but I do think it's unfortunate that all NT people are lumped into one group who apparently are fantastically social, street smart and happy.. it just isn't the case.


Some say NT introverts are "almost on the spectrum" so they would see similar effects.


_________________
"Aspie: 65/200
NT: 155/200
You are very likely neurotypical"
Changed score with attention to health. Still have AS traits and also some difficulties.


Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,587
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

12 Mar 2011, 2:30 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
daspie wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
It's a bad idea to befriend people out of loneliness. It's better to just be alone.
People tell me I have street smarts, though, even with an ASD. I also got told I have little or no common sense. Are those two things really the same?

Befriend those who strongly share your special interest.

That's a good idea, so long as they are benevolent and have your best interest in mind.


Yes. The people I tried to get on with who decided to manipulate me and try to convince me to accept falsehoods about myself as true were people I met through an interest. Actually, two overlapping interests.

I am sure they believe they are benevolent, but my mental health isn't up to that much helpfulness.



Mar1976
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 14 Dec 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 115

12 Mar 2011, 2:57 pm

Verdandi wrote:
That was a digression. I just said "create out of nothing" in Latin, and auntblabby and I had an exchange about how to create something if you have nothing - and I admitted that I don't create something if I have nothing.

The quoted comment in context: auntblabby is a hermit himself, he's said so many times elsewhere on the forum. I presume he meant himself.

I wasn't criticizing anyone in my posts - least of all, you. I have no assumptions about you, as all I know about you is what I've seen in this thread. I don't recall if I've seen you in other threads, but I don't have any negative impressions. I apologize if my posts appeared to be critical or negative toward you.



Thankyou for your explanation and I sincerely apologize, (to you and auntblabby), for jumping to the wrong conclusion (and deciding to rant about it). I hope you realise why I might have got the wrong impression.
I thought forums might be a bit less complicated than real life interaction, but I've come to realise that there are many 'real life' social cues I actually pick up that cannot be expressed on a forum; (it's far easier to jump to conclusions on here).


Quote:
If I'm being paranoid, please tell me and explain your comments.
I suspect I won't get a reply to this.......

Why not?



Because it wasn't related to the thread at all, and I probably should have left it without cluttering someone else's thread with an irrelevant post; but unfortunately I felt really strongly about it, so couldn't! Apologies to the OP. :oops:



tskin1
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 119
Location: Michigan, USA

12 Mar 2011, 3:39 pm

Quote:
Some say NT introverts are "almost on the spectrum" so they would see similar effects.


quite possible... altho we seem to be able to move in and out of the social with life and emotion driving most of the social extraverted/introverted stuff.. also we dont struggle in the other areas (not sure that makes sense) ..

example...through elementary, highschool ect. I was very extraverted , cheerleader, track, cross country very active very social, no issues really... fast forward to life lol married had kids then divorced and now there are less friends than i count on one hand this is somthing of course i choose based on the same sorta logic ran through the first post.. tired of the crap, bs, not so transparent people who turn out to be horrible people i would never have wanted to know in the first place. I guess it's easier to avoid the disappointment later if they do turn out to be horrible... but as i said it's not AS thing for me..

A big difference might be that our experiences change the way we view people??? no idea i just wanted to clarify some of us arn't such horrible people and we suffer too lol



Mar1976
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 14 Dec 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 115

12 Mar 2011, 3:47 pm

[/quote]Wow, the highlighted part is just what I also have. I also post when I feel strongly about the topic because I have been in that situation unlike some idiot aspies who just post nonsense on every other thread. I was extremely bad at editing and people attributed it to me not being a native speaker of english. I think the reason is recent memory deficit. We tend to see things locally, if I would change the structure of sentence mid way then I would tend to forget that the earlier part also needs a change because of that. I have improved upon that, I lost one pen-pal because of this bad habit. Thank god that now I have one person who does the same :D
"online AS"- a nice concept :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: No contempt intended.[/quote]

None taken! :D
I do exactly what you've described.



daspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,021
Location: Delhi

12 Mar 2011, 11:54 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
daspie wrote:
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
It's a bad idea to befriend people out of loneliness. It's better to just be alone.
People tell me I have street smarts, though, even with an ASD. I also got told I have little or no common sense. Are those two things really the same?

Befriend those who strongly share your special interest.

That's a good idea, so long as they are benevolent and have your best interest in mind.

I was going to write further, as I have done on some other thread, that they should also be soft natured, forgiving. I guess if someone is strongly interested in your(aspie) special interest then he/she might forgive you(aspie) on lack of empathy so long you did not have highly outrageous behavior due to adhd, unlike me.



Last edited by daspie on 13 Mar 2011, 12:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

daspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,021
Location: Delhi

12 Mar 2011, 11:56 pm

Mar1976 wrote:
Quote:
Wow, the highlighted part is just what I also have. I also post when I feel strongly about the topic because I have been in that situation unlike some idiot aspies who just post nonsense on every other thread. I was extremely bad at editing and people attributed it to me not being a native speaker of english. I think the reason is recent memory deficit. We tend to see things locally, if I would change the structure of sentence mid way then I would tend to forget that the earlier part also needs a change because of that. I have improved upon that, I lost one pen-pal because of this bad habit. Thank god that now I have one person who does the same :D
"online AS"- a nice concept :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: No contempt intended.


None taken! :D
I do exactly what you've described.

What is the meaning of "None taken! "?