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Austicular
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10 Mar 2011, 4:01 pm

First ever post on here; so hello WP, place of fellow aspies.

Well to the point, there's this girl in two of my classes, who I have a little crush on. We haven't had much contact before, since she's usually a little surrounded (but sometimes alone), and I'm always a bit nervous to do anything. But the thing is, there are a few things of hers that I don't want to misinterpert. For one, she told me once she thinks I'm smart, but hates how we never talk, and in one class, sometimes she looks at me when I'm not at her, and other times we lock eyes across the room.

I've had some issues understanding what these things mean, so I ask please for some possible views from others more experienced and with different levels of ASD, and if I should go for it; only had one girlfriend before, and that didn't end well.

Thanks in advance.



The_Postmaster
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10 Mar 2011, 4:25 pm

Are you my twin, separated at birth?
Seriously, exact same situation as me. This girl that I like and I don't often have much contact, but she sometimes gives me compliments (For example, you're so smart, so funny, etc), and we often lock eyes, and she sometimes gives me other IOI's too. Only weird part about this that makes me think that maybe I'm misinterpreting something is that she's one of the most popular girls in school and she's beautiful- whereas I'm pretty low on the social food chain, and I'm not exactly physically attractive, either. She's probably the nicest person I've ever met, and I'd be ecstatic if I found out she liked me, but I won't get my hopes up.
Anyway, we're in the same boat, man, so I don't know if I can offer any advice.
I would greatly appreciate any help with my situation, as well.
Edit: another thing I forgot to mention is that, somewhat like your situation, she's ALWAYS, without exception, with someone. I can never catch her alone, ever.



Austicular
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10 Mar 2011, 5:08 pm

Mhm I don't think so; I don't have a brother at my age.

Exactly the same thing, yes...not much contact, but she does the occasional "oh you're (so and so)", and the looks (what does IOI mean?). I have the same feeling as well, she has alot of friends, I have a few but not as many. The only thing going for me is, apparently females like deeper voices (mine changed a bit), and I've dated one of her friends for a pretty short while too. I know how you feel about not being physically attractive, I actually found something of her friend saying that "he's ******* ugly", and I'm not all too attractive myself; but not one of the worst.

I would definitely feel ecstatic if she admitted that, but so far nothing like it, and I have no idea how to tell what any of this means. Thanks for a reply though :), we'll see if anyone else does and maybe we'll both get an answer.



The_Postmaster
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10 Mar 2011, 6:33 pm

An IOI is an indicator of interest. Basically subconscious/conscious things that a girl will do to imply that they are interested in you.
I don't understand any of it, either; hopefully someone will shed some light on the topic for us.



Austicular
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11 Mar 2011, 3:01 pm

Mhm oki, thanks for saying that. She wasn't in today so nothing new there. And it appears no one else is viewing this :/



simon_says
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11 Mar 2011, 3:17 pm

I would say she's interested but girls that age are notoriously fickle. She might change her mind at any time so don't be surprised. She might just be practice flirting and not up for anything more than that. For now I would talk to her more often and if things go well over the course of a few days, ask her to do something outside of school. Hang out, catch a movie, etc.

There is a window with the affection of girls that age. If the lights are green, you don't want to delay too much.



Austicular
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11 Mar 2011, 4:06 pm

The thing is, she's never actually approached me once ever, except just one time. But thanks anyway Simon, I'll try it when I next see her. I've heard her mention some other guy she liked, but he doesn't return it so I think she's not getting anywhere on that road. I think I'll keep the asking for something outside a bit longer than a few days; some girls are rather paranoid if you know what I mean.

I guess I'll revive this when something happens, to update. Thanks again.



The_Postmaster
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11 Mar 2011, 8:42 pm

simon_says wrote:
I would say she's interested but girls that age are notoriously fickle. She might change her mind at any time so don't be surprised. She might just be practice flirting and not up for anything more than that. For now I would talk to her more often and if things go well over the course of a few days, ask her to do something outside of school. Hang out, catch a movie, etc.

There is a window with the affection of girls that age. If the lights are green, you don't want to delay too much.

How long would you say the window usually is, approximately?



hale_bopp
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11 Mar 2011, 9:12 pm

I would be careful with the whole "shes looking at me" thing. Often that deludes people into thinking someone likes them.

I guess the best way to find out would be to talk. I know how hard that is though. Do you have her on facebook?



simon_says
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11 Mar 2011, 9:19 pm

The_Postmaster wrote:
simon_says wrote:
I would say she's interested but girls that age are notoriously fickle. She might change her mind at any time so don't be surprised. She might just be practice flirting and not up for anything more than that. For now I would talk to her more often and if things go well over the course of a few days, ask her to do something outside of school. Hang out, catch a movie, etc.

There is a window with the affection of girls that age. If the lights are green, you don't want to delay too much.

How long would you say the window usually is, approximately?


I don't know if there is a rule. In my experience it was a matter of a few short weeks before the shine was off the apple and I was placed in the "used to have a crush on" category. If you are managing to signal interest back, you might prolong that window.



Austicular
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12 Mar 2011, 9:37 am

You might be correct Hale; I'll be careful with that next time. And I used to, until some problems caused a massive drop, but re-adding.

That "window" kind of depends, you get the occasional one who is obsessed with someone, or the one that's only for 2, 3 days. It mostly depends, they're quite undecisive at times.