What assumptions do NTs make about you that you HATE?!
Bloodheart
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,194
Location: Newcastle, England.
I've not known for long, or had many people to tell.
One person informed me with no uncertainty that I'm not aspie because I'm 'capable of intelligent discourse'.
Generally there seems to be the assumption that you're a bit slow;
GP's see I'm aspie and suddenly start talking to me very slowly and gently spoken like to a child.
I've had questions ignored as people seem to think they need to explain the basics to me first.
When I told my job centre adviser she told me I was 'mentally incapable of working', all their staff seem to think I'm capable of nothing more than check-out work - before this they were encouraging me to go for management roles before going to get my nursing degree.
My sign language teacher last week informed me that my lack of eye contact means I'll fail my class...I can make eye contact, she seems to have made this assumption after student support informed her that I am an aspie - quick Google search of 'Asperger's' I think.
Oh, I also freaking LOVE it when there is the assumption that being an aspie is just like being shy, they'll say 'Well, I used to be really uncomfortable talking in front of other people, but once you get used to it you'll get over it'...and of course when you don't 'get over it' they assume you're being awkward or useless.
Obviously people have assumed I'm shy or ignorant my entire life because I'm not chatty - people always seem to assume the worst so if you're not like them then you must be a horrible person, and if you show yourself as something different to their assumptions this seems to confuse them even more and somehow validates their negative opinions of you.
_________________
Bloodheart
Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them.
Assmptions hurt. Badly. Astounding any given NT bases their "beliefs" on baseless conjecture.
One that hurts (and was very recent): One said to me that she *thinks" one she knows (a professor) is an Aspie. But that professional whom she knows is one who is NOT liked by her; a professional that's rather "less than stellar" in character. Apparently that may be how she regards me too. Ouch.
Ironically, those who guess could not even define ASD! How presumptous to guess, or assign certain attributes to us based upon sheer ignorance. Once, some time ago, I actually had a peer (and I liked her) ask me, with all sincerity, if I lived in a mental institution (!), being "bused-in" since that's where "Autistic people" live. Sickly appalling - shocking. I actually had one imbecile introduce me, to a professional academic guest speaker (!) as "She's autistic." Again, that's appalling.
All reasons to be extremely judicious about NOT telling individuals about your Dx. NTs can notoriously "stick their foot" hard when they encounter what they do not know.
_________________
The ones who say “You can’t” and “You won’t” are probably the ones scared that you will. - Unknown
Obviously people have assumed I'm shy or ignorant my entire life because I'm not chatty - people always seem to assume the worst so if you're not like them then you must be a horrible person, and if you show yourself as something different to their assumptions this seems to confuse them even more and somehow validates their negative opinions of you.
YES.
I have dealt with this my entire life before even I knew I was ASD. It's no wonder I have a hard time letting go of the belief that I'm a failure rather than a person with a disability.
Obviously people have assumed I'm shy or ignorant my entire life because I'm not chatty - people always seem to assume the worst so if you're not like them then you must be a horrible person, and if you show yourself as something different to their assumptions this seems to confuse them even more and somehow validates their negative opinions of you.
YES.
I have dealt with this my entire life before even I knew I was ASD. It's no wonder I have a hard time letting go of the belief that I'm a failure rather than a person with a disability.
ditto. This alone is a confidence killer and I've taken the whole brunt of suffering. Ack. Bloodheart, Zen; if you two lived nearby we could all have tea at the local cafe as friends sans the superficial chatter. I'd never judge another because they're not talkers. We have our own qualities, yes?
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The ones who say “You can’t” and “You won’t” are probably the ones scared that you will. - Unknown
Bloodheart
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,194
Location: Newcastle, England.
Ouch, see that one would have gotten to me. It baffles me why being aspie or autistic has to be an issue, least of all one that requires forewarning!
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Bloodheart
Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them.
Yeah, being spoken down to is the worst. Especially when it comes from someone with a medical degree who shrugs off any questions about how much they know about is since well, they're a doctor and of course they know... while they don't even know how to spell it correctly! At that point, when they're asking things like "and does your tummy hurt?" .. wow, just wow, and no, I am not experiencing pain or discomfort in any abdominal area.
I did have an amusing one rather than /rage one when I told an online friend. He pointed out that I was the nucleus of our social group, the constant who linked together a lot of people and then asked "Are you sure you have that? It doesn't sound like you". From a stranger I'd have gotten offended, but y'know, I could kind of see his point in that particular instance and for our situation it was a very nice thing of him to say.
Precisely. In reality, if even a fraction of the painfully ridiculous, hurtful (hateful!), and insensitive comments were directed not to an AS individual but instead to say, an individual who is (for instance) African American, Jewish, homosexual, etc. then the boorish speaker would be at least sacked from his/her position, arrested for slander, chastised by authority, or just plain beat-up bloody in the alley! How dare they? What gives them the right?
Apparently we have no recourse. Frankly, many/most NTs just cannot handle knowing that we are on-the-spectrum as their ignorance is too great an obstacle and they lack the basic manners, and brains, for rational discourse. I've encountered otherwise intelligent professionals behaving like flaming jerks! Do they realise they may be even in violation of the law? Substitute 'Aspie' for 'Native American,' or any other minority/difference, and they'd be behind bars.
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The ones who say “You can’t” and “You won’t” are probably the ones scared that you will. - Unknown
One person that I met in September immediately started treating like a stereotype instead of a person. I gave her some information on me; a sheet. She STILL took no effort to learn about me, she just thought "Oh, she's autistic, they're all the same, why do I need to know about her when she is a cookie-cutter image of so many people I have worked with in the past?".
She assumed I only talked when necessary so seemed surprised if I tried to socialize. For example, if I said something just because I wanted to have a conversation, she would automatically assume I needed her for something or was complaining about something.
She also assumed that I needed to be talked to like a child. I remember that I was in class with her one day (she was an adult) and I was feeling anxious so I left. However, I didn't get the notes that they were taking because I left, so she said "Maybe one of your friends in that class can copy them for you." She was calling the students "friends", like you would do to a little kid. I mean, someone being your peer, does not automatically make you their friend and someone being your friend does not automatically make you their peer.
She also thought that I was good at math before sure actually knew. This one is very common.
_________________
-Allie
Canadian, young adult, student demisexual-heteroromantic, cisgender female, autistic
Bloodheart
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,194
Location: Newcastle, England.
Apparently we have no recourse. Frankly, many/most NTs just cannot handle knowing that we are on-the-spectrum as their ignorance is too great an obstacle and they lack the basic manners, and brains, for rational discourse. I've encountered otherwise intelligent professionals behaving like flaming jerks! Do they realise they may be even in violation of the law? Substitute 'Aspie' for 'Native American,' or any other minority/difference, and they'd be behind bars.
*applaud* I'm still struggling to understand why this is allowed.
Take the above example with the job centre adviser ('mentally incapable of working', etc.), if it had been a similar comment to any other minority she would have been fired. Instead her manager a. lied about what happened, b. had a very 'so what if she did, it's a reasonable assumption' attitude, and c. went on to list ways in which being an aspie has meant I've been supposedly unwilling/unable to work. I even mentioned this in a letter to my MP about autism/asperger's and benefits/employment...the MP didn't see a problem
_________________
Bloodheart
Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them.
Oodain
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,022
Location: in my own little tamarillo jungle,
Apparently we have no recourse. Frankly, many/most NTs just cannot handle knowing that we are on-the-spectrum as their ignorance is too great an obstacle and they lack the basic manners, and brains, for rational discourse. I've encountered otherwise intelligent professionals behaving like flaming jerks! Do they realise they may be even in violation of the law? Substitute 'Aspie' for 'Native American,' or any other minority/difference, and they'd be behind bars.
*applaud* I'm still struggling to understand why this is allowed.
Take the above example with the job centre adviser ('mentally incapable of working', etc.), if it had been a similar comment to any other minority she would have been fired. Instead her manager a. lied about what happened, b. had a very 'so what if she did, it's a reasonable assumption' attitude, and c. went on to list ways in which being an aspie has meant I've been supposedly unwilling/unable to work. I even mentioned this in a letter to my MP about autism/asperger's and benefits/employment...the MP didn't see a problem
all of this just reminds me that i have to meet the "living assistant" i have been assigned on monday.
it feels so dehumanizing
_________________
//through chaos comes complexity//
the scent of the tamarillo is pungent and powerfull,
woe be to the nose who nears it.
I've had my share of ignorant assumptions, when I was 28 (a year after my diagnosis) there was this woman my age who I went out with on a date (she was a social worker), and I told her of my diagnosis. She told me that I don't really seem to have Aspergers because I don't talk on and on about myself without considering the other person. I actually took that as a compliment! I switched the conversation onto other superficial banter, but I think I planted the bug in her head that I was trying to be "normal" - I never heard from her after that night.
But worse assumptions...I had some fool say to me that I don't really have any mental handicap, this is "all in my head".
Idiot!!
I've also had this more than once: "Well, I don't think you really have any mental problem...sometimes you just need to listen more to what people are REALLY telling you."
And I've had "well, I think a lot this you imagine, or you believe what some guy with a diploma tells you...these days, they're overdiagnosing everything" (reading between the lines: I'm not REALLY somebody with autism, I was one of the "overdiagnosed" people).
Ideawizard
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 4 Sep 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 58
Location: United States
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