I have a fear of toddlers! (Strange fear, I know!)

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StarTrekker
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20 Jul 2015, 12:27 am

Joe90 wrote:
I also get rather jealous of small children, for being small children. I know I was once, but I spent most of my childhood whining and complaining on family outings, instead of actually enjoying the innocence and freedom of being a child and being ''allowed'' to climb on railings and leap about in the street, and having those magical christmasses, and splendid birthday parties where you just play party games.....

I would like to be a child of today, but an NT child. There's this fete what is on every bank holiday in August, just in the next little village from my town, and we all usually go every year. But I remember going to one as a child, and the whole time I spent whining and just wanting to go home - I didn't even look up and take in the lovely, summery atmosphere. I didn't even want an ice-cream. Usually kids to whine at those sorts of places where you're standing and walking about a lot, but usually when you say about ice-creams they usually cheer up and want one. But I never did, until I got to about 8. But those years have whizzed by s quickly, and now I'm nearly 21 and I feel bored and worn out with responsibility and dealing with having AS and Dyspraxia as a grown-up - especially when people look beyond your disability and just criticise you and say, ''oh you're 21 years old - why don't you get a life and stop being so anxious and miserable all the time!'' That advice doesn't really help, and needing help for my high anxiety disorder is nothing to do with whether you're grown-up or not. Anxiety can be very disabling sometimes, and it has quite a high affect on your life and doing normal day to day things, and it does not go away just like that.


This x 1000. I wouldn't want to be an NT child, but I'd give anything to go back and relive my aspie childhood, with the benefit of an early diagnosis that my parents understood and accommodated.


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mimitchi33
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27 Jul 2015, 10:35 am

Try to get along with them by sharing things you like with them that are appropriate for their age (such as a Disney film). I have cousins from Italy who once stayed over and I showed (and gave them) them some movies they had seen before and some they had never seen. For example, I showed them watch the first My Little Pony: Equestria Girls because they liked my dolls from that franchise. We then got them the film on DVD and a set of dolls. I also showed them Mumfie's White Christmas, and they loved it so much I gave them a Mumfie's Quest DVD that they watched all day at the next house they visited. Due to this, I gave them another Mumfie DVD, which I saw being watched in a recent video. Quite surprising for girls who mostly watch Peppa Pig and Winx Club (the latter of which I also watched as a kid when I woke up early alongside shows like Bratz and Magical DoReMi)!



naturalplastic
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27 Jul 2015, 6:23 pm

Sounds like its not quite a "fear" (like a fear of heights, or of snakes, or flying). You don't feel physically threatened by toddlers. That its more just a strong dislike. That they cause you sensory overload, and maybe they cause you a little envy/jealousy as icing on the cake.

It wouldn't matter if it didn't effect your life. But you ride the bus, and go to Walmart,and encounter them so it does seem to impact your life.

You acquired this aversion rather late in your growing up (like 20) , so you could probably unaquire it.



Ettina
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28 Jul 2015, 2:51 pm

Maybe taking a child development class would help? I don't find toddlers unpredictable because I know exactly why they act the way they do.



nerdygirl
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29 Jul 2015, 6:41 am

I did not like toddlers (or babies), either, when I was younger.

I tried babysitting a few times, mostly older (early elementary school age) kids. A couple of times, I had to watch toddlers/preschoolers and I had NO IDEA what to do with them. One time, I just sat and watched them play. Those kids were pretty well-behaved, thankfully. They asked me to play with them, but I said no because I didn't know how to. I was a very boring babysitter and didn't get asked again.

Then there was another time when I was a "nanny" to some kids. (The mother was a teacher in the music department, which is why I even considered the job.) It's a long story, but in short the family loved me although I couldn't stand their oldest kid. Whenever the parents would leave the house, she would stand at the window and scream. I didn't know what to do. I was afraid she would fall out (now I know that would have been very unlikely.) I just left her there. I don't know why the parents liked me so much. They even wanted to take me to Canada with them on a family vacation, but that idea freaked me out and I quit.

I had a very hard time with little kids until I had my own. My sister even said to me when we were young teens that I would be a bad mother. Toddlers/preschoolers are extremely noisy and unpredictable and still do not have the language development to have a real conversation or express their needs/wants without fussing, whining, or screaming. Their impulse control is not yet developed for the most part. I totally get being afraid of them!

My dislike for young kids never made me think I wouldn't have my own. I guess I just assumed that I would and that I'd somehow *get through* the first five years. But when I had my own kids and actually lived with them, I learned how to take care of them properly and understand them a bit more. Now, I am much more comfortable with all kids in that age range, though I still prefer the company of older kids over younger kids.

I know a 12 year old that still acts five, and I am afraid of her. I don't know what's wrong with her, but her impulse control is not developed. (I do not believe she is autistic, perhaps ADHD?) She still shrieks and jumps into your personal space, yells, runs around, touches inappropriately, etc. She's even worse than a toddler because she's 5'4" and fully developed.



kraftiekortie
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29 Jul 2015, 6:51 am

With the 12-year-old, it seems as if there's something cognitively going on, somehow.

I've grown to enjoy little kids sometimes--if their demeanor is pleasant. There are some toddlers, though, who just cry and cry for no apparent reason. That irks me.

I once knew a 2-year-old who cried and cried and cried. A year later, she became a really pleasant child; I have no idea what happened!

I like it when a little toddler is curious; this means he/she is smart--and, usually, more pleasant to be around because he/she desires to have his/her questions answered.

When it comes to "disordered" young children: I can't work with them. I was "disordered" in the same way, so I missed out on being able to relate to kids that age well.



nerdygirl
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29 Jul 2015, 7:02 am

I've had some bad experiences with young kids.

One time, we were with some friends at their house. They had a son with some issues (not sure what they were or if he even was ever diagnosed.) Anyway, this son took to me. Most of the time, I was OK with it because by then I was used to little kids, even weird ones. But this particular day, he took a bath before bedtime and then ran out stark naked into the living room where I was sitting on the couch and proceeded to stand *directly* next to me and even try to climb into my lap! Can you say CREEPED OUT?!?!?!

I really made some horrified body language, and finally the mother saw what he was doing and got him away from me. That was scary! I so get being afraid of little kids!

Most are not that bad, though, once you understand them and get used to them. Some people, like my sister, have a knack for dealing with little kids.



ZD
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25 Nov 2015, 8:27 am

Young children are just chaos incarnate.

I can't abide been near young children except my own it's my worst nightmare. At least with my own I understand their unpredictability, meaning they are doing this random thing so they are likely to do x or y random thing next so tell them to stop or let them carry on or try and distract them with something different.


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Aspie1
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26 Nov 2015, 11:23 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
Sounds like its not quite a "fear" (like a fear of heights, or of snakes, or flying). You don't feel physically threatened by toddlers. That its more just a strong dislike. That they cause you sensory overload, and maybe they cause you a little envy/jealousy as icing on the cake.

I'd classify this as reaction formation: "manually" converting a morally or socially unacceptable emotion into an acceptable one. In your case, actively disliking toddlers is looked down upon in most Western societies. But fear is just that. People understand fear quite well, even when the trigger object is unusual, since phobias are widely discussed in today's media. So you took disliking and turned it into fear.

That said, I don't like young children, either. For reasons that have already been discussed in this thread and don't need to be repeated. Also jealousy is a part of it. My childhood was VERY unpleasant. While for most kids today, there's never been a better time in history to be a child, and man oh man, do I see them make the most of it.