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Chronos
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Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

18 Mar 2011, 10:49 pm

First I would attempt to identify where your communication weakness are. This can be broken down into different tiers. Internal and external, each with their own sub-tiers.

First, are you just bad at verbal communication or are you bad at verbal and written communication? I'm guessing probably verbal.

Verbal communication internal weak point analysis:
If you're bad at verbal communication, does your fluency vary depending on the situation?
Aside from just not knowing what to say (because most people struggle with this), do you have trouble articulating your thoughts and emotions?
If so, what aspect of this do you feel is the root of the problem?
You aren't able to identify your thoughts and emotions?
You are able to identify your thoughts and emotions but can't find the words to express
them?
You know what you want to say and how to say it but have trouble with when to say it?

Frequently I have something I want to say and just can't find the words to say it, or can't decide how to best phrase what I want to say. My roommate, on the other hand, will act on his thoughts without the slightest clue...or impulse to articulate them, and when we have to accomplish a task together I don't know what his game plan is half the time, and if I get him to clue me in, he can only vaguely articulate it...he's improved greatly these past few years though.

There may be other internal points of difficulty for you though. The point is, you have to identify it before you can address it.

External points of weakness:
This pertains to things such as having conversations. Starting them, engaging in them, and so on. It also pertains to a higher level of social dynamics that extends into needs in a relationship. This is usually where people with AS struggle, but NT's actually follow fairly easy to learn rules of engagement which are applicable to many conversational scenarios.

Here are some rules I follow that have worked well for me.

1. Remember basic etiquette, even if others don't. This is a nice, play it safe scheme for someone with AS. For example, if I see a neighbor, I will greet them and ask how they are doing. I will generally bid people some sort of farewell upon leaving as well.

2. Put the other person first. I know most of us love to talk about ourselves and our interests, and we don't really care if others pay all that much attention but other people care whether or not you pay attention to them. By putting another person first in a conversation, and giving them an opportunity to talk about themselves, and paying attention, as someone with AS, you make things a little easier on yourself because you don't have to guess when to stop talking as much. Most, but not all NT's have a better grasp of conversational give and take, and will stop talking when they think you should have a turn to talk.

*Take note that you generally shouldn't batter strangers with questions about themselves though, especially women unless it is in the proper context where such questions are relevant to you, like speed dating. If you are speaking to a woman you don't know when you are out and about, neutral subjects are best.