Wikipedia note on social skills/eye contact that stunned me

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"A social skills approach invites overgeneralization of this behavior resulting in an autistic child who, rather than fail to make eye contact, fails to break it, and gives the antisocial impression of staring. A Social Thinking approach teaches the child that the eyes are important as indicators of another's emotions, responses, and intentions--purposeful and (socially welcome) eye contact follows."

I feel embarrassed to find this bit (from Social Thinking wiki) so enlightening, but I have to admit it is . I don't need to change my
behaviour so much as to locate my curiosity. Lately I have been staring a bit, I am sure. It's easier than genuine interaction.....

I didn't put this up as a post on "eye contact" so much as on the difference between an instruction and a concept I guess. If you can put it in better words I would appreciate it. If I think so, lol.

Doesn't surprise me in the least.

I stare too long rather than not enough.

Autism is said to come with 'inappropriate' eye contact, this can be too much or too little.

Makes sense, it isn't about staring or not at the eyes but instead it is about using the eyes to gather information.
It suggests that appropriate eye contact will be made if it is being done for a purpose and not just because someone says 'you must make eye contact'.

Yes that makes sense. Rather like the difference between staring fixedly at a book, just for show, and actually trying to read it. Funny how some of these little discoveries feel so profound isn't it? Happens to me all the time. But yours does look like it will turn out to be quite important, if it works for many people.

Well, I DID stare sometimes when I was younger, but I don't believe I ever did in the eyes. I saw a cute woman at the airportm and stared a bit, trying to figure out where I saw someone that could be her TWIN. I spoke with her, found out a bit, etc.... I could describe her nose, but couldn't tell you what color her eyes were. 8-(

Last edited by 2ukenkerl on 22 Mar 2011, 6:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

But do any of you stare because you want people to feel uncomfortable? If i stare its because of that. Sometimes when i walk past people on the streets i get this urge to stare them down if they stare at me first. Its because i don't want to look submissive.
I can also stare if i zone out. But when i zone out i more than often catch myself staring at girls boobs instead of their face.

Last edited by extractor on 22 Mar 2011, 8:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm able to make eye contact when I'm comfortable, unfortunately this is never when I'm in the presence of health officials or other authorities, and so it gives off the impression I abstain from eye contact entirely. Because of this, often people will ask, no, command me to "look at them" and I grow weary of explaining.

I just cannot get comfortable in those sorts of situations in which eye contact is important, yet in an informal situation such as with my family I find it much easier, hm.

When making eye contact is deliberate rather than natural, it can be very hard to gauge how much eye contact is appropriate, even if one is not actually staring. I find myself trying to remember to glance at someone's eyes when they are talking, and it actually distracts me from what they are saying rather than enhancing my understanding of their emotional state. (And I can never look at someone's eyes while I'm talking, because I have to think about what I'm saying.)

Yes, exactly! The only time I find myself able to look at people when I'm meant to is if they are speaking for an extended period of time and I'm supposed to listen. Then, you can just stare at them hardly and it's not entirely inappropriate because they are speaking for quite a while. The rest of the time I tend to look to the side. When I speak, I try to make it look natural when I look away so as to avoid causing offense. Looking out the window, turning to look towards any sudden noises, looking at my watch, all to give off the impression that I am not deliberately avoiding looking at them.

Works for me, though, sometimes.