Birthday party ideas?

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We had one for his 7th birthday, invited about 8 classmates to the bowling alley, had pizza and cake. He really enjoyed it, but I noticed the other kids were playing with each other and my son was still mostly an observer on his own birthday. (also the bowling alley's timing was really "flim-flam", so the schedule was not at all what they told me and lunch was late, which threw all the kids through a loop.)

I'm less familiar with the kids at his new school (we moved to a different city, and I used to bring in treats on a regular basis and volunteer as a parent chaperone at his other school, whereas here I am rarely able to bring anything in or volunteer due to work), and he talks about "friends" but I have only met two of the boys in his class.

He very much wants a birthday, but he is becoming more and more aware that he is different and that some of the kids may be nice to him, but not particularly be his friends, or even like him that much. And when it comes to invites, I would like to invite the whole class in order to perhaps see some kids who are genuinely fond of him that he may not be aware of, but that raises some issues in terms of finance and also, some of the "bad eggs" who may torment him at his own party.

From the perspective of parents, what have you done in the past? What has worked, financially and socially? What has bombed?
From the perspective of anyone with Aspergers: Did you have birthday parties? What did you like? What do you wish would have been different?

I will probably have some sort of celebration, but I would very much like advice and tips so I can hash out some good plans.
(also, finances are an issue, as I am a single parent and still paying off school loans - so nothing extravagant please)

The birthday parties we used to throw for our son used to elevate his social standing a bit because, sorry to brag, I throw a good kid's party. Themes, details, old fashioned games and simple fun, but all extremely thoroughly planned and prepared for. Kids would talk about the experience at school and compliment him on the excellent party. Apparently his 7 year old Harry Potter party is still talked about (he's 13 now).

But. Here's the thing: we noticed that HE wasn't enjoying his own parties. He enjoyed the spectacle, and he enjoyed the planning, and he enjoyed the compliments he'd get long after but he never actually enjoyed the party; too much expectation and too much stress.

So, after his 7th and 8th parties we had many long conversations about it. With his 8th we experimented with toning it down and making it smaller, and that improved things but didn't solve them. For his 9th, we went in an entirely different direction: he invited 4 kids to go hiking with him. The hike ended at a park where I was waiting with food and cake. This he LOVED. Finally HE enjoyed his "party" as much as his guests did. It may not plant memories kids talk about 5 years later, but it creates a lovely and special day for the person it is supposed to create one for: the birthday boy. That is now the tradition, each year he picks a hike.

I actually used the term guests instead of friends on purpose, because he didn't always choose his guests based on his own relationships with the kids; sometimes it was just the "group" he was hanging out with because one of them was a friend; the rest more that friend's friends than his; but he liked the idea of having that familiar group around him. And so on; just what made him comfortable and he thought would provide a positive experience for everyone.

My son LOVES his birthday parties, it's a topic of conversation for him all year round... I always invite a lot of kids, some good friends, some vague friends because there are bound to be one or two that my son will latch on to for the day.... having lots of others ensures that everyone has a "buddy" and no one feels left out.

As for themes, it depends on two things, time of year and your son's "quirks".

My son is very active and his birthday is in August... that gives me lots of possibilities.
I try to build the party around an activity, it leaves less time to fill in.
Last year, turning 9, we did a sleepover. The party favor was SuperSoakers and the first half was squirt gun fights and a bbq. For the night, I cleared my living room of EVERYTHING except tvs, (there were 5) and a variety of video game systems. This allowed every kid to play at once, there was virtually no squabbling, and kept them entertained all night.
The year before, his party was at the roller skating rink.
The year before, I got a huge multi-lane slip'n slide and turned the kids loose.
We've also gone camping for his birthday. Inviting only 3 friends who were all pretty close, that way if there was pairing off no one was stuck with someone they didn't know or didn't really like. (Plus, multiple guests means not getting sick of being around one person too much.)
This year, Ben thinks he wants his party at the wave pool... but then he waffles back to wanting another sleep over. We still have 5 months to decide, so who knows what will happen.

The one thing I will mention, is that my son has one very close friend who is a very sound-sensitive Aspie. He did not do so well at the sleep over with all the loud boys. Luckily, he lives only 3 doors down and could escape home for self-chosen sensory breaks. This is something to consider when planning your party. Who does your son really want to come? and do they have issues that need to be accommodated for?

I am an Aspie who is also a mum to an ASD boy so here goes.

I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !!!I HATE PARTY'S!! !! !! !! !


When I was growing up, I would make excuses not to go to them or I would go and sit to the side. I hated the games, the atmosphere, the social rules. When it was my party, I would only invite the minimum my parents would allow (6) and then i would still end up going off by myself. The last party i had (13) A sleepover, I locked myself in my bedroom because of the girls going on about makeup and how sexy the guy in the movie was. Then they started bitching about me and i could hear.

I would have preferred no party and the money spent on something i would enjoy such as lots of new books, a new bike ect. I even would have preferred my birthday to be ignored.




Now as a parent, I get lots of pressure to throw parties for my children. So far i have got by from just having an informal afternoon tea with relatives at home. My son's fourth birthday is coming up soon and i have planned for my daughters 3 good friends and ds to go to the local indoor cafe and have a platter of chips and a cake that has peppa pig on top. This way i don't have to have strangers in my space at home with their judgey judgeyness (my house could be described as ecliptic).

Why don't you ask your child to invite one friend over for the afternoon and get a new dvd and some of his fav snacks and a small cake (even 2 cupcakes) and then spend the rest of the money on what they would like.

I'll admit I didn't read all the comments as I am pressed for time. Sorry if this suggestion was already made, but I wanted to share what we do.

My son is now 15 and I didn't know he was AS until just a couple months ago.

When my son was younger, and started school, I would throw him birthday parties and invite his whole class, maybe about 15 kids. His 1st party, 6 kids came, his 2nd, 4 kids, and the 3rd 1child. It caused him so much anxiety (and me as well) waiting and wondering who if anyone would show up. And we had the same problem with the kids playing with each other and not him.

That was the end of traditional birthday parties. Since then we have a "family fun day" he gets to pick where we go and what restaurant we eat at. We spend the day together doing something fun. We have done things like bowling, movies, a kids museum that is about an hour away, and even an indoor water park that is 2 hours away. We then have the extended family over for cake, ice cream, and presents. This has gone over so well that even my NT children do this instead of a traditional birthday party. It has been great on so many levels. He gets to choose and be in control of what we do, there is no anxiety over who will show up, and he feels like the king for the day.

All my kids (2 are NT) talk about what they want to do on their "family fun day" all year long. And past birthday adventures are spoken of often.

My youngest brother is 14 and hasn't had a party. Its to much for him. He gets overwhelmed and tired. Now a days its the family and we just go somewhere special. He likes these because they are more personal to him. His favorite resteruant. His favorite things. I'm starting to get worried, since he's not a people person at alll. But at least he enjoys a quiet simple home. I remember he use to want us to cook his favorite meal for his birthday. Every year. Until mom complained.

we usually get dressed nice and decorate the house and just have a family day. we do presents in the morning and cake at lunch. we usually do some sort of project that the birthday child picks like playing in the hose or painting or watching movies. dinner is usually take out unless they've asked for something specific. sometimes we do a pinata depending on how things have been going in recent days.(sometimes it's not a good idea to give them a stick to hit with) they always have fun and i don't end up having a house full of extra kids to watch as i have enough trouble keeping my own happy. my oldest has had some bigger parties and mcdonalds parties when she was younger when it was just me and her. she enjoyed them i guess but the last mcdonalds party she got really nervous about it and threw up so i ended that. my kids don't seem to have any friends or they have different friends it seems every other day and never seem to keep any of them very long and the school thinks if your child is bringing invitations they should bring one for each kid in the class which i could not handle especially knowing that they don't get along well with many of the kids i don't want them here.

I wasn't allowed to have or go to parties as a kid, so I am not certain how I would have felt about them then. I have a feeling I would have liked a party that I was in control of, and this is why I think my sons like their own parties. They get to choose everything, and they know exactly what to expect. It ends up being a time that they get to really celebrate their special interests, which we really love doing. The guests are almost extraneous to the process...they're just lucky to be "along for the ride". And I really like how having a cool birthday party makes things easier for my sons socially. The last two years in particular (10th and 11th birthdays) it has really solidified some friendships for them.

However I can completely understand not liking parties. They can be intense and overwhelming times. I have absolutely no interest in adult parties. You couldn't pay me to go. But I do really like themed "kids" parties. I threw one for myself last year for the Harry Potter movie release, only family invited. And this year I plan on doing a hobbit party for Bilbo's birthday, but again just for us.

Do you live near a Whole Foods??? You can have a party there where the kids can make pizza and cupcakes and stuff. Older kids make pasta dishes. It is a great party because every kid is making their food and so you can be as social or not social as you want and you won't appear odd because you are just concentrating on cooking It is not overwhelming or loud, and it is a good time for boys and girls.

Thank you all so much for the advice. I'm so happy I got it from all perspectives.

I certainly have a lot to think about now. I live in a small Northern Ontario town, so we don't have much...basically a bowling alley and a McDonalds as far as birthday parties go. I also live in a basement apartment, so hosting a party isn't exactly ideal.

I'll take all of your posts into account and talk to my little guy about what he would like as well.

Again, thank you so much.