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don't feel I haev much to offer to the opposite sex

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Frieslander
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30 Mar 2011, 4:21 pm

I feel I'm boring, have a flat affect, and don't eve know if I want sex (the act). What kind of woman wants that?



Jonsi
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30 Mar 2011, 5:15 pm

Join the club. :\



IMCarnochan
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30 Mar 2011, 5:28 pm

Just pretend you do, its what everyone does. Then you can decide.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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30 Mar 2011, 5:38 pm

Frieslander wrote:
I feel I'm boring, have a flat affect, and don't eve know if I want sex (the act). What kind of woman wants that?

Well, you might warm to it with the right woman! Or, maybe you like slow, sexy dancing and 'top-of-the-clothes.' And I lot of women like that, too.

We offer authenticity. And that is a valuable commodity. And we can learn time and place, measured honesty, so on and so forth, other social skills, and make our core skills even more valuable. :D



astaut
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30 Mar 2011, 6:11 pm

You've identified the things you see as negatives in yourself, but you have to find the positives you can offer a partner.


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harry_j_83
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30 Mar 2011, 6:20 pm

IMCarnochan wrote:
Just pretend you do, its what everyone does. Then you can decide.


yes it is true, people on the whole really are chameleons. i think you just have to be able to succeed no matter how dishonest or fake it may seem.

my best buddy sold his soul to meet up with his current girlfriend. as far as i'm concerned they have nothing in common: he's a bit of a computer geek with an outrageous sense of humour; she's someone to whom hello-kitty and clothes-shopping seems to be the limit-of-her-intelectual-ability... but it just goes to show!!

(i really hope he doesn't read this somehow)



harry_j_83
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30 Mar 2011, 6:31 pm

Frieslander wrote:
I feel I'm boring, have a flat affect, and don't eve know if I want sex (the act). What kind of woman wants that?


the flat affect bit doesn't have anything to do with AS, nor does the not-wanting-sex bit. these are pretty universal features i'd say.

actually, most woman would be pleased you weren't wanting to cut-to-the-chase and get her to sleep with you. (in other words do a "plan-cul" as the french call it... literately translated that means "ass-plan").

one thing i've learnt from dating sites is that all the woman want to leave the site because men are basically sexually harassing them. I always wanted to think that females were as sexually "enthusiastic" as us men, but it seems clear that that isn't the case... anyway the point of all this is that this element which you consider a negative could in actual fact be a selling point ( i'm guessing you knew a lot of this anyway but i do like to blunder on...)



harry_j_83
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30 Mar 2011, 6:32 pm

Frieslander wrote:
I feel I'm boring, have a flat affect, and don't eve know if I want sex (the act). What kind of woman wants that?


the flat affect bit doesn't have anything to do with AS, nor does the not-wanting-sex bit. these are pretty universal features i'd say.

actually, most woman would be pleased you weren't wanting to cut-to-the-chase and get her to sleep with you. (in other words do a "plan-cul" as the french call it... literately translated that means "ass-plan").

one thing i've learnt from dating sites is that all the woman want to leave the site because men are basically sexually harassing them. I always wanted to think that females were as sexually "enthusiastic" as us men, but it seems clear that that isn't the case... anyway the point of all this is that this element which you consider a negative could in actual fact be a selling point ( i'm guessing you knew a lot of this anyway but i do like to blunder on...)



Frieslander
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30 Mar 2011, 6:38 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Frieslander wrote:
I feel I'm boring, have a flat affect, and don't eve know if I want sex (the act). What kind of woman wants that?

Well, you might warm to it with the right woman! Or, maybe you like slow, sexy dancing and 'top-of-the-clothes.' And I lot of women like that, too.

We offer authenticity. And that is a valuable commodity. And we can learn time and place, measured honesty, so on and so forth, other social skills, and make our core skills even more valuable. :D


'top-of-the-clothes'? What does that mean



Frieslander
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30 Mar 2011, 6:43 pm

harry_j_83 wrote:
Frieslander wrote:
I feel I'm boring, have a flat affect, and don't eve know if I want sex (the act). What kind of woman wants that?


the flat affect bit doesn't have anything to do with AS, nor does the not-wanting-sex bit. these are pretty universal features i'd say.

actually, most woman would be pleased you weren't wanting to cut-to-the-chase and get her to sleep with you. (in other words do a "plan-cul" as the french call it... literately translated that means "ass-plan").

one thing i've learnt from dating sites is that all the woman want to leave the site because men are basically sexually harassing them. I always wanted to think that females were as sexually "enthusiastic" as us men, but it seems clear that that isn't the case... anyway the point of all this is that this element which you consider a negative could in actual fact be a selling point ( i'm guessing you knew a lot of this anyway but i do like to blunder on...)



I used to think I wanted sex, but suddenly I have reduced anxiety am exchanging email with a girl I met on OkCupid, and suddenly I don't know if I want it. I know that may have nothing to do with AS.

What does your "Ass-plan" mean? I didn't quite follow.

I agree that men may essentially bae sexually harassing them on sites, but from what I've heard, women want sex just as much as men.

And, Aspies tend to have flattened affects from what I have read. Just like those with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder tend to have "blunted" affects. I have the first probably, and certainly one of the second.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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31 Mar 2011, 1:53 pm

By top-of-the-clothes, I mean enjoying holding, touching, caressing and just enjoying the process and just being there, without trying to 'excel' or 'perform.'



Northeastern292
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31 Mar 2011, 1:56 pm

I wish I had more to offer the opposite sex.



Laz
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31 Mar 2011, 2:04 pm

Do you have pie?


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Northeastern292
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31 Mar 2011, 2:19 pm

Laz wrote:
Do you have pie?


That's something my younger half brothers would say (but they're pre-teens!). But yeah I don't. :(



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Mar 2011, 3:32 pm

heh, you worded my exact feelings.

I don't know why any girl would want me.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Mar 2011, 3:34 pm

Laz wrote:
Do you have pie?


does a tarte aux fraises count?