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Blue Jay
Blue Jay

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Joined: 3 Jun 2010
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 83

05 Apr 2011, 5:26 pm

A while back, I saw a picture of a friend of mine. Normally he's unappealing and just... well, it doesn't do anything. and before I saw the picture, I had never really considered someone... attractive, that was the same sex as me.

But the picture did make me go "ooh" in my head for a little bit. And I could definitely feel something.

This hints me towards thinking I'm not as straight as I think I am, and that I just have very particular... "standards" for when I find the same sex appealing

However, I also don't know for sure if i'm Bi-sexual, since I still find the idea of any sexual action with someone that's male unappealing, and a turn off. This is why I'm confused. I can't tell whether he just looked attractive or if I'm actually Bi, since I don't actually want to DO anything with him (or at least the him that was in that picture)

Can anyone help me figure this out? Thank you


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Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,260
Location: Houston, Texas

05 Apr 2011, 6:34 pm

First off, it's perfectly fine to be straight, it's perfectly fine to be Bi-, and it's perfectly fine to be gay.

And you might be aware that Kinsey came up with this scale of 0 to 6 (and I forgot which was which! whether 0 was completely gay or completely straight, the point being that the range of human sexuality is a continuum).

And I'd also say, we as a society are overly specific about which feelings are acceptable and which are not, in a whole number of areas, esp sexuality. For example, I think it would be healthy to admit that war or police action might get our juices flowing and also acknowledging that we have full range of choice. And sexuality, we might feel all kinds of things, if situations are presented in different ways, or if something otherwise ordinary just strikes us certain ways. For example, I think a genuinely homoerotic film with good writing, acting, directing, etc, could well do something for a straight person, provided it catches him or her in a certain mood. And then there are these lyrics to the song "In Spite of Ourselves" (the guy talks for about a minute and then him and a woman sing a pretty neat song)
"She thinks all my jokes are corny
"Convict movies make her horny
"She likes ketchup on her scrambled eggs
"Swears like a sailor when shaves her legs . . "
The point I take from this is that human emotions are complicated. I guess like a big river, a lot of specific currents flowing, joining, branching out again. And, as a person who's aspie like myself, I'm inclined to try and put emotions in a box, inclined to try and label them. I'm learning how more just to let them be. To take a medium step that simply seems right, then see how it feels, and on the basis of that feedback, take the next medium step, etc.

My advice, just take it for what it's worth. So you felt something. Something gave you a surge of something. In and of itself, that's a good thing. Maybe it's just insight in seeing how same-sex attraction is possible. Maybe it's just something more. And either is perfectly okay.

(I'm sure you've heard the Zen "koan." Two monks are traveling. There is a flooded river crossing. And there's a beautiful young lady. One monk carries her across. About a mile further down, the second monk says to him, "How, How could you break our vows of chastity?" The first monk said, "I sat her down at the river's edge. Why can't you?")


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Joined: 14 Nov 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,052
Location: Where the wild things wish they were

05 Apr 2011, 6:41 pm

Ever notice how guys and girls that travel in groups have a similar aesthetic? Especially guys, because guys are more visual. Physical attraction isn't the same as sexual attraction though. But try telling that to the high school jocks that go around with their jock buddies that look like them.