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Andie09
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07 Apr 2011, 10:48 pm

Whenever I express to my roommate how I'm lonely he tells me that its up to me to make friends. I have to take the initiative to call people and plan to hang out. I've made a few attempts, but its exhausting and almost not even worth all the work and stress. Why is it me that has to do all the pursuing? Most of the time, I like being alone, its only sometimes...but those sometimes can be awfully depressing, knowing that I have virtually no one there for me.

I've tried to make friends with other girls at school, but unless they want homework help, they don't seem to be interested. I never really connect with anyone. The only people who make an effort to talk to me are guys. They're super friendly initially, but after a few weeks they'll ask me to hang out (aka go on a date). As soon as I tell them no, I don't date (I have no interest in the opposite sex...at least in that way), they seem to disappear or just stop talking to me that much.

I'm so frustrated. People really confuse me. I start to think I'm making friends with someone in class, but as soon as the semester ends, I never hear from them again. I must be doing something wrong. I wish I knew what it was...



Titangeek
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07 Apr 2011, 11:41 pm

[quote="Andie09"Most of the time, I like being alone, its only sometimes...but those sometimes can be awfully depressing, knowing that I have virtually no one there for me.[/quote]
I know the feeling, no advice, just sympathy (or is it empathy when you can relate).
*Awkward aspie hug


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Peeled_Lemon
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08 Apr 2011, 7:25 am

My husband gets exasperated for me in exactly the same way. He doesn't seem to realise that 'our' friends want his company, really, I'm just an extra for them. He doesn't know I think I'm an aspie yet.

One trick I've learned that works for a while is to join a group based on your interests - a school society or something. The common ground makes it easier to know what to say at the beginning.

Good luck.



namaste
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19 Apr 2011, 12:21 pm

Andie sorry to hear this but you are not alone happens to me too. :?



namaste
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19 Apr 2011, 12:22 pm

Andie sorry to hear this but you are not alone happens to me too. :?



Greatsharkbite
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19 Apr 2011, 3:59 pm

Life is what it is. Things don't change unfortunately unless you put an effort into them.

You get asked out a lot, its very much possible you could be seen as intimidatingly attractive. I mean if a person just happens to want to date you, its easy to play that down. Don't base who you talk to on that, base who you talk to on personality, the way they treat you and shared/common interests.

I mean you might've gotten really unlucky, the way to change this luck is when you get to know someone and they're "fun" enough give them a number, heck be bold and tell them you don't want to date but you do want to hang out sometime (if its a guy).

Makes plans.. I mean what is friendship generally if not hanging out? Try to go to the movies, stay at home and play videogames, whatever your interests are. Unfortunately if you want to keep things platonic you have to treat things platonically. Guys (heterosexual) don't call other guys on the phone for an hour just to chat. Too many negative stereotypes associated with that and most guys are immature at a young age . They will talk and listen to a girl sometimes tho, if it comes about that they like you just tell them where you stand. Also relationships like that are more longterm friendships very rare for anyone. Keep in mind misunderstandings come with this sometimes. A relationship between a man and a woman is just being attracted and sharing interests. If you don't want one, stay out of the zone.

I mean what it comes down to it is the whole "starting to be friends" classroom thing, is being a friend imo. An acquaintance that you don't socialize with outside of the school or workplace. Its still being social, its still sharing gossip, its still laughing. If you want to bring it outside of the school, offer to hang out. Also realize why you want the friendship in the firstplace. Are they worth talking to outside of school/work? If not, then you really don't want them as a friend. You're just feeling lonely and as you say.. you're only like that sometimes.

So solutions to that..make yourself active, go jogging (in a safe environment), keep yourself busy with your own interests and do things that are generally fulfilling to you.