Am I just thick?

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For some reason, despite being academically bright my brain seems to be resistant to learning in some ways. I always seem to make the same mistakes when it comes to socialising and having relationships. I feel like I am living in the film Groundhog day as every time i try to make friends, socialise or form relationships I will consistently repeat the same mistakes every single time without fail!! !!

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over....

I suffer with social anxiety and as far as I know am an NT with social difficulties, depression and agoraphobia, however if I forget my anxiety and relax I will do such things as:

Consistently drive people off by being obsessive about my interests and boring them all stupid by going on and on and on and branching off into monologues about my topic of choice whilst forgetting to follow their topic of conversation or not responding to what they say. What's worse is my brain seems to have assumed they find it fascinatingly interesting even if those around me have started falling into a coma out of sheer boredom lol. I would probably just think they were tired and wanted to sleep or something lol until someone tells me to shut up because I'm going on too much.

Someone will ask me a question and I will give out much more information than I am told they want to hear...either that or out of fear that I will get it wrong again, I just blurt out a learned script I have where possible in order to keep the answer short, but it will be the same answer every time. I am usually a very verbose person, however it seems complete strangers don't really want a complete medical history when asking how I am today.

I sometimes forget to respond to people and get told off...then I over compensate by responding to EVERYTHING they say and annoy them that way.

My brain is often so absorbed in its own little world it will forget to enquire about theirs...even though I don't mean to be inconsiderate.

I take people at their word. If they tell me something the miss gullible in me believes them. I am generally honest and open and assume that others are also. Then I get burned, realise I can't always trust what people tell me, smart over it for a while, get confused and start misinterpreting them because I can't take their word for it, then forget once I'm done smarting or have met someone new and go back to being miss guillible and repeat over and over again.

I am funny over my routines and quirks and my instance on needing to adhere to them and my oddities drives people away as well.

I cannot cope with large amounts of social interaction without feeling overwhelmed and so spend most of my time tinkering with my hobbies and bore people that way because I can't cope with the amount of social interaction they need (although I get lonely) except when I am in love and then i become as obsessed with the person as I do with my hobbies (but not in a creepy stalker type way...more in a pestering I just adore you want to be with you all the time type of way).

I have been mocked, ridiculed, rejected, ostracised and romantic partners always run away from me. On the rare occasion I make friends they soon run away too.

I am close to giving up.

I have tried medication, therapy, trying to make my brain learn this stuff, changing myself and my routines (which usually results in a meltdown), alternative therapies, relaxation, meditation...you name it, i've tried and still, STILL, I cannot get it right? I am an NT as far as I know, I am supposed to be able to do this social relationship stuff!

Perhaps I should become a hermit, I could cope with it 95% of the time but there is always that feeling of loneliness haunting me the other 5% of the time...

In the meantime I sit here staring at my computer, rubbing my tickle (don't ask, rubbing it helps) and await my salvation, if it's ever coming...which I am beginning to think it's not.

Anyone else ever feel the same or am I as alone as I think I am?

Thats me too.

Wish I could just learn to shut up sometimes. I think we just bottle it up due to loneliness, then it all comes out when we meet someone.

Anyone else ever feel the same or am I as alone as I think I am?

All the time, it's called breathing. I just joined a couple of weeks ago, but I am amazed to find others going through the same things I go through every day (all over the world). Sometimes I think I've been assigned to be the Town Aspie where I live though there must be more around here somewhere. You are not alone though. God bless you!

It sounds like you have ASD to me.

Have you ever sought a diagnosis? You really sound classic.

And that you're not "thick" at all, but need to manually learn social skills like so many aspies do.

You're not thick I also advise seeking a diagnosis, depending on how old you are i might prove difficult though, adults are not interesting enough.
Even without a diagnosis, from what you wrote, you do sound like you're on the spectrum.

You just described me. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice to you; if I had, I wouldn't be in the same situation, would I?

What really bugs me is the "Groundhog Day" thing you described. Thanks to it, I went through school without a single friend and lost many opportunities with women since I was 18.

You are describing all of us
and we are not a thick bunch.