Reasons/Benefits of dating Aspies and other HFAs

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Northeastern292
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11 Apr 2011, 7:09 pm

So, I'm giving a speech on Thursday in my Persuasive Speaking class on the merits and why you should envision yourself dating an Aspie/HFA. Do you all out there have any compelling reason(s) why? Basically, almost like a top ten list.



bethmc
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11 Apr 2011, 7:31 pm

We tend to be very, very honest.


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Northeastern292
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11 Apr 2011, 7:40 pm

bethmc wrote:
We tend to be very, very honest.


Yeah, that one was my first reason. In fact, I think I might have scared my now ex because of my honesty.



Ravenclawgurl
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11 Apr 2011, 10:43 pm

you dont have to worry with us playing games with ur head


*from an aspie girl here



nick007
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11 Apr 2011, 11:03 pm

I seen a lot of articles online about why women should date Aspie guys & they say Aspie men are extremely honest & loyal. They make us sound like lost puppies. I've been told I have lost puppy syndrome before


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12 Apr 2011, 4:06 am

Not having to talk about your feelings (that is a plus right?).


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simon_says
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12 Apr 2011, 4:33 am

IIRC there is a list of reasons in the Complete Guide.

Extreme honesty
Fidelity
You tend to know where they are at night.
Can have unique perspectives that make them entertaining.
Not likely to drag you to their family functions or other social events that you might normally go to but have little interest in personally.



Last edited by simon_says on 12 Apr 2011, 4:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

nick007
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12 Apr 2011, 4:33 am

simon_says wrote:
IIRC there is a list of reasons in the Complete Guide.

Extreme honesty
Fidelity
You tend to know where they are at night.
Can have unique perspectives that make them entertaining.

What does Fidelity mean :?:

Pistonhead wrote:
Not having to talk about your feelings (that is a plus right?).

Not for women :lol: But one of the rezones I actually want a relationship is so I can be close enough with someone to talk about my feelings. I think some other Aspies want a partner for that rezone as well


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12 Apr 2011, 4:44 am

Quote:
What does Fidelity mean


Loyalty. Not cheating.



Starlight-Supernova
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12 Apr 2011, 10:17 am

I would say Loyalty but we can't take dishonesty from our partners (should we have one) so it's sort of neutral rather then a positive.

Hmmm....maybe we are very punctual in dates?



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12 Apr 2011, 11:33 am

Honesty is the best loyalty is also but having to deal with the day to day challenges of being a HFA or a Apsie will create a strong bond between each other when you do date a Aspie or a HFA



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13 Apr 2011, 12:24 am

OP, I'm not sure I understand the premise of your speech. You should date an Aspie for the same reasons you'd date an NT: because you have similar values, you share common interests, you're attracted to each other, you bring out the best in each other, etc. (I think it's worth mentioning that both partners have to be patient, and open to experimenting with communication to find a style that works for both of them.)

There is absolutely nothing about being Aspie that makes a person more loyal, faithful, or honest. Please don't spread that myth - it's damaging and hurtful. The two Aspies I dated were - by far - the most manipulative, destructive, disloyal, cheating, hateful liars I've ever known. Were they such lousy people because they were Aspie? I don't think so. I think there were other factors that had much greater influence on their behavior than Asperger's: they were both raised in extremely dysfunctional families, and one of them very likely suffered from Attachment Disorder. (That combination is like being in a relationship with someone who is the next best thing to a sociopath.) But again, I can't stress strongly enough that their bad behavior was about a lack of character combined with mental illness - not about being Aspie. There are lots and lots of nice, decent, kind, honest, loyal Aspie men out there - but they're men of character - who happen to have Asperger's Syndrome. Maybe persuading people to evaluate Aspies for the people they are - rather than their diagnosis - would be a worthwhile endeavor?


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13 Apr 2011, 12:56 am

What you see is what you get.

Very direct.



Northeastern292
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13 Apr 2011, 10:39 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
OP, I'm not sure I understand the premise of your speech. You should date an Aspie for the same reasons you'd date an NT: because you have similar values, you share common interests, you're attracted to each other, you bring out the best in each other, etc. (I think it's worth mentioning that both partners have to be patient, and open to experimenting with communication to find a style that works for both of them.)

There is absolutely nothing about being Aspie that makes a person more loyal, faithful, or honest. Please don't spread that myth - it's damaging and hurtful. The two Aspies I dated were - by far - the most manipulative, destructive, disloyal, cheating, hateful liars I've ever known. Were they such lousy people because they were Aspie? I don't think so. I think there were other factors that had much greater influence on their behavior than Asperger's: they were both raised in extremely dysfunctional families, and one of them very likely suffered from Attachment Disorder. (That combination is like being in a relationship with someone who is the next best thing to a sociopath.) But again, I can't stress strongly enough that their bad behavior was about a lack of character combined with mental illness - not about being Aspie. There are lots and lots of nice, decent, kind, honest, loyal Aspie men out there - but they're men of character - who happen to have Asperger's Syndrome. Maybe persuading people to evaluate Aspies for the people they are - rather than their diagnosis - would be a worthwhile endeavor?


Actually, before I start a flame war, I just wanted to mention that I was originally meaning to try to have people see that dating someone on the spectrum isn't a big deal.

The original specific purpose for the speech was "To persuade my audience to at least consider going out with someone on the autistic spectrum." So I'm now stuck with a topic that I want to fulfill, and yet I really don't have a good reason.



HopeGrows
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13 Apr 2011, 11:16 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
OP, I'm not sure I understand the premise of your speech. You should date an Aspie for the same reasons you'd date an NT: because you have similar values, you share common interests, you're attracted to each other, you bring out the best in each other, etc. (I think it's worth mentioning that both partners have to be patient, and open to experimenting with communication to find a style that works for both of them.)

There is absolutely nothing about being Aspie that makes a person more loyal, faithful, or honest. Please don't spread that myth - it's damaging and hurtful. The two Aspies I dated were - by far - the most manipulative, destructive, disloyal, cheating, hateful liars I've ever known. Were they such lousy people because they were Aspie? I don't think so. I think there were other factors that had much greater influence on their behavior than Asperger's: they were both raised in extremely dysfunctional families, and one of them very likely suffered from Attachment Disorder. (That combination is like being in a relationship with someone who is the next best thing to a sociopath.) But again, I can't stress strongly enough that their bad behavior was about a lack of character combined with mental illness - not about being Aspie. There are lots and lots of nice, decent, kind, honest, loyal Aspie men out there - but they're men of character - who happen to have Asperger's Syndrome. Maybe persuading people to evaluate Aspies for the people they are - rather than their diagnosis - would be a worthwhile endeavor?


Actually, before I start a flame war, I just wanted to mention that I was originally meaning to try to have people see that dating someone on the spectrum isn't a big deal.

The original specific purpose for the speech was "To persuade my audience to at least consider going out with someone on the autistic spectrum." So I'm now stuck with a topic that I want to fulfill, and yet I really don't have a good reason.


So, if you want to try to have people understand that dating someone on the spectrum isn't a big deal, why don't you try to persuade your audience that they should evaluate people based on their character, rather than their diagnosis? Because you can find wonderful partners - who happen to be Aspie - if you're open to dating an Aspie. Just because there is no etiology between Asperger's and the characteristics of a good mate doesn't mean they're mutually exclusive either: a good mate can be Aspie; a bad mate can be Aspie. I hope the message you get across to your audience is that Asperger's doesn't define a person as a good mate, and it doesn't disqualify them from being a good mate, either.


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Starlight-Supernova
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14 Apr 2011, 4:57 am

I agree with HopeGrows. The condition doesn't really effect how they turn out...I've talked to people with different problems and I can say I get on with a few....as some of them can be very hurtful and nasty....that isn't their condition that makes them so...it's the personality that drives them to be so awful to others.