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AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Apr 2011, 10:16 pm

I struggle with friendship, too. And in conventional terms, people might label me a loser. Nonconventional terms, I think I get a lot done.

Please do look for reasons to keep living. For starters, we need you here, right. 8)



Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 11 Apr 2011, 10:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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11 Apr 2011, 10:17 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
I mean, you might not get denied. In your case, the system might work like it's supposed to. Yes, you might get lucky.


yeah I don't usually get lucky...In fact I can't think of a single time I have.



Sweetleaf
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11 Apr 2011, 10:20 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
I struggle with friendship, too. And in conventional terms, people might label me a loser. Nonconventional terms, I think I get a lot done.

Please do look for reasons to keep living. For starters, we need you here, right. 8)


well I guess it would just be nice to have one friend in real life thats close to my age that actually wants to spend time with me. I mean sure I can hang out with my younger brother and his friends because they are cool with me, my cousin and her friends are fairly easy to get along with.......but I hate that I can never seem to make any friendships of my own. And a lot of times it turns out my 'friends' arent even real friends and just want me so I can buy things for them or whatever.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Apr 2011, 10:22 pm

Sometimes a person does get a good run of luck. I mean, it happens (not enough for me recently :? it happens)

With friends, some people do like 'different' people (and I certainly am different) and authenticity seems to kind of be the calling card, and a person doesn't even need to be that honest, just medium honest



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Apr 2011, 10:23 pm

if you're 21, what if you looked for friends or open to friends, somewhat older like in their twenties?



Sweetleaf
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11 Apr 2011, 10:24 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Sometimes a person does get a good run of luck. I mean, it happens (not enough for me recently :? it happens)

With friends, some people do like 'different' people (and I certainly am different) and authenticity seems to kind of be the calling card, and a person doesn't even need to be that honest, just medium honest


Well I suppose I just don't want to get my hopes up or anything.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Apr 2011, 10:26 pm

with depression, we had an interesting post where a person didn't have much luck with SSRI (serotonin) but a doctor hypothesized he had too little norepinephrine. And the medication Cymbalta made a big difference

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3536242 ... t=#3536242

Of course other people, same drug won't help at all. Human biochem just real complicated and subtle. Need a doctor who keeps tinkering



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Apr 2011, 10:28 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well I suppose I just don't want to get my hopes up or anything.

Yeah, I don't like gettting my hopes up either. That's kind of a tough one.

Okay, I have my theory of nine. That out of nine social groups, whether kayaking or stamp collecting, only one on average will work out. Because people are so full in their life working more than 40 hours a week, family, etc, that they don't have time to meet a new person even a very interesting person like me



Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 11 Apr 2011, 10:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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11 Apr 2011, 10:29 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
if you're 21, what if you looked for friends or open to friends, somewhat older like in their twenties?


Well that would be fine, but even that seems unlikely....I mean most people do not even bother to talk to me unless I am with other more social people.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Apr 2011, 10:32 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
if you're 21, what if you looked for friends or open to friends, somewhat older like in their twenties?


Well that would be fine, but even that seems unlikely....I mean most people do not even bother to talk to me unless I am with other more social people.


And you might be in a difficult position, that you're among the older non-grad college student. In fact, it wasn't till years, years later that I figured out contributing reasons to my 11th grade year and esp my 12th grade year in high school was so hard, no one older as far as analyzing things and intellectual (yes, I am smart, on certain things, other things, not so much)



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11 Apr 2011, 10:33 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well alright I guess that is not too bad...uhh this probably sounds stupid but if I don't get approved and then the college loans and grants are not enough for me to be able to afford to live independantly I don't think I will have much more motivation to keep living. I mean come on no one is ever going to want to be friends with or date some loser who can't afford to move out of their moms house and can't do adult things because they are worried about what their mom will say when they show up at home at 3 in the morning. she does not even know I drink...well now I am getting off topic but these things are getting to me so I guess I am a bit on the desprate side and since it seems most people are positive that I will get denied over and over again makes it seem quite impossible.


I hear you. I've been denied twice and have just filed for my appeal for a hearing.

Having disabilities doesn't make you a loser, though. Realistically speaking, you deal with what you can. There's nothing wrong with getting support from relatives, it's just this messed up culture that places a premium value on living independently at any cost. I am not sure people who would judge you for that especially at your age are necessarily people whose friendship would help much.

As for suicide, all I can say is that at my most depressed, I was always grateful after an attempt failed. I thought about it a lot, but when it came right down to it, I didn't want to die, I just wanted the pain to go away. I don't know if that helps any, but I mean, I spent some 14 years constantly thinking about it and attempted it several times over a one-year period.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Apr 2011, 10:35 pm

with groups, I can kind of go three times, maybe sometimes more, then if I'm not really accepted or it's not really clicking for me, my energy kind of bogs. As far as going again. Actually, that might be kind of healthy.

Modest success with indy kind of alternative coffee shops where it's normal to bring a backpack of books and kind of hang, might get some conversation, might not, but even that's okay



Sweetleaf
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11 Apr 2011, 10:36 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
if you're 21, what if you looked for friends or open to friends, somewhat older like in their twenties?


Well that would be fine, but even that seems unlikely....I mean most people do not even bother to talk to me unless I am with other more social people.


And you might be in a difficult position, that you're among the older non-grad college student. In fact, it wasn't till years, years later that I figured out contributing reasons to my 11th grade year and esp my 12th grade year in high school was so hard, no one older as far as analyzing things and intellectual (yes, I am smart, on certain things, other things, not so much)


Well I guess I don't see how I am going to pass my classes well enough to keep getting the financial aids and loans...when every day I am reminded of how completly isolated and alone I am. I mean if I start doing badly in class and am not approved for the SSI I will be forced to stay at my moms house probably which will ensure I cannot live the lifestyle I enjoy. I hate to complain but I don't see how I am supposed to have any quality of life if things continue this way.



Sweetleaf
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11 Apr 2011, 10:39 pm

Verdandi wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Well alright I guess that is not too bad...uhh this probably sounds stupid but if I don't get approved and then the college loans and grants are not enough for me to be able to afford to live independantly I don't think I will have much more motivation to keep living. I mean come on no one is ever going to want to be friends with or date some loser who can't afford to move out of their moms house and can't do adult things because they are worried about what their mom will say when they show up at home at 3 in the morning. she does not even know I drink...well now I am getting off topic but these things are getting to me so I guess I am a bit on the desprate side and since it seems most people are positive that I will get denied over and over again makes it seem quite impossible.


I hear you. I've been denied twice and have just filed for my appeal for a hearing.

Having disabilities doesn't make you a loser, though. Realistically speaking, you deal with what you can. There's nothing wrong with getting support from relatives, it's just this messed up culture that places a premium value on living independently at any cost. I am not sure people who would judge you for that especially at your age are necessarily people whose friendship would help much.

As for suicide, all I can say is that at my most depressed, I was always grateful after an attempt failed. I thought about it a lot, but when it came right down to it, I didn't want to die, I just wanted the pain to go away. I don't know if that helps any, but I mean, I spent some 14 years constantly thinking about it and attempted it several times over a one-year period.


Its not that i have an issue with getting help from relatives....its more like the relatives that would help me don't even know who I am so I always have to pretend to be someone else around them. I can't go through life putting on an act just so my family will assume they like the person I supposedly am and continue helping. So I have to find a way to live independently. and yeah as for the suicide thing I don't really want to die but death would be better then having to put on such an act.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Apr 2011, 10:44 pm

Sweetleaf, might you have some relatives like a grandparent, Aunt, Uncle, older cousin likely to be nonjudgmental or less judgmental, you could stay with a little while, or try it out the beginning of the Summer that kind of thing?

We should be accepted for who we are, each of us, and our families don't always do this, run some version that we should 'try harder' or similar bs



Last edited by AardvarkGoodSwimmer on 11 Apr 2011, 10:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sweetleaf
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11 Apr 2011, 10:49 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Sweatleaf, might you have some relatives like a grandparent, Aunt, Uncle, older cousin likely to be nonjudgmental or less judgmental, you could stay with a little while, or try it out the beginning of the Summer that kind of thing?


Well me and my cousin may be getting an apartment together...but she wants to try and find a job and i have to wait and see if I get the SSI or not, if not then I probably wont be able to afford it but might depending on what money I get for college. I know my mom won't like it, but I can't let her control what I choose to do...I just wish she knew who I was and would accept it. But she does not know me and would not accept me as I really am. I mean she does not even know that I drink alcohol at least once a week or more.