Make an extremely dark joke.

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AuntBlabby showed me it. I'm glad you liked it too.

Luv it!!
while on the subject....



Trump is an inspiration to a new generation of kids.
Kids used to be told ‘Believe in yourself, you can be anything when you grow up, you could be President’. The kids and the parents both knew that there was no chance of it actually happening.
Now, it’s a genuine possibility.



Trump's nothing like Hitler… there's no way he could write a book.



You can actually make your own Trump policies by going through the incinerator at the Daily Mail and picking through the dust for anything they thought might get them prosecuted.



Following endless negotiations with North and South Korea, Trump said that East and West Korea must be very peaceful as he never hears about them.



Say what you like about Trump, but he is doing more than anyone else in the world to get the US president impeached.


Trump is like a top shelf vodka...
Expensive, transparent, and wouldn't be here if not for Russia.


How is Trump's presidency like climate change?
Every day it gets worse and republicans try to deny it.


Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts 'Mickey Mouse!'
This startles the would-be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, 'What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?'
Blushing, the agent replies, 'I got nervous. I meant to shout 'Donald, duck!'

The one about East and West Korea and the last one "Donald Duck!" Made me laugh so hard!

A man was very ill and laying on his deathbed while his wife sat next to him, grieving and doing what she could to make his last few hours comfortable. The husband then used what little strength he had left to say to her, "My dear beloved wife, there's something I've been keeping a secret from you, and I have to tell you before I die."
His wife said gently, "No, save your strength, you don't have to tell me anything, it's okay."
The husband said, "It's not okay. If I'm to leave this world in peace, I must tell you about the horrible deed I committed. My love, I... I've been having an affair with your sister... I'm very sorry I did such a terrible thing. Please forgive me."

His wife said softly, "It's all right, my dear. In fact, I already knew what you did. Which is why I poisoned you."

My grandfather said I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

How dare you call me a psycho?! I'm gonna chop your head off and turn your skull into an ashtray for that!

You know, I've never really met any insane anti-vaxxers offline. Seems only a few express their beliefs in such a ridiculous way online while most other anti-vaxxers are really secretive and low-key.

Either that, or they're too busy tending to their children's funerals.

I found a picture on peopleofwalmart.com that had a changing table with a "place sacrifice here" and a "hail satan" written on it. I guess that's a gothic persons different way of saying "should have worn a condom".

This is more just gross, but anyways...


What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

Did you hear about the new ad for cruise ship expeditions?

Where will you be when your diarrhea comes back?

What's the difference between babies and birds?
Babies don't fly when you throw them off buildings.



OMG, OMG, there is something really, really nasty on your neck! Ewwwwww!
oops.... no wait...
That's just your head!



A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?”
He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”



I've finally decided to start eating vegan.
I've eaten a few of them now and I have to say, they aren't that tasty but I feel like I'm making a difference in the world already!



Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"


Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."



An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."


A husband says to his wife, "You know, our son got his brain from me." The wife replies, "I think he did. I still got mine with me!"

A little boy comes running Into the room and says, "Grandpa! Grandpa! Can you make a sound like a frog?" The Grandpa says, "I don't know, why?"

The little boy says, "Because grandma says as soon as you croak, we can go to Disneyland!"

If there is one thing money can't buy, it's your mama. She is for free and everyone knows it.

Skilpadde,

I like the "fat cow" one!

On a related note, a student asked his teacher, "Can you get punished for something you didn't do."

Teacher: No, that would be unfair.

Student: Well, I didn't do my homework. It was way too boring and I used it to line my cat's litter box."

ha ha ha ha ha ha

Me in 1985: By 2019, we're gonna have flying cars and be able to live on the moon!

Me in 2019: *sigh* Let's go over this again: The earth is round, vaccines work, the Nazis were bad, and it's not a good idea to make your child drink industrial bleach.