Make an extremely dark joke.

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okay, enough net for today

When I’m bored I text a random number and say: "I hid the body… now what"

On an elevator with a friend, I'll wait until the doors open to turn to him and say, "... that's when I found the body."

It's called professional sports.

I love your sense of humour Skilpadde.

It reminds me of when I was a kid we used to phone a random number and ask to speak to Charlie. Maybe 7 or 8 kids within the space of 30 mins. Then one of the guys would phone and say "Hi, I'm Charlie, I believe you have some messages for me." Dumb I know but we were rolling about for hours laughing. I know, we were very tame. Apart from stealing bubble gum once that's about the most evil thing I have ever done.

My mom described to me exactly the same prank, only the name was different

sighes ... there is something off about my

Mommy mommy, the lawn mower just cut my toe off!

Honey, I'm on the phone right now, just stay outside until it stops bleeding, okay?

Not quite a joke, but it's dark and I am joking, even if srs.

"That's just Louis Cyphre, he's a stupid little s**t -
- always throwing violent fits
another hyper ret*d kid who will never amount to s**t;
he needs a psychiatrist and whatever drugs the doctors can supply him with"
and you wonder why even as a kid I knew my life is s**t -
- and most of the time I don't know why I exist;
except to provide a home for psoriasis until the day I die of cirrhosis

Looked out the window this morning and counted fifteen hundred CovID-19 lockdown protesters outside.

Oh, wait, now there's only nine hundred.

If a ghost kills you, can you haunt him in the afterlife? Or would that be workplace harassment?


If a homeless man wants to kidnap you, just say “where are you gonna take me? Your house?”


My school was so ghetto that if somebody tried to shoot it up, some kids would shoot back.

What's the difference between babies and birds? Birds actually fly when you throw them off of buildings.

I was going to write an extremely dark joke here but the light bulb in my lamp blew out.

My BF calls me "Babe". Not because because he thinks I'm hot, but because he thinks I look like the talking pig.

Better than Ursula...

There was a candle.