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Choala
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17 Apr 2011, 7:31 pm

A few years ago I used to have a pretty tight group of friends. We did everything together.

The years made the group fall apart, or at least that's what others told me. The last few weeks, I've come to the realization that the group didn't fall apart at all, they just went on being friends and started ignoring me. When I see them now, they say high and start walking faster as if to avoid conversation. They 'unfriended' me on Facebook, some even stopped following me on Twitter; stuff like that. Those are the people who know each other because of me, who got where they are partially because I helped them get there.

I wonder what I did wrong. Which social rules have I broken? It's not like I can think of a specific moment where things fell apart, it just happened gradually. Except in one situation, when two friends of mine where putting each other down (they were best friends), I told them that they needed to talk to each other instead of me. They got into a fight and never spoke again, blaming me on the end of their friendship. One of those guys is really close with most of my 'lost' friends, which is making me believe that he's the reason that they all started ignoring me. (I can be really paranoid sometimes, I know)

Do others have this problem? Turns out, NT's don't like honesty in friendships. As long as you act like they're the best people in the world, they'll gladly be friends, when you tell them something they don't want to hear... goodbye friendship. I do have three good friends, two aspies and one with (extreme) adhd.



Radiofixr
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17 Apr 2011, 7:52 pm

I can totally relate-I have no friends and the one friend from high school I had-he was more like a brother to me than my real brother-was poisoned against me by his neighbor-so I just am not in contact with him any more because he has to live next to his neighbor I do not. I just do not understand what those of us with ASD's did to the people we know that makes them treat us the way they do-I hate how NT people have the ability to hate someone and smile at them while stabbing them in the back and not lose sleep or not feel bad about it-I do not want to have that ability.


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gailryder17
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17 Apr 2011, 7:58 pm

Sucks, man. People often reject other's honesty so they don't get their protective bubble popped. Be straight forward from the start of any friendship you form, that way, they expect the truth from you. That's all I can think of to say.



TenPencePiece
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17 Apr 2011, 8:13 pm

Friends will come and go. Obviously I don't know your circumstances but true friends will understand you almost as well as you do eventually, and will stick around through thick and thin.

Losing friends can be tough. I've lost many, but I guess that's life and you get over it eventually, and meet new people.

Choala wrote:
Except in one situation, when two friends of mine where putting each other down (they were best friends), I told them that they needed to talk to each other instead of me. They got into a fight and never spoke again, blaming me on the end of their friendship.


That really doesn't sound like your fault. If they can't remain friends with each other, it's not your problem.

Choala wrote:
Do others have this problem? Turns out, NT's don't like honesty in friendships. As long as you act like they're the best people in the world, they'll gladly be friends, when you tell them something they don't want to hear... goodbye friendship.


I've found that to be very true with a lot of people, but not all.


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Pondering
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17 Apr 2011, 8:23 pm

Choala wrote:
A few years ago I used to have a pretty tight group of friends. We did everything together.

The years made the group fall apart, or at least that's what others told me. The last few weeks, I've come to the realization that the group didn't fall apart at all, they just went on being friends and started ignoring me. When I see them now, they say high and start walking faster as if to avoid conversation. They 'unfriended' me on Facebook, some even stopped following me on Twitter; stuff like that. Those are the people who know each other because of me, who got where they are partially because I helped them get there.

I wonder what I did wrong. Which social rules have I broken? It's not like I can think of a specific moment where things fell apart, it just happened gradually. Except in one situation, when two friends of mine where putting each other down (they were best friends), I told them that they needed to talk to each other instead of me. They got into a fight and never spoke again, blaming me on the end of their friendship. One of those guys is really close with most of my 'lost' friends, which is making me believe that he's the reason that they all started ignoring me. (I can be really paranoid sometimes, I know)

Do others have this problem? Turns out, NT's don't like honesty in friendships. As long as you act like they're the best people in the world, they'll gladly be friends, when you tell them something they don't want to hear... goodbye friendship. I do have three good friends, two aspies and one with (extreme) adhd.
This is very similar to what happened to me in the past. It seems if you do not do what many NT's and AS people (don't want to exclude anybody) think is the right thing to do in terms of socializing then they will lose respect for you. People are very judgmental from what I've experienced. You can be a great person but if you do not fall under their standards, whether or not they are irrational, they will judge you and may even end your friendship.

Looking at things on a more positive level, you are without their nonsense, and you now have the chance to find better friends. Although it may take some time it will be worth it when you find them. I wish you luck.


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namaste
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19 Apr 2011, 12:16 pm

It hurts really really hurts when friends leave you and remove you from facebook etc

Happened with me often. i am quite used to it now.
They have a standard format for friendship the most they expect is someone talkative and good communication
knowledgeable
If you lack somewhere on this level then they will outcast you.

Earlier i used to loose friends because i was bitching behind their backs and saying nasty things
and they used to end up telling each other later on what i said

Then when i learnt from this mistake i lost friends because i did things without thinking twice
means not decent, appropriate behaviour.

Now im unable to make much friends because all the time i keeping thinking what to do and what
not to do
:roll: