A question for people on the spectrum about relationships

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Do you usually have relationships with other ASDers or with NTs?
Prefer relationships (or married to) someone with ASD 23%  23%  [ 9 ]
Prefer relationships (or married to) an NT 31%  31%  [ 12 ]
No relationship, but would prefer someone with ASD 18%  18%  [ 7 ]
No relationship, but would prefer an NT 21%  21%  [ 8 ]
No relationship, and never want one with anyone 8%  8%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 39

Tim_Tex
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18 Apr 2011, 3:41 pm

I have been with one of each, and I found that I do better with people on the spectrum.

This is based mostly on the fact that although I have made great strides as far as communication goes, I still feel like I have to be psychic to be able to understand an NT. Plus the NT ex-girlfriend cheated on me.

Granted there still can be obstacles in an ASD-ASD relationship, depending on what level of functioning the two people are. For instance, I am very high-functioning/mild AS who can handle routine changes rather well, and has overcome his sensory issues. I think for such a relationship to work, it would work better with someone with a similar level of functioning.

For the records, I haven't had a single meltdown in almost 11 months as of today.


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Tim_Tex
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18 Apr 2011, 3:41 pm

I have been with one of each, and I found that I do better with people on the spectrum.

This is based mostly on the fact that although I have made great strides as far as communication goes, I still feel like I have to be psychic to be able to understand an NT. Plus the NT ex-girlfriend cheated on me.

Granted there still can be obstacles in an ASD-ASD relationship, depending on what level of functioning the two people are. For instance, I am very high-functioning/mild AS who can handle routine changes rather well, and has overcome his sensory issues. I think for such a relationship to work, it would work better with someone with a similar level of functioning.

For the records, I haven't had a single meltdown in almost 11 months as of today.


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robertyknwt
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18 Apr 2011, 4:28 pm

Twice I've married NTs (6.5 years first time, almost 19 years and counting second time). But I think I jumped into both marriages out of a sense of desperation (like, "OMG here's someone who's interested in me and I'll never find anyone else interested in me and I'd better jump at the chance or else I'll never get laid!").

I'm not planning on changing anything, but if I had it to do over again, I think I'd stay unmarried, find some "friends with benefits", whatever.

Never been in a relationship with another on the spectrum, but it'd be interesting to see how that'd go.... ASD online personals, anyone? ;)



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18 Apr 2011, 4:38 pm

I would prefer someone who doesn't cling to labels or group thinking. Whether it's Aspie pride or black pride, there is enough pride as it is. Since nothing is sacred for me, I would have to be in a relationship with someone for whom nothing is sacred. However, finding someone that far along at the age of 22 is next to impossible. It's sort of like having an impressive resume, but being turned down by every job because you are overqualified. This has jaded my view of relationships, and given me a superiority complex that, although not without merit, still leaves a hollow tang. Sometimes I wish I didn't know now what I know now. So many people say "If only I knew then what I know now" as if that's a good thing.



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19 Apr 2011, 7:21 am

I have only a very limited experience, and I'm interested in this topic, so thank you for your opinions.

I had a relationship with a girl for about 1 year. It was not long ago. She is undiagnosed, but I think either she is on the spectrum or she has something that I can not identify. Perhaps she has traits of both schizophrenia and ASD. Narcissistic and intolerant. I wish I could have handled that.

I don't know what I would prefer, maybe ASD, since the deeper understanding of each other is something that I dream of.


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biostructure
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19 Apr 2011, 3:44 pm

I put that I'd prefer a NT, but that's because it said "relationship". I am typically most attracted to people who can compensate for my skewed intellectual vs. emotional development, and thus most of these people will not be on the spectrum. But in a practical sense, for a purely sexual relationship and/or friendship I might do better with someone else on the spectrum, even though I wouldn't be more attracted to that type of person than someone more typical.



Superfly
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20 Apr 2011, 2:12 am

This poll badly needs a "I don't have a preference" option.



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20 Apr 2011, 7:37 am

I chose the last option. I don't want to have a relationship. My last one over three years ago was pretty horrible. He was as NT as they come. He always wanted me to socialize with his friends and he was constantly hanging out with them. I developed some terrible social anxiety after it ended.

I think even if I dated someone with an ASD they would need to have the patience of a saint and hopefully not be a saint, or at least be one but still believe in the big bang theory and evolution cause there's no way I'm keeping those opinions to myself.
I don't really have much desire to be with anyone.
Maybe I'll be like Marie Curie and find someone as awkward and nerdy as me. I ain't holding my breath though.


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20 Apr 2011, 11:31 am

Well, while I'm sure it's happened, I can't say that I have ever knowingly met an adult with an ASD, so I really can't say which I would prefer to have a relationship with.



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20 Apr 2011, 12:14 pm

Although I have AS, I am happily married to an NT.


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