Why is it i cant talk to girls but i can talk to a mates....

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TB_TB_TB_TB_TB_TB
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23 Apr 2011, 3:32 pm

.....girlfriend?



MarketAndChurch
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23 Apr 2011, 3:39 pm

that is a bit weird... I think because there is an immediate no-go as far as sex is concerned between the two of you so you might feel safer and less tense to engage conversation. Do give us some details :)


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Wallourdes
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23 Apr 2011, 3:40 pm

Because you might experience the mates' girlfriend as off-limit and thus the FNAO rating drops - as in you get shy, stuttering, loss of words, red face, territorial, dominant, etc. when you are with a potential target.
?


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sacrip
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23 Apr 2011, 6:23 pm

Talking to a girl you could go out with is like talking to someone giving you a job interview: You feel like every single thing you say and do is rated and recorded and compared with every other applicant (in this case, other guys) and rather than enjoy the conversation, you see it only in terms of success or failure. Performance anxiety is performance anxiety, no matter where or what you're doing.


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Jacob5562
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23 Apr 2011, 7:10 pm

I can talk to girls, but I can never get one to fall in love with me :? . I did have times where I could have asked girls out, but It didn't work very well...



PenguinCoder
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29 Aug 2012, 8:54 pm

i have experienced this. i still have trouble interacting at first, but i am way more comfortable talking to a friend's GF than with someone that is a potential mate.



MacDragard
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29 Aug 2012, 11:08 pm

Because you're not outcome-driven when it comes to a girl who's already taken.



outofplace
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30 Aug 2012, 12:37 am

I'm the opposite, actually. I can talk to a friend's girl just fine because there is no pressure on me to perform. Someone I have a chance with though I would have difficulty with and probably turn them off due to my oddness.


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PastFixations
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30 Aug 2012, 12:58 am

That's because you wouldn't go after your mates girlfriend.
You don't have to worry about her because your mate and her are close and you don't want to break them apart.
With girls that you don't know, there is pressure because you don't know their relationship status and you feel as though asking them out would be awkward. It's how your mind perceives the situation and then you just conflict yourself with thinking that she wouldn't be interested or she's already taken...


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thewhitrbbit
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30 Aug 2012, 8:52 am

Your male friends, there's no sexual tension or fear or rejection.



Colin88
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10 Sep 2012, 11:08 am

I'm the same way. I can't talk to girls nor introduce myself to a girl especially to someone I like. It's about sex appeal. I know I'm not attracted to guys, so I have an easier time.


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JanuaryMan
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10 Sep 2012, 12:14 pm

sacrip wrote:
Talking to a girl you could go out with is like talking to someone giving you a job interview: You feel like every single thing you say and do is rated and recorded and compared with every other applicant (in this case, other guys) and rather than enjoy the conversation, you see it only in terms of success or failure. Performance anxiety is performance anxiety, no matter where or what you're doing.


Thank you for posting this :) and it does get easier over time. I think your problems with women, TB, will not change until you start viewing them differently.



TM
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10 Sep 2012, 12:59 pm

Try adopting a "buyers" stance in your interactions with females, that is to say do not consider them "relationship" or "sexual" material until they've fulfilled certain criteria you have set beforehand. You should be friendly, treat them as you would anyone else, but train yourself to enjoy the interaction rather than your desired end-goal.



JNathanK
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10 Sep 2012, 9:43 pm

TM wrote:
Try adopting a "buyers" stance in your interactions with females, that is to say do not consider them "relationship" or "sexual" material until they've fulfilled certain criteria you have set beforehand. You should be friendly, treat them as you would anyone else, but train yourself to enjoy the interaction rather than your desired end-goal.


Yah, tis just like Buddhism. You have to live in the moment and not be attached to outcome, regret, hope, and fear.



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11 Sep 2012, 2:44 pm

Perhaps it's easier to talk the girlfriends of your friends because there is already somewhat of a connection between you two? - I mean, if you're close friends with their boyfriends,