To be diagnosed or not to be diagnosed, that is the question

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I really feel like I am at a cross roads in my life at the moment and genuinely do not know what to do.

My family, my doctor and I all think there is a good likelyhood I have Asperger’s; the question is should I go and get a formal diagnoses or not?

The actual process itself would not present a problem. My parents are happy to pay for it to be done privately and have even found a doctor who is an expert in Adult Asperger’s who practices in the city in which we live.

The thing is I really don’t know if it will be a help or a hindrance.

I am in my mid 30’s and am not looking, at least a moment to claim any benefits (welfare) because of it. However, there may come a time when I need to, do I want to go through formal diagnoses then?

I already have dyslexia, dyspraxia and depression on my record, do I really need a forth 'label'?

Depression is something that has haunted me since my teens, mainly due to my social isolation and I wonder, if I am formally diagnosed with Asperger’s, this would help? The things is, if I do get a formal diagnoses, is there help out there? Can I be taught how to cope better with my problems?

At the moment I am not fit to work, but when I am, will formally being labelled as having Asperger’s hinder me? I know that legally employers are not meant to discriminate but I know that it does not always work that way in the real world.

There is also a part of me that feels if I try that bit harder, listen to the advice people give and act upon it, I can change myself and resolve my issues; Having a formal diagnoses would end this illusion that I have control, which I am not sure wouldn’t, in the long term, be such a bad thing.

However, how would I cope if they said I don’t have Asperger’s and it’s ‘just me’?

I am very confused and really don’t know which way to go. I would really appreciate advice from other adults both diagnosed and undiagnosed. What has been your experience? Has been diagnosed helped or hindered you? Has being formally undiagnosed help or hindered you? What would you do in my place?

All experiences, advice, information etc, both positive and negative, will be gratefully received.

Theoretically, I'm NT, even though I have my doubts, so let's just say I'm undiagnosed:) But, whatever you choose to do, you have no reason to be ashamed of yourself, I honestly believe a diagnoses is not supposed to put a label on you, but it is the first step to getting help if this is what you need. Besides, having control is not everything, sometimes it turns out it's better for you to allow someone else to help you.

Mia Michaels (some of you may have heard of her) once talked about people who should celebrate their quirkiness and it struck me. By that time I always thought I should try to be like everyone else so I could "fit" and for that to happen, I must inhibit my personality. Whoever you (know you) are, allow yourself to be YOU, with or without your diagnoses.

Mirela has some good advice, but I'd like to add to some specific concerns.

I'm at about the same place as you, Jacs. I'm undiagnosed but 90% convinced I have AS. However, I am jealous that you have a supportive family behind you; my mom refuses to believe she has an autistic son.

I can't say for certain that it's the same in your country, but in mine, you don't have to disclose a formal diagnosis when interviewing for a job, and I don't believe most employers would go to the trouble of a medical history check.

Also, I wouldn't view the diagnosis as a label. I would view it as an answer. Consider that everyone in life is wandering a dark maze. Most people seem to have either a map or good night vision to get around. Aspies are in the dark, bumping into every wall in their path. The "answer" of AS gives you a candle. It's not perfect, but it's enough to begin finding your way.

I was in the same position as you - not sure if a diagnosis would help or hinder me, especially with finding work.

Now that I have a diagnosis (last week), I'm glad I got one. I told my psychiatrist that I'm worried about being out of work and she explained that I can get specialised support from the job centre. Also, if I apply for a job and I meet the job requirements, some employers will guarantee an interview. It's not just about work though. The most important thing is that it means I have answers and a better understanding.

It's good that you have a supportive family. Your Mum sounds brilliant.

I don't know if this helps, but here's a link to information about Disability Employment Advisers: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/Employmentsupport/LookingForWork/DG_4000324

Struggling with the same question. For my (probably) Aspie husband, it's not even a struggle. He accepts his probable Aspie-ness but doesn't care if it's formal or not. It wouldn't change anything, he's gotten this far in life (48 years old) with no professional help or peer support, and he makes a living, so what difference would it make to him if a doctor put a label on him? His own questions about himself are answered, and that's all he needs.

I'm a different story. Before my marriage to him, I was on disability and had trouble holding a job. I have other diagnoses, and could get help on those bases, but I think I would like a diagnosis if for no other reason than to keep people from rolling their eyes at yet another hare-brained idea I've come up with. I don't want to tell people I have AS, and then be met with, "Yeah, says YOU." Nor do I want to say I *think* I have AS, and be dismissed as a hypochondriac.

What's funny is that years ago, when I was a child and my mother was a psychology student, she came across some information on high-functioning autism. As she later told me, "The whole time they were describing it, I kept thinking of you." Why the hell didn't she *pursue* that line of thinking? It would have saved a lot of struggle, had we all known for sure.

The thought just occurred to me, after the research I've done, the tests I've taken, and the life I've experienced, nobody else's opinion, professional or not, is going to convince me I *don't* have it. So until I get it on paper, I guess you could call me self-diagnosed, as opposed to suspected. Because it might not be formal, but baby, I've got it.

idk a diagnoses at this point is purely a legal matter. please take some advice it is not really an emotional thing it is purely about how society makes pecking orders and decides who gets to victimize the other. there are people who have used diagnoses to get disability payments (which is not victimization). there are criminals who get diagnosed to get let off the hook. there are people who get diagnosed then regret it later because it stops them from getting jobs and lets them get harassed without mercy. a diagnoses should not determine who you are. the diagnoses system is purely a sorting system that the state uses to classify people, it has little to do with who you are, and as a downside it is connected with the asylum system and with people like autism speaks. i would stay out of it unless you think that there is some gain in how you relate to society and the government. anyway sorry if my advice seems kind of theoretical and weird but its a long story put short and as close to the truth as i goddam know from experience.

Just go and get diagnosed. It will clear up any doubts.

BUMP Any more advice would be greatly received