Aspergic

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Hello, I was diagnosed with Aspergers several years ago. I want to discuss it with you all.

In middle school I was always shy, having panic attacks when talking to people and having depression episodes when I even thought of the idea of talking to people. I did not much all year, and I did not participate in any sports, or extracurricular activities. Most of the year I did not really do anything except sit in a corner and let the years fly by.

In high school, I dropped out and returned twice. I am graduating May 13th now, since I've returned. I am still somewhat aspergic but I am doing a much better job now than in middle school. I can communicate with teachers and some students, but I don't like talking in groups. I have a volunteer job at the humane society where I make jokes and such, and talk to the workers, but I don't fancy greeting people.

I am really looking forward to solving this. I am not for sure if my diagnosis was accurate, but I do have aspie symptoms and look forward to moving on from it. I have been reading several communication books, and I do understand human humor, and body language, but I am dry when it comes to using my own language. I know how to speak, I am just afraid of retaliation.

Do you think it possible to make a switch to be more outgoing, more social? I want to do more as a volunteer of my humane society and I am looking a business administration major in college. I have signed up for several communication classes and have been making extra strides, I just want to do more.

It is possible you were misdiagnosed. Perhaps you had social anxiety, or perhaps you just have mild Aspergers. I really have no credentials (or enough information) to say. Anyway, if the diagnosis was correct, I do think it is possible for people to learn skills thereby becoming more mild. I do not, however, believe one can outgrow autism entirely. If one no longer fits the diagnostic criteria, I do not believe they were autistic to begin but rather had similar traits from another disorder.

I don't know for sure either. When I was in first to fifth grade I was the head of the singing group for my church and had a girlfriend and had no problem with presentations. But everything changed after that. I would like to say I don't have it but my own observations are far from conclusive.

Yes. It is absolutely possible to learn how to be more outgoing. I saw learn because outgoingness is something that can be learned, and quite easily at that, as opposed to other aspects of socialization. I can give you some tips to get you started right away. However I must warn you there are a few downsides you should be aware of.

1. As a person with AS, this is probably going to take a lot of energy out of you and you should be cautious not to over extend yourself.

2. Masking your social issues does just that. It masks them. It doesn't get rid of them. If you act like an outgoing, socially well versed NT, people will think you are one, and they might not be so understanding when you mess up due to the AS. In other words, they will over estimate you and it might be a problem when you don't live up to those expectations. You might get into some situations which you find difficult to handle.

So let us start.

Greeting people is a matter of etiquette and the rules for it varies from culture to culture and situation to situation, but there are rules.

As a shy person with social anxiety, the last thing you probably want to do is stand out as odd or weird, correct? Well, when you are shy and quite and don't greet people, guess what? You stand out as odd or weird or possessing some other negative attribute. Shy is usually the last thing people guess for some reason.

When people come into your presence you are generally expected to greet them, and when you don't meet this expectation, you stand out.

In western culture, when meeting someone for the first time, adults typically make eye contact, smile, and shake hands. The dialogue usually consists of a greeting and the person may introduce themselves if they have not been introduced already.

After the initial introduction process, in a formal setting or business casual setting, a "Hi (insert name), how are you today?" Or some similar greeting usually is sufficient.

In a casual setting, amongst friends or family, this is usually truncated to something such as "Hi, what's new?" Or "Hey, how's it going?" Or something of the sort.

If you worked in an environment such as being a clerk at a shop you might say to a customer walking in, whether you have met them already or not "Hello, welcome to (insert business name). How can I help you?"

You have to understand that outgoing people are almost never afraid to greet people. They like meeting new people, interacting with people and usually have a strong need to announce their presence.

Work on that and see how it goes.

One thing I can say: I was diagnosed with AS and co-morbid anxiety. Before I was given that diagnosis my psychologist asked me to think clearly about how and when these symptoms manifested themselves. If I had anxiety prior to getting autistic-like symptoms, then my diagnosis would have been Social Anxiety (or some form of Anxiety anyway). If, however, I had autistic characteristics before anxiety manifested itself, then I would be autistic. I knew for a fact, no doubts about, that I was autistic for as long as I can remember. I did not have anxiety that long. And even now, I don't think I qualify for an anxiety diagnosis per se. I am not anxious of crowds or people or of stores, etc. Sensory overload aside, it is only when I have to connect with the other people, interpret them, or whatever that I begin to feel anxious and that is only because of the torment I was put through by the bullies in school. If it wasn't for the way I was treated then, I think I would still be oblivious to my differences and wouldn't feel the anxiety at all.

IMO, that will be revealing to you if you are able to remember and identify it within yourself. If you can honestly say that there were no signs of autism prior to the anxiety, then I would say the proper diagnosis would be some form of anxiety, which then led to some symptoms that are similar to those found in autistic people. If you can't clearly remember you earlier years, I would suggest asking your parents some questions to see if they noticed anything off. If not, and if you can't either, then I would say autism probably isn't your issue. If those characteristics were present from your time as a baby and toddler without anxiety, then there is a chance that autism/aspergers (with co-morbid anxiety) is the correct diagnosis.

I like the word, Aspergic. It sounds a lot better than the other one.