Do you find it hard to just be yourself?

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I'm very bad at deception and don't know how to be anyone else. I do hide parts of myself in various situations, but I don't substitute them with fake qualities, I just become more withdrawn.

i change depending on what people think about me. i know some people think im an innocent angel so around them i tone down the sarcasm, morbibity and any evidence of sexuality. around people who think i am especially macabe and lust after blood i am these things. around prejudiced people i hide all parts of me they might object to and withdraw(yes i hide my aspie-ness by withdrawing) into myself. around my immediate family who think i have no sexual or romantic desires i give no hint of the fact that i like people or portrayals of things like that. my little sister and young cousins think i'm outrageous and fun so i am hyper with them. i'm never really me unless i'm alone. after all that pretending it's a relief to be alone.

I used to not be myself at all. But these days I like being myself, so I do that more. Most activity you see from me on here is me being myself.

First I have to know myself before I can decide.

Thank you, acacia.
I really am not too sure of who I am. I just know before I married (my current wife), what I seemed to do the most while by myself was read (till late at night; even dawn), play video games, or simply daydream ( for hours).
My Mother was (and is) quite controlling, and wanted me with her for hours at a time. I never really had much of a chance to find "the real me"... (I am slowly "finding myself" only now. I married a strong- willed woman this time; not at my Mothers much, anymore.)
Anyway, I think that might cover me, for now...

I know exactly what you are talking about. I used to feel this more, when younger. I always feel "myself" to myself, inside. But how I am outwardly can change drasticly depending on who I am with. I very rarely feel completely like I am being myself around others. Mostly only with my partner. Thus, most people exhaust me quickly. Alone, my outward self and inner self are the same person. I must be alone, for long periods every day or I don't feel good, or myself.

This is actually something that I value greatly in other people because it translates into sincerity and a genuine attitude as opposed to the deception that is so common in the NT world. At the same time I also realize that this may not always be the instinctive thing for Aspies to do since we often mirror the behavior of others. This is something that I really do wish I understood better because I have seen it so often and at times do it myself. I have read that there are many possible reasons for such mirroring behavior but I don't really know or understand all those possibilities. This might make a good topic for a post here... kind of the converse of this post topic.

As for myself, I always try to be myself but sometimes catch myself behaving like others... or mirroring them to some extent. Occasionally I also intentionally behave in a manner other than being myself, but never to those people who mean something to me and only as a defense mechanism to protect myself from becoming known too well by those whom I do not wish to know me.

I'm still trying to figure out who "myself" is. At work (as a cashier supervisor), I have to be upbeat and cheery with customers, and I can't be negative towards subordinates. When I first clock in, I have to force myself into that mode, but it quickly becomes less of an act and more natural.

So yeah, this really has me confused. Am I the introverted, flat-expressioned aspie I am before clocking in, or am I also the extroverted, cheery, somewhat-wacky guy I am during work? It makes me want to pull my hair out!

If all we did was be ourselves, we wouldn't even be civilized enough to be considered cavemen. Any learned behavior is not our own, which includes almost everything. There are very few things that we do not learn, so technically, we are no one. Only a few people can't say that.

I act like how people around me act. If I'm around a mellow person, I act mellow. The same goes for an exciting person. This explains why many of my friends get surprised when thy see me acting differently from how they, individually, act, because I am always mirroring them and what they want to see or hear in/from me as a person.

Yes-- I do have this problem. If I act upon my native instincts and try to "be myself", I offend people really fast. So.... I adapt and mimic those around me-- not being "myself". I am still confused as to how far I need to go from "being myself" on order to acclimate properly and start moving my life forward in a positive manner, but at the same time I am tired of being someone other than who I am just to avoid trouble. Needless to say I'm in therapy (due to my inability to to maintain a job even with superior specialized work skills-- my personality conflicts with all others in a work environment), but once a week isn't doing it. Thankfully I have a professional evaluation in a few weeks which will give me access to more specific help-- and possibly assistance in job placement somewhere that is understanding of my social inability. It's one thing for an employer to KNOW I have superior work capabilities and skills, then to be told that I have a habit of acting like a 12 year old-- it's another thing when that is actually verified.