My mom lies about me...

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Joined: 24 May 2011
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 96
Location: Northern Nevada

29 May 2011, 2:02 am

...What the heck?

You have a local library, right? Communicate from there. Use email. Explain over email that you can't use the phone because your mentally-ill mother answers and talks about cats or whatever. That'll get around that problem.

Aside from that...move, don't tell her your phone number, and don't stay nearby. Something is seriously wrong with her. You can't help her, now or ever, and it's not your job to. Time to move on and have your own life.

Also, if it's okay...*gives Internet hugs*

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namaste
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Apr 2011
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,365
Location: Hindustan

29 May 2011, 2:14 am

my mom was seriously abused by my father.
she was beaten black and blue.
not allowed to go out
not allowed to talk with people
she was almost raped many times.
all this probably aggravated her mental issues and narcissism
I am more scared of her then anything
and feel its safe to be away from her
though i feel pity for her :roll:

Wuffles
Deinonychus

Joined: 5 Apr 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 354

01 Jun 2011, 10:15 am

mine wasn't abused.

my father died when i was a child but always coddled her. everyone she knows thinks her helpless and takes care of her.

my mom did allow me to be abused. my mom emotionally abuses me (i think).

and if i tell anyone about it, they will feel sorry for my mom.

I'm sorry for what happened to you, but it's not what happened to me. I agree that i'd feel safer away from mine but she's making it next to impossible to do that.

nib
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 31 May 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7

01 Jun 2011, 1:54 pm

Maybe she has borderline personality disorder? There's a web site called bpdfamily that has a message board and a bunch of articles about it.

wefunction
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01 Jun 2011, 2:10 pm

Well, Wuffles, the more you wallow in the impossibleness of your predicament, the less you will be able to solve your own problems. There are two people you depend on in this world: your mother and yourself. It's time to cease your dependency on your mother and place sole responsibility for you on to yourself. You will have to make your boundaries clear. You are looking for a place to live without her assistance. You will be having phone calls without her supervision. She will talk about you to other people in retaliation. It seems like she was doing this, anyway. You will have to create distance from her. You will have to become independent and keep your relationship with your mother separate from the rest of your life. You will have to make your own friends and assemble your own support network. Despite your attempts to argue with all of us over your situation, you have successfully created a support network on this forum. This shows that you can do it. No one will do any of this for you. You will have to be strong enough and love yourself enough to reject the current life in which your mother has confined you. You can make excuses and continue to argue with us, or you can start the task of getting this done.

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." - St Francis of Assisi

My personal favorite:
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

tomboy4good
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01 Jun 2011, 2:14 pm

Wuffles wrote:

My mom and I went to visit an old family friend a few years ago. This is a friend that I like because she's very funny and she often used to say that she liked me too and felt we got on well considering our age difference.

During the visit, the friend left us alone in the house for a few minutes. My mom decided immediately said to me, 'Come on, let's look in her bedroom, I've always wanted to see what it's like.'

I was horrified and refused to go, but she literally took my arm and dragged me there with her. She looked through the drawers and laughed at how dirty the bedclothes were and the whole time I was terrified and hating it (I am a very private person, this seemed to me the worst thing you could do to a friend), and asking her to stop.

Of course the friend came back and caught us in the room. Immediately my mom turned around and apologized to her for MY behavior, telling her that she had caught me in there and tried to stop me.

Even now that friend won't talk to me, and lots of her friends won't either. My mom has completely forgotten about the incident, but she often seems almost pleased that the friend won't talk to me. Of course, no one believes me because I am 'odd' and my mom appears very innocent and sweet.

The thing is, she just did something similar again. My mom has always had an iffy relationship with her sister but I get on well with her. At least I did until my mom noticed. I'd been laughing on the phone with my aunt and my mom walked by and said 'I bet she'll find it funny if I tell her you were drunk when you were talking to her' (I wasn't, I don't drink, do drugs, anything). The next time I answered the phone to my aunt she was utterly cold to me and just said, 'let me talk to your mother'. She never ever talks to me now.

I don't know how to deal with this behavior. I have enough problems of my own, I just can't cope with my mom.
(My father is dead, I live with her on my own.)

How do I cope with this?

Your mom has some serious mental issues, & as soon as you can get away from her craziness, the better off you will be. My mom did stuff like that to me too. It sounds like you need to do everything to protect you because she's undermining any relationships you have. Be it out of jealousy or a mental disorder or a combination, you need to take care of yourself.

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Tippyswivjacksn
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 29 May 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 29

02 Jun 2011, 1:09 am

Your mom sounds very sadistic and mean. I hate to hear about how someone will take advantage of someone's disability like that.

Tippyswivjacksn
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 29 May 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 29

02 Jun 2011, 1:17 am

Your mom sounds very sadistic and mean. I hate to hear about how someone will take advantage of someone's disability like that.

IntrepidWolf
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 7 Apr 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 33
Location: Olympia, Washington

08 Jun 2011, 3:25 am

You need to voice your opinion more, dont let it keep going unheard. Address your mother, address her friend, address your aunt, tell them the problem, point blank range and force an ultimatum on them, whats their problem and tell them waht you want, do you want them to drop it, give to an apology, do you just want them to understand, who knows but obviously you are keeping very quiet or things wouldnt have snowballed so badly.
also, your mom isnt necessarily sinister, maybe shes just naive/ignorant about things like your feelings and the others feelings on the situation.

LinnaeusCat
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Joined: 22 Jul 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 484
Location: Le Monde

10 Jun 2011, 3:26 pm

Scorpion_Heart wrote:

This sounds so much like my own mother....very similar
she wouldnt let me go..even after marriage she used to call up my husband and get info about me
then she would use my sis-in-law to get info about me
even im planning to run away to another place and not leave behind my phone number
seriously i wish i could do that.

You might consider getting a free Google Voice number (see http://www.google.com/googlevoice/about.html for more details) when you move and give everyone that as your new number.

Among other things, the Google Voice number forwards all calls to any phone number you have. You can also use it to block calls automatically from certain people (Mom) or to screen the calls you get without having to pickup.

Just a thought...

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Summer_Twilight
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09 Mar 2022, 4:33 pm

I just stumbled upon this in the archives though it's old but based on the behaviors, this is someone who is a covert narcissist because here are the traits

1. Comes across and genuine, kind, and overly humble while having an agenda
2. Feelings threatened by daughter and undermines her by destroying her relationships in the form of lying
3. Shifting the blame on her daughter when her friends walks in
4. Crying when called out? That's manipulation so she can get away with being abusive. Additionally, playing sweet and innocent is as well because she probably sees her daughter as a threat.

For whatever reason, this woman thinks the world owes her a living and would be hurt anyone

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