Why do women find confidence attractive?
Perhaps it's a stereotype but generally it's assumed women find men being confident attractive and certainly my female friends have said they find confidence attractive. Why is this?
I cannot imagine a women being more attractive because she is confident. It doesn't seem to add to her character or personality, doesn't make her some I'm more likely to get along with or to connect with.
It's obvious a problem for men with AS because I'm not confident in social situations. I'm always going to struggle initiating conversations, let alone dominating them. So why do women find confidence attractive?
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'An ideal of total self-sufficiency. That secret smile may be the Buddha's but it is monstrous seen on a baby's face. To conquer craving is indeed to conquer pain, but humanity goes with it. That my autistic daughter wanted nothing was worst of all.' Park
The_Face_of_Boo
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A man who is more confident than other men is usually more decisive, as well. Decisiveness is a characteristic of wealthy, successful men - "Alpha Males", in other words. Thus, a man who lacks confidence is usually indecisive, and is usually not a leader - they're often called "Losers".
Leaders pull in the higher salaries, losers don't.
Nuff Sed?
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Evolution plays a role, but surely limited.
Consider that for good evolutionary reasons, men like women of a shapely feminine body. Yet this does not mean we ignore every woman without said body. From where I sit, women desiring confidence is far more an influence on who women form relationships with than men's desire for shapely feminine bodies influencing who men form relationships with.
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'An ideal of total self-sufficiency. That secret smile may be the Buddha's but it is monstrous seen on a baby's face. To conquer craving is indeed to conquer pain, but humanity goes with it. That my autistic daughter wanted nothing was worst of all.' Park
Not all women are attracted to self-confident men, although a good chunk of them are.
I think that women who are less-intellectually endowed are attracted to self-confident men. Smart women tend to want an equally smart man -- so that they can connect on an intellectual level. Often intellectual men are sure in their brain power, but may not be sure of themselves socially, financially or athletically. That's alright . . . because if you're comfortable as a couple intellectually, then all the other stuff will come into play over time because you're so relaxed with the person you're with.
I cannot imagine a women being more attractive because she is confident. It doesn't seem to add to her character or personality, doesn't make her some I'm more likely to get along with or to connect with.
It's obvious a problem for men with AS because I'm not confident in social situations. I'm always going to struggle initiating conversations, let alone dominating them. So why do women find confidence attractive?
One girl who rejected me for being "not confident" have asked me "how would our relationship be any different if we were in a relationship?" Apparently, it implies she was willing to ACT like she is in a relationship, but not call it relationship just for the sake of not calling it one. So why is she making such a point not to call it a relationship? Apparently, because it is her "job" to "evaluate" people's confidence and give them titles. Just like if someone is not good at chess, you can't call him "chess champion", but you can still be very close to him. Likewise if someone is not confident a girl can't call him "boyfriend" but she can still be close to that person. That is also why girls cry on a shoulder of their "friends", which SHOULD be a good sign when it comes to emotional connection, but, for some mysterious reason, is a bad sign when it comes to getting a title of a boyfriend.
Why do you relate lack of desire to take part in conversations with cowardly behavior? I'm not scared to talk, rather I'm just struggling with it.
_________________
'An ideal of total self-sufficiency. That secret smile may be the Buddha's but it is monstrous seen on a baby's face. To conquer craving is indeed to conquer pain, but humanity goes with it. That my autistic daughter wanted nothing was worst of all.' Park
Bethie
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I'd prefer an un-confident man, as I'm un-confident myself.
But the best relationship I've ever been in was with a man with AS who had a level of confidence bordering on narcissism.
The AS men I've actually spoken to were all very sure of themselves, some bordering on obnoxiousness-
it simply isn't true that one sex or one neurology has a monopoly on low confidence.
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For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly, destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay.
I think that women who are less-intellectually endowed are attracted to self-confident men. Smart women tend to want an equally smart man -- so that they can connect on an intellectual level. Often intellectual men are sure in their brain power, but may not be sure of themselves socially, financially or athletically. That's alright . . . because if you're comfortable as a couple intellectually, then all the other stuff will come into play over time because you're so relaxed with the person you're with.
exactly that, !
Why do you relate lack of desire to take part in conversations with cowardly behavior? I'm not scared to talk, rather I'm just struggling with it.
Ah, I thought you were referring to lack of confidence in general, not difficulty in conversation. If you continue to try to talk to people despite your struggles, I'd say you were brave.
Confidence in a man means that he most likely has the ability to protect the woman. It's an evolutionary thing. Sure it's the year 2011 now but those preferred traits in a mate from say, thousands or millions of years ago still remain. In the far future, maybe these things won't matter anymore. Maybe a woman will then allow a spineless worm to mate with her.
There's the stereotype of the psychopath, someone full of charm self obsession, yet somehow seems emotionally blunted. I think AS must have influenced that stereotype and its certainly something I can relate to. Trouble is that, in my experience, it can scare people off partially because it is so intense and partially because it is so easy to misinterpret as malicious. Also, that sort of narcissism does not fit well in everyday conversation, you really need to get to know someone before you reveal it.
_________________
'An ideal of total self-sufficiency. That secret smile may be the Buddha's but it is monstrous seen on a baby's face. To conquer craving is indeed to conquer pain, but humanity goes with it. That my autistic daughter wanted nothing was worst of all.' Park
I think that women who are less-intellectually endowed are attracted to self-confident men. Smart women tend to want an equally smart man -- so that they can connect on an intellectual level. Often intellectual men are sure in their brain power, but may not be sure of themselves socially, financially or athletically. That's alright . . . because if you're comfortable as a couple intellectually, then all the other stuff will come into play over time because you're so relaxed with the person you're with.
exactly that, !
That's probably why I'm still bloody poor after all these years...well, at least I'm relaxed.
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