People not realizing the full extent of your difficulties.

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I am very intelligent (I am just stating this as fact, and basing it on test scores, other peoples opinions, etc) and thus over time I have developed a highly comprehensive database of social understanding and correct social behaviour patterns. When I was a child my Asperger's was obvious, and I was a complete social outcast, but now I am indistinguishable from the masses, and have a large number of friends as well as being a member of several friendship groups. I present as normal, and that's what other people say to me if I tell them I am AS. Obviously they don't know what goes on below the surface.

I am ok with this, as over time I have learned to accept this. I have also built up massive endurance as socializing takes a huge toll on me energy-wise due to the extreme complexity of my social schema (the complexity necessary for me to pass as normal). Unfortunately this means that although I can last months, eventually I reach a point where I can't go on and I crash and burn, and thus have regular "breakdowns" which can last for up to two months which are sometimes so severe I am practically bedridden and unable to do basic tasks.

I'm not sure this is a healthy way to live, but I like being "normal" so much I can't let go of it. As people know me for a longer period of time they do notice that I am different, or "weird" (close friends call me that a lot), and the people I spend the most time with think I'm really weird - it's like the weirdness factor increases with the more time a person spends with me.

^^^^

You make like normal though I find it tiring and pointless. I just want to be left alone , well not quite with my birdies They are my best friends

I definitely have a similar problem. I think I generally present as fairly normal, at least after a first meeting. But I think my social deficits become clearer the longer you get to know me and not everyone can deal with it. It's hard to explain it to people, though, and I've lost a lot of new friends this way. At least the way I see it, though, the people who do still like to be around you even after they know you've got your difficulties, those are the ones that are your true friends. The ones that bail after they realize that you're not "just like them" are the ones that aren't really worth your time.

Edit: On a different note, humor is one tool that I use quite often when I try to explain how I am. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but if you can learn to joke about some of your troubles, it helps people understand (and relate). I joke about constantly losing or forgetting things, feeling overwhelmed, being asocial etc. I know how to over-exaggerate from watching too many cartoons, so I used this to my advantage. You'll need to figure out what works for you.

Last edited by syrella on 05 May 2011, 7:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Most people think that autistics are being willfully defiant.

Sometimes I am - usually to do with politics. Most times I am not.

Most neurotypicals approach politics in camps. NT's pick a political party and agree with that party on all of the hardline issues in order to gain social acceptance. Autistics tend to make decisions based on each and every individual issue. Therefore there is no political party that an autistic can conform to.

Funny thing is though that if they actually did believe those things they often wouldn't be voting for that party but for another one.

I'm politically biased but a lot of Tories don't actually agree with what the Tory party actually stands for these days but they still vote for them anyway. People don't think about the issues.

Likewise, a lot of Labour people don't agree with Labour but still vote for them even though, in a lot of cases, they've left many of their voters to rot and taken their votes utterly for granted.

I get it the other way round. Even if people don't know about AS most people will know from the start that there is something 'wrong' with me - what I get is that after people have known me for a while they start to become totally oblivious to my issues.

For example my friends seem to forget I have social issues, my best friend will sometimes make an effort by inviting me to lunch - totally forgetting that I dislike eating in front of others, some places I can't even walk in the front door without having a meltdown/shutdown, and the whole thing becomes awkward as he keeps asking if there is something wrong. My boyfriend has always known about AS, yet he seems to have completely forgotten that I can't use a telephone as he keeps trying to phone me then asking why I don't answer.

I don't know how to make people realize that you have problems, sometimes it would be a hell of a lot easier if we had big signs round our necks stating that we have AS/ASD

Then you'd have people hating you/abusing you/mistreating you/sexually assaulting you because you're an easy target.

I know...although in all fairness, doesn't that happen to some of us to some extent anyway?

It does. And I still haven't quite learned out to stand up for myself in those situations. Or how to tell if I'm being gaslighted by my abusers.

But wearing a sign that exposes your vulnerability isn't just asking for trouble, it's positively publishing it for the world to see.

People vote for the Tories because they are better at financial management, and no one wants their country to go into recession. I don't know much about the Labour party, although it seems to be an equivalent of the NDP party here in Canada.

Okay, I'll stop derailing my own thread now.

but but but...then in those situations you'd have a sign to bash over their heads?

I know, wearing a sign = bad
Thus why I don't wear one, although I do button that proclaims me to be a 'very special person'

My point is, essentially, that the policies of the two parties are almost exactly the same. They just have different tribal rhetoric.

If they really wanted a smaller state, they'd be looking at UKIP. If they wanted an even smaller state then they'd have difficulty, though there really aren't that many nightwatchman libertarians in this country.

That struck me very deeply.
I've been there. I utterly failed my first teaching job because I couldn't handle the social responsibilities. Despite my college training, thorough planning, and best of intentions, when I got in the classroom I froze up and could not function. That was the worst year of my life.

After a few years of doing some part-time gigs, I am back teaching again. Experience has hardened me somewhat, but every day is still an anxiety-ridden, sensory-overwhelming challenge. Yet somehow I function and do well. I am always surprised when I get an evaluation from an administrator, and they're like... "that was fantastic! great lesson, very engaging, etc."
I actually had one tell me that she "couldn't believe" that I could teach like that because in passing I am very withdrawn and shy.

I can tell that some of my co-workers realize that I have difficulties. The full extent of them? Probably not.
Somehow I get by, and everyone seems content to just let me be.

For example our liberal govenor of California, Jerry Brown, when he retired from politics went on record saying that he thought it was crazy for a woman to get an abortion. However when he reentered politics he assumed that it would not be socially acceptable for a liberal to be against a womans right to choose so he supports abortion rights and government funding of abortions. I think neurotypical politicians are more willing to compromise on their opinions in order to fit in.