People not realizing the full extent of your difficulties.

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I am, apparently, very articulate, but I don't have nearly as much social awareness as I appear to have due to this over-articulateness. When I meet a person for the first time, they may not pick up anything overtly strange about me, thus having the same expectations for me as for anyone else. And when I say that I am less competent in this and that, they insist that I am downplaying my strengths. Over time, though, it becomes apparent to them that I am not aware of what the other person is thinking and have serious central coherence difficulties (eg. I cannot relate to the present what was said in the past, I have trouble integrating the context of a situation with the actual situation at hand, I process everything very slowly, I repeat the same things over and over again, etc.). Thus, many of my relationships start off positive in the beginning but disintegrate later on. Some people can pick up on the extent of my difficulties very quickly, but some cannot, which becomes very emotionally damaging to me later on.

I have another friend IRL, who was also diagnosed as a kid, who has the exact same problem. She told her psychology prof about her diagnosis and his reaction indicated that he was skeptical. However, later in class, he was clearly irritated at her for participating excessively in class and not giving the other students a chance to speak. When I brought this issue up later with my counsellor (I had the same problem when I sat in for this class with her), my counsellor said that not being aware of how much one speaks in class and either speaking up excessively or not at all is a characteristic of AS. And the prof, being a psychology professor who teaches about autism, never directly told her that she was being annoying in class (not acknowledging an AS-related problem) while being dismissive of her diagnosis!

My question is, what is the best way to avoid this problem when dealing with people? Would there be anything I could say to someone upon meeting them for the first time to help me avoid this issue of misunderstanding?

I always wish I could have some kind of a social coach by my side who could observe all of my interactions and through clear explanations, help me make sense of all the implicit meanings and emotional content that goes on in interactions. But I don’t think that’s realistic, lol.

I really do want to get at least some insight into this eventually. *sigh*

I really don't know what to tell you, but I have similar issues...

I'm not quite sure how to answer your question, but I thought that was kinda funny. It's hard to believe how stupid people can be sometimes.

But anyway, I think even I don't understand my own difficulties. I had always been told it was all in my head and that I'm just doing acting this way for attention. I have a hard time not believing this after being told it for so many years.

Last edited by SammichEater on 04 May 2011, 7:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have the same problem. If I had a solution, I would definitely share it.

I agree, it is stupid. I am pretty sure I have figured out my difficulties by now to an extent where it's probably not figure-outable any further, but it took me 2 years of reading about AS, meeting new people and asking them about their impression of me and working with people on the spectrum. The problem with being too self-aware and being able to articulate your difficulties to this extent, though, is that you are constantly at risk of sounding like you're making excuses for yourself, just as you said, for attention. I'm sure it would make a difference if these people saw how I was two years ago and earlier, which is, behavior-wise, the exact opposite of who I am now - someone very quiet, very awkward, unable to follow through conversations, not knowing anything about herself and not understanding much about the social world around her. However, I know that on the inside, I am the exact same person as I was before and I can explain how the way I am now makes total sense in terms of the way I was in the past.

I realize now that people are never going to get it. That is depressing. I have been through all sorts of misunderstandings, and there is always something going on just above my head...

Yep: I have that problem too. People say I'm articulate and verbose and thus can't be impaired as I say I am. When I quit a teaching job that I had due classroom management difficulties, my mom told me "You love to talk! It must be you being too "stubborn" to follow the directions you're given."

I run into this to some extent from my therapist, who tries to reassure me that what I say is articulate and focused when it's taking way too much time and energy to get the words out in the first place, plus having to get my own constant digressions back under control. But hey, at least I can talk, right?

Unfortunately the above statement is true. People only see what they want to see and if they can't actually physically SEE disabilities (because they are invisible) they assume they cannot possibly exist.

This is why I generally don't bother telling anyone anything about my difficulties with certain things. I figure they'll either accept me and my quirks or they won't. Then again, I only have one friend, so what do I know?

My life. The end.

I was self-diagnosed for a while and finally started the process of getting an official opinion. I wanted to discuss this with three people in my life, my two parents and a friend. After explaining what it is to my parents, they had many question. However, over the following few days/weeks I got several texts, phone calls, and email about things they found out and how it explains so much of my life.

On the other hand, the friend of a few years and his wife, decided that they should convince me to get a second opinion. They said I couldn't possibly have AS. The reason I was given is that his wife works in special education and I wasn't "disabled" like her kids.

As far as I am concerned now, outside of my parents, there isn't anyone that needs to know and it was a mistake to tell my friend. I thought he could handle it. He only saw a negative label and couldn't see how much of a relief this was to me to finally know.

being the friend you speak of , OP, I can definitely relate. This happens to me all the time. No advice though.............

I had the same problem as well. At my old job, I tried telling my office clerk about my issues but he didn't listen. I didn't even tell him I had AS but I still told him of my difficulties and he couldn't seem to grasp it. I am sure he didn't believe me either.

With my first ex. he knew I had AS and knew I took things literal but he continued to joke around with me often and using lot of sarcasm and couldn't even grasp why he shouldn't do it and doing it too often makes me not listen to people anymore because I wouldn't know if they they are serious or not. He just thought it would teach me to know he is joking and being sarcastic and then he get pissed when I'd take him seriously.

People have not believed I have a learning disability after they'd tell me I am so smart I could go to college. My boss in Montana was one of them who told me this and was like "no way, you're so smart." I took it as a compliment. I have figured out in my early twenties that people seem to assume people with learning disabilities are not smart and when someone is smart, they refuse to believe that person has a learning disability because they aren't not bright.

People have told me I can read people well or that I am good at something. I also take it as a compliment. I was told I can read my baby well but I always think in my head "if I can read him so well, then why do I not know he wants to be held? My husband always has to tell me" and other things my husband can tell I can't see. But I still take it as a compliment. Even the woman from CPS said I can read him well and that's a good sign then that she said it.

And what's so ironic is I have gotten from another aspie "If you know what you are saying, you know what will offend." Now that pisses me off when I get that sort of ignorance from another aspie because they should know better but I am less pissed when it comes from a non spectrum person because they don't know any better.

My solution (if you can call it that) is to be eccentric. Do not try to hide your oddities, but rather try to make them look intentional. Then, when you do something "aspie-ish" people will just think you did it on purpose.

It's not necessarily the best way to go about avoiding this problem, but it keeps me from having to answer too many "what's wrong with you" questions.



I have had the good luck of finding someone like this at work. One of my fellow managers is very supportive and helpful...most of the time*. When I do something that ticks off a customer or one of our bosses, she will usually be able to explain to me what I did wrong and what I should have done, and listen to my explanation of what I thought was going on.

*She is Latina, complete with all the attitude that implies, so sometimes I even manage to piss her off.