Continuing my pleas for help regarding my friend....

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marshmallow
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07 Aug 2006, 10:58 am

First of all, thanks to everyone who helps me on this board, your wisdom is and insight is highly valued.
My dear friend seems to have gone to ground over the last few days. I have tried to get in contact but there has been no response. We last spoke over text, and he seemed to disappear towards the end of the conversation, but this may just be coincidence.
I understand he needs his down time and I respect that, but could you guys answer a couple of questions.
Because we are close, and I have told him he can be himself with me, is he ok with this situation, will he worry I am annoyed even though I have tried to reassure him?
Is he likely to feel bad about not responding but still he cant do it?
Is my best action to just be there when he comes round again, if so shall I act like nothing happened or refer to it eg why did you ignore me?
Shall I send him the occasional message just hi are you ok, or does this feel like pressure?
Or maybe I am making too big a deal of it because I have aspie traits too?
Thanks so much!
Love Marshmallow.



rincemeister
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07 Aug 2006, 12:35 pm

I had a friend I'd known for about 11 years, over the last 3 years he slowly become more and more distant. When we do end up meeting, he acts like nothing is different, but then afterwards he's impossible to contact.

I don't really know your situation but I'll offer my advice.

If you're not getting replies from your messages, phone and arrange to meet and do something at a set time. Watch a movie or do whatever you two have in common.

If you've only recently had a major discussion about 'being his self around you' he might need a little time to think things over, I dont know it could be anything. But try and act like you were before this happened.



marshmallow
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07 Aug 2006, 2:51 pm

Hi rincemeister, thanks for taking the time to reply.
I did try to arrange a definite meeting, but my friend didnt get back.
I think Ive just got to be patient and let him have his downtime, but I cant help feeling a little upset, as Im the type of person that always replies to messages.
But then, I mustnt fall into the trap of assuming everyone thinks and reacts like me.
I really want to be a good friend.



rincemeister
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09 Aug 2006, 7:59 am

I think you may be right about giving him some time. Sometimes people shut themselves out away from everyone for days as a way of coping. Like you said, everyones different.

You seem like a caring friend. Take care.



jonathan79
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12 Aug 2006, 8:55 pm

I have been known to dissapear for a month at a time, maybe even more without so much of a hello. Then, I pop right back up without saying a word. Yes, he very possibly may still be worried that you are annoyed, its unavoidable for some of us. If you want to know why he dissapeared, ask, but don't prod. Casually bring it up, but if he ignores, don't push it. An occasional message may be too much. Maybe once or twice, but anything more and I would feel pressured. Of course, these are just MY preferences, everyones different.


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