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LordoftheMonkeys
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07 May 2011, 9:57 am

In a couple hours I'm going to go to the place where I work and talk to this girl who seemed interested in me and I developed a mild crush on. I intend to start a conversation and then get a number. It would go something like this:

Me: Hey, how's it going?

Her: Pretty good.

Me: Hey, I set up a Facebook account. Want to be my friend?

Her: something, I don't know what she'll say to that

Me: Can I get your number?

Her: My number? What for?

Me: Cause I like you and I want to get to know you.

Some more intermediate dialog

Me: Well, I gotta go. My laptop's in the car and I don't want it to overheat.
This will be appropriate whether she accepts or rejects me

I have to make this as quick as possible and do it without stalking her. This means I probably won't be able to catch her on her break unless I'm really lucky. I will need to have an excuse to talk to her without pulling her aside and distracting her from her work, i.e. by going through her line and buying gum or something.

What do you think of this whole plan?


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superboyian
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07 May 2011, 10:05 am

Er.... I'm not sure if I see that as a good move to make. :lol:
But get into a general conversation first before you consider asking for her Facebook.

I ask for her Facebook first and if that goes well then go for her number.


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MrLoony
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07 May 2011, 10:11 am

For me, I just go straight for the kill (the kill! Muahahahaha). The slow build up betrays a lack of confidence, which is a turn-off.

It's a horrible, terrifying experience, but if she's worth it, you should absolutely do it.


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TB
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07 May 2011, 10:56 am

Why not just ask her to hang out with you right away ?. imo this would show real confidence, i never really get what a number is supposed to stand for. After giving you her number are you going to chat her up through sms ?, call her ?. Both arent any good since sms is nothing compared to real life interaction and why would you want to call her later if you can set up a meeting right away. If you call her later she only has more time to chicken out. Asking for a number is what 90% of guys seem to do.

Im a total noob when it comes to dating so this is mostly theorizing.



RainingRoses
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07 May 2011, 11:02 am

It seems to me that the fantasy you've built up around this girl has gotten so far out in front of the reality that this isn't even about her anymore. Not the real her anyway. And I worry that things are not going to go well when you finally get up the nerve to make your intentions known (which it seems you've been trying to do for a few weeks now) because you've built it up into such a BIG EVENT. I worry that your imagined dialogues are not going to come off perfectly and that you're going to get stuck without a script. There are so many ways that she could respond to "hey, how's it going?"! !!

What's all this about making it quick and not stalking her? About her rejecting or accepting you? You guys are work colleagues. She's a cute girl that you've noticed across the store. You're allowed to chat with her spontaneously for a few minutes today. And tomorrow and next week. Can you resist the temptation to script this all out, just relax, and let things develop organically? She may even like the real you better than the script-writer you. You can't stick to scripts forever, so you might as well drop them now.

You don't need her number yet, and you definitely don't need to be FB friends yet (if ever). You need to be RL friends (or at least acquaintances) first -- and then your romantic fantasies might have a chance.



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07 May 2011, 3:17 pm

I'd try having a casual conversation first and asking how you could get in touch with her again. I never ask for FB or numbers until I actually get to know someone and/or actually need to contact them. If she gives you her number take it and if she gives you her facebook go with that. Also, if I friend someone over FB w/o planning to do so ahead of time and having spoken with them recently, I introduce myself the first time I pm them (Hey, its (insert name) from (insert place)).


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LordoftheMonkeys
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07 May 2011, 3:33 pm

I did everything according to plan. She gave me her Facebook account, but when I asked for her number she said she just got a new phone and she would give it to me on Facebook. I don't know if I should take this as a rejection or just me being too aggressive. I also had some gum stuck to the back of my shirt at that time. I'm not sure if she saw it because she didn't point it out or anything, but it might have been a major turnoff. f**k, I keep screwing up.


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curlyfry
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07 May 2011, 3:37 pm

Bravo! Hopefully she'll accept your friend request then you can go from there.



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07 May 2011, 4:16 pm

I see you already went through with it, but for future reference:

It's often difficult to plan conversations like that. Another issue with planning conversations like that is that if she deviates from "the script" you might get flustered. Instead of planning it out like that, try coming up with a general theme that you want to get across.

Also, asking for the number right after you asked her to be facebook friends is somewhat coming on too strong and might appear needy. You risk scaring a girl off (I use the word risk because it's not for certain, just likely.). Instead, you might try asking for the two things on different occasions. W/ Facebook, people are so casual about it, it doesn't really matter too much how you ask. With the number, you want it to appear natural. Asking a girl out of the blue, "hey, can I get your number" might frighten her. Instead, ask her for the number when you have a reason to get it. Maybe you ask her out to coffee or something, she says yes, so you want to get her number "in case something comes up." This will make sense to her. She won't be thinking to herself, "wait a sec, why does this guy want my number?"

On the gum thing, I wouldn't worry about it. Stuff happens... can't let the small things get you down.



LordoftheMonkeys
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07 May 2011, 4:47 pm

Okay, I guess I kind of dug myself into a hole by asking her for her number. I don't really know how to fix this and convince her that I'm not needy. Obviously I can't go to her on Facebook and say "Sorry I asked for your number. I didn't know it made you feel uncomfortable", because that would make me look like a pu$$y. Probably what I should do now is just take it slow, wait a few days to friend her on Facebook so she doesn't think I'm desperate. Maybe I should at some point mention that I'm an aspie and am not good at approaching social situations; I hope she'll understand.


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hale_bopp
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07 May 2011, 5:21 pm

You really shouldn't have asked for her number straight after you asked for her facebook. It's weird. I wish I had found this thread earlier.

Also don't mention the number again or apologise, thats weird too! Just be her facebook friend without mentioning the number AT ALL. Also don't say anything about aspergers. It just seems like an excuse in this case.



LordoftheMonkeys
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07 May 2011, 7:10 pm

Maybe I should just forget about this girl for now. I've pretty much fu¢ked everything up and anything further I do will just make me look like I'm eager to get in her pants. I may have creeped her out so much that she won't accept my friend request at this point.


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curlyfry
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07 May 2011, 7:25 pm

Don' t worry about it so much. You had two specific things you wanted and you got them. Be proud of yourself and don't apologize. Your young and allowed to be awkward.



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07 May 2011, 7:45 pm

From a woman's perspective, my advice is just be low-key and don't mention the phone number again. I wouldn't mention the Aspie thing yet either because that seems too personal. If it was me, it would seem like too much information from someone I hardly knew.

If she mentions on FB what she likes to do AND it is something that you truly have in common, you could just invite her out for a drink or coffee or whatever. Something VERY casual. Don't make it a date thing-- more like "you and I have got such and such in common. Want to grab a cup of coffee and discuss?"

If she doesn't have time or doesn't seem interested, just leave it open and non-threatening. Say something like, "No problem. If you change your mind and just want to hang out sometime, send me a note via FB." That gives her the option to change her mind... and who knows what might happen? :wink:

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you do a lot of other things to keep busy so you don't get too obsessive. I'm not assuming that you are obsessive, it's just common thing when you have a crush. If you have a lot of extra-curricular activities to keep busy, the time will pass by quickly and you might meet lots of other available women too.



LordoftheMonkeys
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07 May 2011, 7:46 pm

curlyfry wrote:
Don' t worry about it so much. You had two specific things you wanted and you got them. Be proud of yourself and don't apologize. Your young and allowed to be awkward.


Yeah, I know. I'm probably blowing this out of proportion and thinking it's worse than it actually is. But I'm just really embarrassed by this and I don't know if I will have the audacity to face her again. I don't want to force myself on this girl, or anyone for that matter.


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