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MrLoony
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07 May 2011, 11:12 pm

Has anyone considered the possibility that she got a new phone? You know, like she said?

Don't wait to friend her on Facebook. You said you wanted to do it, so do it. Not doing it makes you look like an ass or someone that's playing a game.


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hale_bopp
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08 May 2011, 12:37 am

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:
Maybe I should just forget about this girl for now. I've pretty much fu¢ked everything up and anything further I do will just make me look like I'm eager to get in her pants. I may have creeped her out so much that she won't accept my friend request at this point.


Good idea to just forget her for now. Be a face book friend and leave it at that. I don't think what you did was creepy, just a little to enthusiastic too soon. There's no point in worrying about it further.



DrizzleMan
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08 May 2011, 1:52 am

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:
Maybe I should just forget about this girl for now. I've pretty much fu¢ked everything up and anything further I do will just make me look like I'm eager to get in her pants. I may have creeped her out so much that she won't accept my friend request at this point.

It's only creepy if you don't respect her boundaries. She's said she will friend you on facebook - take her up on that. She's said she'll give you her number, so she should do that too - if she forgets you can ask again in a week.

If she didn't want to give you those contact details, she wouldn't offer to.

As for being eager to get into her pants - get into her head instead. Find out what she's like as a person - do you have things in common you can talk about? If so, great.

If you don't have anything to talk about, there's not much potential for a relationship here anyway and you should look elsewhere.


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LordoftheMonkeys
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08 May 2011, 9:03 am

Well, I've looked at her questions on Facebook and managed to gather information on what we have in common and how compatible we are.

Compatibilities:
We both like rap, especially Eminem.
We both hate Justin Bieber.
We are both in favor of legalizing marijuana.

Incompatibilities:
She values trust in a relationship. I am paranoid (and justly so, given the way people have treated me in the past).
She loves sex, which I am terrified of.

Both of these things I think I can get over though, if I learn to open up to others.


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spongy
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08 May 2011, 4:00 pm

I have a way of asking for a phone number without the girl worrying too much about it but it consists on arranging some sort of meeting outside work hours(say meeting for a coffee for example) and exchanging phone numbers in case either of you cant make it, so unless you are quite confident around her dont do it this way.


The cool thing is you can make the meeting as inventive as you want. I got bored of asking for coffee meetings at the cafeteria(too short, I was expected to pay for both drinks...)so I went as far as asking a girl I barely knew (making sure I was clear that her friends were invited so she didnt think it was too creepy) to do some sort of christmas meal together and I ended up with her 2 phone numbers(apparently she had some sort of odd contracts and during the morning it was cheaper to call from one and during the evening it was cheaper to call with the other one) as well as her friends contact information.

She had a boyfriend but her friends were pretty awesome so we still meet about once/twice a month.


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MrLoony
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08 May 2011, 5:07 pm

OK, seriously, does nobody think that it just might be possible that she got a new phone?

Yes, it's really hard to be patient in a situation like this, but don't start scheming on how you could get her number, how long to wait, etc. Wait until after she's had the opportunity to give it to you before you worry whether or not she actual plans on it.

In essence, you are assuming that she lied to you. Starting a relationship with that assumption is obviously unhealthy.


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Chronos
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09 May 2011, 10:57 pm

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:
I did everything according to plan. She gave me her Facebook account, but when I asked for her number she said she just got a new phone and she would give it to me on Facebook. I don't know if I should take this as a rejection or just me being too aggressive. I also had some gum stuck to the back of my shirt at that time. I'm not sure if she saw it because she didn't point it out or anything, but it might have been a major turnoff. f**k, I keep screwing up.


It doesn't indicate rejection. It just means that she isn't too sure about you yet. It could go one way or the other. I think you should give yourself credit for being able to get up the nerve to talk to her and ask for her number and so on.

I wouldn't worry about the gum. Any girl who would have seen that in a negative light would be pretty shallow, in my opinion.



Chronos
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09 May 2011, 11:01 pm

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:
Well, I've looked at her questions on Facebook and managed to gather information on what we have in common and how compatible we are.

Compatibilities:
We both like rap, especially Eminem.
We both hate Justin Bieber.
We are both in favor of legalizing marijuana.

Incompatibilities:
She values trust in a relationship. I am paranoid (and justly so, given the way people have treated me in the past).
She loves sex, which I am terrified of.

Both of these things I think I can get over though, if I learn to open up to others.


In my experience, those compatibilities you listed really aren't compatibilities, except maybe the last one. They are just things you have in common and are generally irrelevant to a romantic relationship.

The incompatibilities you listed are more relevant. I think being unable to trust your partner in a relationship is generally a self fulfilling prophecy and will doom relationships from the beginning. Since you've identified it as a possible issue, you should work to address it with a therapist.



roadGames
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09 May 2011, 11:30 pm

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:
In a couple hours I'm going to go to the place where I work and talk to this girl who seemed interested in me and I developed a mild crush on. I intend to start a conversation and then get a number. It would go something like this:

Me: Hey, how's it going?

Her: Pretty good.

Me: Hey, I set up a Facebook account. Want to be my friend?

Her: something, I don't know what she'll say to that

Me: Can I get your number?

Her: My number? What for?

Me: Cause I like you and I want to get to know you.

Some more intermediate dialog

Me: Well, I gotta go. My laptop's in the car and I don't want it to overheat.
This will be appropriate whether she accepts or rejects me

I have to make this as quick as possible and do it without stalking her. This means I probably won't be able to catch her on her break unless I'm really lucky. I will need to have an excuse to talk to her without pulling her aside and distracting her from her work, i.e. by going through her line and buying gum or something.

What do you think of this whole plan?


This is really mechanical.

Try to make a connection with her by talking about where you both are from, where you went/go to college, what kind of music you both listen to, her interests, etc. This looks a lot harder than it really is. Most of it involves calming your nerves when you're talking to some girl you find yourself attracted to. Once your nerves are calmed, you're going to be able to rattle on and on. Once you get this part down, it's not going to be your social skills that you'll know is turning off women but rather your looks or your personality.

Don't structure it. Higher order, complex conversational structures emerge out of the interaction of really simple statements and questions.



roadGames
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09 May 2011, 11:35 pm

The best way to get a girl's number is to just give her your phone and tell her to dial it in. You should preface it by suggesting you two grab a coffee or just by telling her you think she seems cool/interesting and that you'd like to hang out sometime.

In this day and age, numbers don't mean anything, though.



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12 May 2011, 12:47 pm

Well it seems like two things though either you can let yourself defeat you, by backing down before the fight has even started.
Or you can take things as they are without looking into them. If you like her then just keep going, be direct but dont be aggressive. If you get a multitude of clear rejections then you can let it go, but other then that its impossible to theorize about meanings of anything that happens unless its really positive of course.

By backing down you only show that you are NOT worth it, on the other hand if you keep going it shows that you are.
Even if nothing happens atleast you had the courage to show that you are worthy, if you back down you have nothing to be proud of when you look back at it.

Seriously dont listen to hale bopp defeatist attitude.