Do you find it hard to get dates?

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When this topic was first posted I thought...."No, I have had many relationships in my 42 years"but then I realized....those were not dates!!!Three years of highschool and only 2 guys ever asked me out on dates.One I stayed with for over a year, though we had nothing but an interest in sex in common.The second was a guy who had heard I was easy and tried to ave sex with me on the first and only date.Everyone else was just"some guys" I made out with at partys after getting drunk...I strongly suspect that I was only told about these partys because the guys knew I was "easy" when drunk.I was very nieve.

In college, all my "relationships" were guys I pursued after getting totally wasted.Some of them ended up being nice people and the relationships lasted a year before I "ran away" but the guys didnt approach me....the few guys who did ,I might make out with if they werent complete idiots but they werent "asking me out".I did go out to see bands after I had gotten sober and nobody ever asked me out ,rarely even approached me.I was told by some people that I was putting out a "dont mess with me vibe"I thought I was smiling?oh, well.

I did go on several real "dates" through a local dating sight(it was free)but only had one relationship through this and that one was pretty horrible(he was a pothead, I was sber...didnt click for long)This was an interesting experience though...Met several guys who seemed interested in me...very weird feeling, but I never thought that I had enough common interests with them....seemed like they didnt care, just wanted to date anyone within the proper age,size and gender..guess my expectations were a little higher because I was looking for a "soul mate" and not just someone to kill time with ...I hate going out to movies,restuarants,parties....seemed to me that some people just want to date so they can do boring things and not be alone?I have no problem killing time with all my interests.

Yes I do because of my shyness. Everytime I get near a guy or a guy gets near me, I get nervous and I don't say much and I probably don't show any emotion towords them or its my body lagnuage because they turn away assuming I don't like them. And I'm always afraid of askinmg a guy out or coming up to someone and talkign to them like men do to women in movies when they like someone.
I'm always afraid of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing. Now I'm trying to break free from the shyness. I haven't even contacted any men but instead I'm expecting them to come to me and here is my chance to break my shyness.

I find the dating game very hard. I am no good at it at all, its so hard. I don't think its any easier for aspie women than it is aspie men in my view. I recently started seeing someone but its taken me two years or so to get someone. And even though he admitted he liked me, it took me a whole month to tell him I liked him back. Part of that was wondering what the hell I would do with him when I got him as well as getting over someone else who had buggered me about. It's a hard life for an aspie lady you know lol

I'm with you there Fiz,

Even when I get excited about a guy, I usually find it a huge relief, when I ask him if he's interested/available/straight - if he says no.

No more butterfly stomachs or all that rush of hormones and feeling completely out of control and somewhat nauseus. I know that settles down once we get started going out regularily - but then new problems crop up. For me mostly time management ones, sometimes financial ones.

The one boyfriend I've had has ADHD and I wouldn't be shocked if he were Aspie too. I met him when I was 19...through a computer game...when we went to the same college! Eep! I learned who he was through the Internet before we did anything in real life, and we knew what the other looked like, so no false expectations. It lasted two years, but it's the most insane way I know of getting a date. That's the only relationship I've pursued, btw.

it is ALOT easier for females, because females can always get dates. Even if theyr not your idea date, you can get a date. Because your the chasee, society puts you on a pedistal. I am not saying women don't have a tough time keeping a relationship, but as far as attraction goes, women will have it a thousand times easier than men. Because your the chasees. For an aspie male to even get a date at all is like climbing a huge mountain.
Now, this is obvious to anyone with half a brain who can think with logic instead of emotion. In the wild the men fought for the woman, and the woman chose the guy who won. Women (as degrading as this may be, it also offers an advantage that many women often use to get ahead), are the "object" of the game. So she gets to hold all the cards. And then they can use their sexuality (or even just false hints of) as a bribing tool and bargaining tools to get what they want. However, a man could never do such a thing. We would get the ____ smacked out of us and be seen as egomaniacs.
Please do not take this post as an assault on women, it's not. I believe in equality for all.... But until women are jumping through the same hoops the guys are, and until men are equally as much the "object" of females, sociologically, as females are to men, the dating system will continue to be one sided, in your favor. And, this is why women can't talk about involuntary celibacy or lack of intimacy, unless you are severely disabled, or one of those people on the talk shows who are too big to get out of your room or whatever (and in that latter case you could only blame yourself).

I've heard plenty of females even agree with me on this, because when you look at it logically (not emotionally), it should be painfully obvious.

I'm 19, and I've always had trouble getting dates.

In high school, and now, to a certain extent, I always shut myself in, and as a result it's very difficult for me to meet people. In high school I was really interested in quite a few of my classmates for the first two years, then I realized how truly immature high school boys could be, so when an older man and I struck up a friendship online via a bulletin board, I didn't exactly object. It was sort of romantic in nature, but when he broke it off he claimed that it was only a friendship (there were other circumstances, though, that I've withdrawn for various reasons). After him, I had a couple of crushes on some older male teachers, and still no dates, even though I cried endlessly about it.

Now I have since come to the conclusion that I am bisexual, and the fact that I attend an all-women's college has nothing to do with it. I was- and still am- interested in this one girl for a very long time, but she was- and is- already spoken for, if you know what I mean. I shut myself in, like high school, so things really aren't different in that respect, but I am interested in dating people off-campus. It does still depress me sometimes, though.

i agree with snake... socializing is what women do best aspie or no aspie.. even the scientists seem to think that there "appear" to be fewer cases of female aspergers because of "differences in socialization"... there are as many actual cases of female aspies as male aspies, but more of them don't notice or care or are treated any differently by men...

i think the problem is sorta like the difference between rich people and poor people... you'd expect rich people to be happier, but they're actually not. rich people are no better or worse off than poor people because they have a different set of problems to worry about... even the richest guy in the world bill gates has problems and worries just as much as the poorest guy on earth

but in the end, no one can argue against the fact that it's better to be rich than poor

Its not really that hard in my experience (I'm male) but maybe I'm lucky.

The hard part is keeping myself sane, telling my partner "I love you" and trying to keep calm and collected when she can't say anything in return, I simply have to KNOW its ok.

I wouldn't say its harder for aspie men or women, obviously some of us aspie men have the ability or looks to pull it off without really trying, and the same for some women.

I've never tried it, I leave it to chance.

If I get to fifty and I feel the hollow of loneliness encroaching I may peruse the classifieds.

It is not hard for you scintillate because you are a NT. Stop trying to pretend to be aspie. I'm sorry, but no aspie male is scoring with chicks like theyr some sort of Johnny Depp.

>>It is not hard for you scintillate because you are a NT. Stop trying to pretend to be aspie.<<

Scintillate is NT? What the hell. Then you should not be replying to these kinds of things because it's a completely different thing to you, especially under the guise of an Aspie.

>>I wouldn't say its harder for aspie men or women, obviously some of us aspie men have the ability or looks to pull it off without really trying, and the same for some women.<<

Us? There is no 'us'.

I never went on a date or anything, but I'm only 15 so I have lots of time yet.

I don't talk at all to anyone outside my circle of close friends, so that's the reason why. It would be nice to have a girlfriend/boyfriend though.

Yeah I'm lesbian, or bisexual, or bi with lesbian tendencies or lesbian with bi tendencies or whatever. That's part of the trouble too: I don't know a single lesbian my age (or any age, for that matter; at least not in my area).

I had enormous difficulties in that department-I never even came close and usually just ended up making a complete donkey out of myself. I did ask someone out over the phone once in high school, but he said no, which I was later quite glad of as we were probably about as compatable as peanut butter and saurkraut. I was quite angry and confused for awhile though when I heard that someone later asked him out and he exlaimed happily that no one had ever asked him out before. I don't consider myself very attractive, so that didn't help (although looking back I'm downright thankful for it-it really weeded out the shallow guys), and I have such bad social skills I can't carry on a conversation with most people for more than five minutes, so I probably looked pretty dull too. And the thought of it would drive me so crazy with nervousness I'd have trouble eating and sleeping (I remember hoping and praying that if I ever did go on a date with someone, he didn't want to go out to dinner, because I probably would've thrown up all over him ) I'd pretty much given up, and then something totally unexpected happened-I met a great guy here on WP, and we started sending messages back and forth. It was probably the best way for me to meet someone because we could just take our time and talk to each other without the awkwardness that can come with being together in person without knowing each other too well. By the time we did meet face to face, we were the best of friends and there was very little awkwardness although we were still a bit shy. I think it's different for everyone, but with as many difficulties and quirks as I have, I think I could have only related to another aspie. We're completely on the same wavelength, little explanation is needed for our actions and needs and difficulties, and the crazy thing is, we communicate better with each other than with anyone else! And actually, I think he's the only one I could ever have a successful relationship with (we were married last February ), so I was incredibly lucky. So never give up

I did before I started hanging out with other geeks. Now I'm practically married. (No formal plans yet.) I suggest trying for a geek guy. They're great! I love mine to death. In fact I'm about to go crawl back into bed with him, my allergies are keeping me up...

I met him at 22 and he was 37. It doesn't matter so much with us. We feel close in age in that we feel multiple ages at different times. He's spectrum and was quite picky about girls. He was looking for brains. So was I for that matter.