My Mind Is Blown - Hello

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I found this site a few hours ago after coming across the term Aspergers randomly on the internet. I decided to look it up, and saw a lot of myself in the descriptions I found. Mainly Wikipedia. From there I found this place and have been lurking since.

I found an "Aspie Test" and took it. I have a score of 156 for having Aspie traits. I can relate to so much that is said on this forum. It's like, "wow, these people understand what I go through on a daily basis since I could remember."

All my life I just felt I had A LOT of general problems, and wished there was something that could explain it all. I didn't expect to possibly find out what it is just so randomly and out of the blue. It all makes sense now. Even the tiny little things or quirks.

However, I have this feeling now, that "I'm screwed." Even though it's kind of liberating in a sense that now I think I have a good idea of what my issue is, and there are a lot of people out there in the same boat. I just don't like the idea of having a verifiable, permeating disorder. It bothers and concerns me!

I'm in my 30's now and wished I came across this information or maybe diagnosed when I was younger, maybe I would have figured out how to cope better. That's a positive though. I can at least know more about it, and how to cope better.

Anyways, my mind has been blown. Hello, peoples! hahaha

Hi and welcome aboard the mother ship!

Welcome to WrongPlanet

All I'll say there is not to take those online tests too seriously, but they may prove to be a decent guide for you.
You say you feel you're screwed now, did you feel like this before you came across AS?
In any case, there is always a lot of support on this website. Hope you enjoy your time here

I say I feel screwed, because now I`m fairly positive I have something "real" I have to deal with, and it's daunting.

I have spent most of my life trying to avoid things that I just had so much trouble contending with. Things like school, work, relationships. Just anything to do with people. I basically fashioned an under achieving but somewhat tolerable life for myself. A bubble where I didn't have to face these issues so much, and could block them out of my mind for the most part.

I have seen counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists in the past. None of the meds really seemed to help, and none of the diagnoses seem to really jive with what was happening with me more on an everyday and global basis.

Aspergers is the only thing that actually has really made sense to me, and describes what I have been and continue to go through everyday. What people talk about here is all the stuff I've been keeping inside and trying to ignore while trying to go about my life as aloof and unattached as possible to avoid getting hurt and repeating the same situations I always seem to find myself in when it concerns people.

A lot of my characteristics I thought were just my quirks. I never really thought about them and never talked about them to anyone, let alone professionals, but they all seem to fall in line with Aspergers. Everything from the routines, eye contact, monotone voice, lack of empathy, trouble reading social situations, responding with scripts learned from trial & error, having a narrow special interest that I`m obsessed about, lack of real friendships, the meltdowns, only being able to contend with socializing in short bouts, but not knowing when to leave or shut up if the topic is something I'm really into, the verbal awkwardness, either speaking too loud or too soft and having family always on my case about it, etc. etc. I could go on and on.

Reading this forum is like reading my own personal diary if I cared to keep one. It's kind of eerie how the people here know what it's like to be me. I have never seen such accurate descriptions that resemble my life since childhood.

I've rarely been so certain of something in regards to my life as I am now. Especially, after watching a bunch of youtube vids done by people with Aspies, and talking with my GF about it before she went to bed. She's a social worker who has worked with kids with Aspies here and there, which I just found out about tonight after asking her specifically about it. She is the only person I really have regular contact with, and she thinks there is a strong possibility I may have it as well just from what she has observed.

Having the knowledge of a name and a newly acquired "family" who has seen it all and done it all can't be discounted. I'm in the same boat being in my 30's and learning about all of this too.

Welcome!

Thanks for the welcome.

Howdy Jasper1,

Sounds like you landed here a bit the way I did: searched your way in, read through some of the stories and posts and then said, "Wait, I *know* that fella!" and stuck around

Don't let the "label" daunt you; you know a bit more than the you from a few days ago did, but you're still you.

Hiya Jasper1!

I pretty much "stumbled" onto the aspie label too.

I think figuring out you're an aspie is similar to other life-altering events like losing your religious beliefs or breaking up with a partner etc. You feel shock, denial, depression, anger, lost and maybe eventually peace and acceptance.
Like AngelKnight aptly said, you're still you. That will never change. You've always had to deal with "it", you just never had a label for it. And maybe the more you know about it, you can find better coping mechanisms or you might realize that the ones you already have are pretty good as they are... who knows...

You're not alone though and I think forums like this are a great way to hear about other people's experiences and learn from them

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

To WrongPlanet!! !