Do u often delude yrself u r more NT than u r ?

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I think this question is more directed for those diagnosed with AS in later life, or for those with AS whose autism was neither affirmed nor respected in their most formative years.

I am curious, as after spending a life-time acting normal, I often believe I am more socially able (rarely comfortable) than I actually am.

This belongs in the General Autism forum.

I R LIEEEEK GOD, UR TRUUD R GUD.

Although I have always been aware that I'm not "normal", I always find myself believing that I am higher-functioning than I actually am.

I have developed a facade as a reflex - a lot of learned habits, playback routines for casual interactions. I had always wondered why I feel like such a mimic in some areas. I know I am strange to others, something of my presence itself. I have been informed in roundabout ways (and through the grapevine) that there is a silent intensity in my eyes and demeanor that make people afraid of me. I am often totally silent (yet usually comfortable) in social groups. I find myself stating things obvious to people, then going into much pedantic detail elsewhere. I always miss the mark concerning the correct amount/type of information appropriate to the circumstance. I as well find myself believing I am higher functioning than I am - because I can usually work things out cognitively, and seem "intelligent" in one area - but I have an almost childlike naivety in more social areas, as well as sensory difficulties. Just this morning, before I had any coffee, I was grocery shopping and I could not make out what was being said to me by the checkout employee over the noise in the background. There is always something like that cropping up on a regular basis that reminds me to keep myself in check everywhere else.

People have never hesitated to tell me I was weird, but learning about my AS made me realize just how completely bizarre I have always seemed to the NTs around me. I thought I had a few quirks and eccentricities, but it was kind of a shock to realize just what huge red flags my entire personality is comprised of. I've also learned since the diagnosis how much others have always been muttering to each other and talking about me when my back was turned. I was oblivious for years, because I thought I was 'only a little' different, but they have always seen me as a freak.

Yes, I think I probably do.
I have been told I am high-functioning, and I am aware of so many social mistakes I have made in the past that it makes me feel I have now learned a lot about the NT "way".
I have not bothered trying to socialise for a few years now, but there's a part of me constantly saying to myself "how difficult can it be?"

I don't think so. I've had problems being normal ever sense I was a baby. I didn't even pretend to be normal in elementary school. BTW i never heard about possible having autism/AS till after I graduated high-school

Yeah that happens always to me. I can't accept that I'm an aspie. I always try to be normal.

After half my life of not so much pretending to be normal, but believing I was it is hard for me to just accept my formal Dx.

In fact I have accepted that I will most likely never really be able to fully integrate and accept my AS.

Spending most of my life convinced I was 'wired like most people' but merely wonderfully odd and eccentric is difficult.

The greatest difficulty I have is over stretching myself and taking on too many responsibilities. I have big big difficulties with prioritising and emotional regulation, sensory issues, and information processing, yet I still carry on like I am superman.

Moved - "This belongs in the General Autism forum."

I tend to be aware of my problems. Some days I can perceive an illusion that my neurological differences have left me. Usually a day where they plague me comes along to restore some balance.

I deluded myself that I was NT for at least the last year and many of the years before that. It is going to be a very slow process coming to accept that I'm not NT.

I deluded myself for 40 years, but my wife says there is no value in declaring myself as AS to the world,

I have developed a deeply layered mask of 'normalcy' over my core consciousness. It is functional. But I am not able to navigate this highly socialized world with any fluidity or grace. I even manage to irritate other aspies on this site.

I probably do tend to think of myself as being more well-equipped to handle many social situations that I actually am, yes...

Every day I go out into the public I pretend to be NT. Sometimes I think I can pass off as NT, but I know I can't do it as long as I imagine I can.