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Dessie
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19 May 2011, 4:03 pm

SammichEater wrote:
Personally, if I were you, I would act like it isn't a big deal. If you start to get all dramatic (telling her something is "wrong") and such your mom will take it more seriously. I don't know, maybe you want her to take it seriously, but if you act like it's a bad thing, that's what she is going to think of it. My mom would know enough that if I bring up a topic, that's because it means a lot to me. Just enthusiastically tell her you read about something called AS on the internet, and you think you might have it, but you're not sure. IMO that's the best way to go about it. Hell, tell her about WP and ask her what she thinks of it.



I don't want her to think it's a bad thing. It's new to me but I don't really think it's bad. I just kind of want her to know that it is and be believed...

And showing her this site actually sounds like a good idea too...somehow that didn't even cross my mind before.

I'm still waiting for a good moment to even tell her. I don't want to do it when everyone else is around and have to deal with the reactions of three people at once.

Going on past "serious conversations" I've got a feeling that is is either going to go one way or another: One she won't believe me at all and she give me that "you're overreacting" speech :roll: or two she'll believe me and get all upset and start crying. 8O

Yeah, on second thought, making it sound like something is wrong probably a really really bad idea.



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19 May 2011, 7:40 pm

Dessie wrote:
I don't want her to think it's a bad thing. It's new to me but I don't really think it's bad. I just kind of want her to know that it is and be believed...

And showing her this site actually sounds like a good idea too...somehow that didn't even cross my mind before.

I'm still waiting for a good moment to even tell her. I don't want to do it when everyone else is around and have to deal with the reactions of three people at once.

Going on past "serious conversations" I've got a feeling that is is either going to go one way or another: One she won't believe me at all and she give me that "you're overreacting" speech :roll: or two she'll believe me and get all upset and start crying. 8O

Yeah, on second thought, making it sound like something is wrong probably a really really bad idea.


Believe me, I understand that all too well. I would never bring up the topic of AS with my sister around, especially in a serious way. But yea, serious conversations never turn out good. It's usually best to see what she thinks first before you take it too seriously.

Another suggestion would be to wait until you're comfortable with the thought yourself. It took me 3 days to realize that I probably am an aspie, and over 3 weeks before I became comfortable with the thought of it. If you're still kinda shocked about it, it's probably best to wait until you aren't.


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21 May 2011, 2:27 pm

Dessie, from before where your Mom is trying to be encouraging by saying you're a late bloomer, it sounds like she might be against labels. And that's a good thing. I'm against labels, too.

So maybe you can be sure to include the part where Asperger's / Autism is a spectrum, that's it's a constellation of traits, characteristics, and so forth, and as people sometimes say, 'You're met one person on the spectrum, you've met one person on the spectrum.' We are all very much individuals.

For me, I have patchy social skills, above average in some areas, below average in others. I'm intense. I can laser-beam in and focus on something, but then I miss some of the feel and texture of the broader, overall social situation (and it's like anything, it's hard to be aware of what you're not aware of! :? ) So, learning about Asperger's / Autism Spectrum has helped me understand myself better, has given me a conceptual framework, and given me a number of positive examples.

Probably a process and a series of conversations with your Mom. She probably will need some time to wrap her mind around the whole thing and she'll probably do some reading on her own. The two of you don't need to agree on everything, as long as you're in the same ballpark so to speak.

Short and sweet might be best for the first one, although it will probably end up being medium length and that's okay. Good luck with everything. :D And when it feels right, as it feels right.



Dessie
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22 May 2011, 2:13 pm

SammichEater wrote:
Another suggestion would be to wait until you're comfortable with the thought yourself. It took me 3 days to realize that I probably am an aspie, and over 3 weeks before I became comfortable with the thought of it. If you're still kinda shocked about it, it's probably best to wait until you aren't.


Yep. I've decided to give myself more time to to research and figure things out. It seems like the more I read and learn the more things I notice about myself that I either never noticed before, just thought were a part of my personality, or thought everyone experienced (I'm sure that's not at all confusing :D sorry!).

I'm wondering how much more time I'm gonna need to get used to this though...I think I'm going on like 4 or 5 weeks here. I've just decided that I'm going to try to "chill out" and wait. I don't think that'll hurt anyone.



Dessie
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23 May 2011, 8:20 pm

Okay, so I told my mom today. I didn't plan it. It just kind of happened and it was just the right moment I guess. Everything went better than I expected it to. She is listening to me. She believes me and wants to do some research of her own. I'm going to give her some of the sources I've used for information. I also learned a few things about myself that were extremely surprising.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Dessie, from before where your Mom is trying to be encouraging by saying you're a late bloomer, it sounds like she might be against labels. And that's a good thing. I'm against labels, too.


As it turns out, you were really really right here! When I was younger my mom and other family members recognized some of my behaviors as odd. My mom told me that when I got upset I'd just sit down in the floor and rock back and forth (and that brought about my confession that I still do that when I'm alone)! By the time I started kindergarten I could already read well and write some. A lot of my family members noticed this and even my teachers noticed, so my mom was scared to take me to a doctor because she was "afraid of how people would label me!" She admits though that she never thought of any of Autism as the reason why because I could read so well!!

She's still worried now so she wants me to put off seeing any doctors as long as possible and I have no problem with that. She's actually worried that they would try to put me on a bunch of medications I don't need and such (I told her that isn't happening, I don't need any kind of medicine and I'm not taking any). She was seriously shocked to hear all of this though. I think we pretty much agree here. She had a lot of questions like "are you okay?" and "is this really bothering you?" She can't believe that I could've figured this out about myself alone and that I kept it a secret for so long. I talked her ears off for about two hours and it was like I let out a breath I'd been holding in for almost a month. It's kind of awesome that she believes me! I feel a lot better now that she knows!

I'm really really grateful to everyone that gave me any advice or tips! Thank you everyone! :D



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24 May 2011, 1:24 pm

Dessie wrote:
. . . She admits though that she never thought of any of Autism as the reason why because I could read so well!! . .

Good, for you, Dessie, and I'm glad things went so well! :D

Yes, the part with reading, that's the other side of autism. In jobs obviously, like two sides of a coin, can play positively or negatively, all depending on the situation, and a lot depends on whether a given workplace can accept someone's contributions as worthwhile even if the person is a little 'different.' And also with relationships, less obviously. In fact, toward the beginning of my next new relationship, I have planned and am rather looking forward to asking my potential significant other, 'Are you hip to a person being aspie?' Short and sweet, kind of piques someone's interest, and might get some good ping-ponging conversation going. And I'm kind of thinking by the third date, but am not going to be dogmatic about it.

Yes, there are advantages to being a person on the Asperger's / Autism Spectrum. And I am gaining skills and track record in accepting myself, all the time! :)



Dessie
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24 May 2011, 1:51 pm

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Dessie wrote:
. . . She admits though that she never thought of any of Autism as the reason why because I could read so well!! . .

Good, for you, Dessie, and I'm glad things went so well! :D


So am I ! !! ! :sunny:

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
In fact, toward the beginning of my next new relationship, I have planned and am rather looking forward to asking my potential significant other, 'Are you hip to a person being aspie?' Short and sweet, kind of piques someone's interest, and might get some good ping-ponging conversation going. And I'm kind of thinking by the third date, but am not going to be dogmatic about it.


That seems like a good idea. I hope everything goes well for you!

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Yes, there are advantages to being a person on the Asperger's / Autism Spectrum. And I am gaining skills and track record in accepting myself, all the time! :)


I think I'm starting to see some of those advantages and how they can help me out later. I'm working on the accepting myself part now too.