Guys, you need to stop blaming your aspergers

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Honestly guys. I have read several comments and talked to several people. I noticed a pattern. Often people with AS think they do certain things, such as do poorly on tests, do poorly in jobs or at school, or have other issues, because of their AS. I can tell you, only when you stop using the AS as a crutch can you truely improve and get better.

I have noticed this myself. I have in the past blamed my AS for, say, doing poorly on tests. I then say that I need extra time. I get the extra time and still do poorly. Why? If I need the extra time, I am typically not prepared for the test anyway, and thus will do badly no matter what.

I have had some jobs that didn't go well, I assumed because of the AS. I thought that the AS caused me to act certain ways or do certain things. While the AS does cause me to have certain characteristics (such as being more black and white), it does not cause jobs to go badly or well. Only when I realized this, that I am in control of how I do on the job, and the AS is more or less not much of a factor, was I able to do well.

I will just say that the AS doesn't cause the trouble in the lives of many of you. It is your belief that the AS causes it, combined with the fact that you can use this as an excuse for these problems, which causes the trouble. You might be able to get by in school by having extra time for tests or having someone else take notes for you. The school may think that you AS causes you do not do well in these tasks. But in the real world, there will be none of this. You will either sink or swim. Your boss wont give you extra time to complete things, and wont spend extra money to hire a "job coach" because you aren't doing well. Only when you realize that it is you, not your AS, that is in control, can you be successful.

You spend way too much time playing word games with your shrink. How do you know that AS does not cause the trouble in our lives? You do not even know who we are.

Sometimes it can be useful, to be able to know why they aren't performing as well as they would like. Plus it can also be useful to a limited degree as a defence mechanism - it's not my fault, it's the AS. But I agree; if this sort of thinking is preventing a person from taking action in their lives it is no longer useful.

That said, all the things you mentioned can very well be difficulties associated with AS. In fact they seem very strange examples to make your point; I thought at first you were referring to all the threads made on the forum where people post about their obscure difficulties in life and attribute it to AS. I'm sure it depends on the person though. I never had any problems in school I didn't handle myself (mostly because I outright rejected all attempts to help me), but if my problems had been more serious (and I was only given a mild AS dx, by the way) then it's quite possible I mightn't have been able to go solo as I did.

Also, don't forget that with all the very real difficulties a person with AS has (ie. bullying, social isolation, etc), this may have a very negative effect on these other aspects of life at which they fail. A person with chronic low-self esteem from constant bullying might not be able to benefit from just a kick-in-the-bum if they're having motivation problems on their exams. In this case, it would be reasonable to expect intervention.

Well part of your theory is flawed what about people like me who are say 36
and just learned of aspergers a few months ago? Can I retroactively use it as
a crutch?

My theory is people do not choose to fail at anything. If we have any free will its
limited(I tend to think we have zero). The same mind set that thinks a person can
work their way out of any hole is the same kinda mind over matter thinking that
thinks a person can use mind power to will away cancer, high blood pressure, AIDS,
etc.

I would say in all cases school (I mean college) test taking (college again) and my
job I did better than average. I had a 4.0 my first year of college. I went 3 years
I guess it over all is 3.5 or so. I worked hard on my job(for my father) and he consider me a good worker. But I would find it hard to maintain a job for non-
family.

To say AS is being used as a crutch is the wrong words. A Christian person would call it "a cross they must be carried". A crutch is a sip of booze that gets you though the day.

All thats pointless what many of us want is friends and/or a girl/boy friend now if
you have helpfull hints on that I'm all ears.

Last edited by TheMachine1 on 11 Aug 2006, 6:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

the AS affects you and what goes on in your life, although it doesn't cause the things to actually happen. AS is not "disease" that you can hold in your hand, like cancer or some baterial infection. It doesn't "cause" you to, say, do poorly on a test, like having a cold would cause you to sneeze. Nor does it "cause" you do to poorly in school or at a job, like a broken bone would cause you to feel pain. It does create a situation in which some environments (such as jobs) are better fits than others. But this is the case with anyone. Everyone has certain areas they don't do as well in, and other areas they do very well in. AS is more of a type of personality than it is a disease or disorder.

As for who "we are" I don't know what you are referring to. I know that the unemployment rate is very high for AS people. This isn't because AS "causes" them to do poorly, but because they either gravitate towards areas that are poor fits (such as customer service) or gravitate towards industries that are very difficult to be successful in for anyone (like computers). The unemployment rate is high because people blame their AS for their problems, rather than fixing their problems. It is easy to blame your poor test grades on your AS and say it isn't your fault, rather than actually taking steps to do better on the test.

This is very true. Although bullying tends to stop after you finish high school. It is the poor decisions people with AS make, that causes their problems to continue (such as low self esteem). The refusal of many to go into an area outside their narrow AS interest is one of the most common causes of trouble I have seen.

A large part of the problem is not blaming your issues on the AS per se, it is rather using it as an excuse, assuming that you therefore cannot fix the problem, and letting it continue, which is the ultimate problem.

I suspect the nature of interviews could have something to do with that. They're often a test of how well you can sell yourself, rather than whether or not you can do the job.

Well what your saying is political correct with most aspie here I'm sure. But most
doctors would use terms like disease to describe AS. I'm not here to tell people
what they want to hear.

What your saying is of no value to anyone other than yourself. Is someone out there
going to magically change the path of their lives after reading your statments here?

It's important not to use it as an excuse for failing.
It should be used as a tool for succeeding.
I think people with AS has an advantage, because if you know yourself and you know your enemy, then you will surely succeed.
The normal people only know themselves, and don't know you, so they have a disadvantage.
You should learn all about yourself and the behaviour of normal people and use this advantage to controll the situation.

I also agree that AS is not a disease. It is a type of personality. Doctors don't call it a disease either, for that matter. That is why it's called Asperger's syndrome - it is nothing more than a collection of features put into medical terminology, so rather than talking about personal characteristics, it is conceptualised as signs and symptoms - similar to a disease, but without a single discernible cause.

Another thing that separates it from being a disease is that it most likely nothing more than a normal variant of human personality. That is why many people say it is incorrect to say there is an autistic epidemic - you can't have an epidemic of a certain personality type. If that were so then we've been having an epidemic of extroverts for a long time; it's just that nobody's noticed (or cared).

Sociopaths are a personality type also not a disease. We are arguing semantics.
We are about 1% the population and we have a concentration of social problems
call it a "bad day at the park", "personality type" , "disease" or anything you want
it does not change the reality.

I am saying what is true. The AS only causes your personality to go in a direction. It doesn't cause you to do poorly in school or at work. In the end, your success or failure in life is because of you, not your AS. You can say you do poorly here or there because of your AS, but in the real world, you don't get extra points for having AS. You will be treated by the real world like anyone else, AS or not. School will treat you differently because of your AS. After you finish school, no one cares what your diagnosis is.

Aspergers is like contracts from contract law. Contracts are nothing more than thin air. They only exist because the authorities say they exist (unlike, say, a building, which has a physical structure). Aspergers is not caused by an infection or a mass or anything of any physical nature. It is just how the mind for some people works. Therefore its affects are different from, say, a cold or cancer. Colds and cancer are physical, and directly cause things to happen. Aspergers is not like that, therefore you cannot say that it causes you to fail here or there.

There is no "we." Aspergers people are not part of a social class or "culture." Aspergers does not make us different in that way, anymore than people who are extroverted or people who have brown hair are part of any societal class.

There is a significance in saying AS is not a disease. A disease can directly cause things to happen (such as feeling pain or coughing). AS is not a disease and it therefore does not cause anything to directly happen (such as you to do poorly on tests). To say that it is the reason did poorly on a test or in a job is to use the AS as an excuse and a crutch. That leads to excusing whatever you did wrong, and thus not fixing it. Therefore, whatever went wrong before, will happen again.

Again I did fine at college and work. I have social skills impairments. I can not pull
social skills out of the air. The primary problem of AS is social skills problems
(not failing at a job or school). Now tell me how we are going to get these social
skills? You answer that and your going to help alot of people. You telling people
they have a choice when there is likely no free will is pointless.