Capable of throwing a party?

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I've had bad luck with parties. I've always been wary of them. I fear of course that no one will come and I'll discover how unlikeable I am, and so my senior year in high school for example, my mom made invites for me to hand out and I only invited six or eight people who I knew were sure bets, and the rest stayed in my locker. A self defeating exercise yes, but even today, I am not sure it was such a wrong thing, because I'm not sure what I would've done if all those people I did invite didn't come.

In grad school where I studied film, I made a stronger effort, and the first year of class, almost every weekend I sent out an email to all my classmates in the program for a film screening at my place. I'd have chips and drinks and rig up a projector and show on my wall a double feature.

And you know what? Two people came to all of them. The rest of the time I was alone. And this was a media studies program.

Now that I'm out of school and on my own, I've thought about this, and I don't think I could ever throw another party. I don't know what to have on hand, since I don't drink alcohol, but everyone else expects it. I don't know if I could be a good enough host to everyone, and worst of all, I'm afraid that no one will show up, or only a couple will and they'll be mortified and see how pathetic I am because I threw a party and only three people showed up. And so I'll never have a party or invite anyone over, and risk having them discover I'm a loser.

I have only thrown a few parties, most were awful. Very uncomfortable. One was great, but that was because one person i invited invited everyone he knew, and they were all party people. At all the rest a few people just sat around and made small talk and asked what was in the dip.

The only parties I've ever had were birthday parties years ago, and I never invited more than several people, since I didn't have many friends and have never been a partier. As for your concerns about people not liking you, I'd rather find out ASAP if someone actually cared about me, so I'm not left wondering, and so I can avoid the people that don't like me as a friend.

In my experience, knowing how to throw parties and knowing what to do at them feels like NT intuition, thus I have never liked them and don't know what to do at them. And I'd have no idea how to throw one myself.

I have a party when it's my birthday or if I'm organising a lan party. When I do have a party I don't invite alot of people but I make sure there is alot of food, drinks and entertainment. In my group of geeky friends I'm the only girl and most of the time I organise the lan party, they turn out wonderfully 8 - 15 people usually turn up and we play games for two days I suck at the normal kinds of parties though, just too awkward!