How do I get out more?
23 May 2011, 7:48 pm
I am male and 17 with ASD and I have never been out side at all. None invites me anywhere and that I am always by my self everywhere I go. On the weekends I am very bored and I would mostly be in my room the whole time and be extremely lonely. I never get any calls or any text from people and I just seem to be by my self the whole time and not getting out very much. I never do anything exciting but walk the dog or go do chores. I am mostly by my self and I have never been invited anywhere for any activity and it is really unhealthy for me. I don't have anyone to socialize or anyone to talk to and I live to far away from anyone that I know and that I am mostly bored. At school and at lunch I would go upstairs and eat there by my self and I would bring some sorce of intertainment with me there and that I would play or read there and when I am at home I would just go home or go to youtube the whole time and feel really bored. When it is the weekend I feel like people seem to forget about me that I am even there and that I am just in my own little universe. I also don't do much to and I am mostly just sitting at home watching tv or just playing videogames or stuff to keep me occupied. Is this just me that is like that? I am sorry for how bad this question starts out but I am not sure on how to write it. Also I am sorry for bad spelling and grammar mistakes.
Mindslave
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Age: 35
Gender: Male
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Location: Where the wild things wish they were
23 May 2011, 7:59 pm
Well, if you join a tennis league or a gym, then people will notice you out of necessity. It's hard to ignore the person on the other side of the net that is trying to beat you at your own game. Basically what I'm getting at is that if you put yourself in situations where socialization is pick and choose, nobody will choose you. People are impressed that I got the cell phone numbers of three strippers, but since they had to talk to me, they realized I wasn't half bad, and I got their numbers (because I'm just sooooo charming) If you go to a frat party, where socialization is about popularity and superficiality, being a real human being with concrete desires and goals isn't going to impress anyone. Get what I'm saying? Most of the time, meeting people isn't by chance. If you are stuck in a room with someone for 5 days, chances are the two of you are going to talk. I suppose what I'm getting at is that anyone can be friends, it's just a matter of circumstance and situations over actual courtship and socialization skills.
23 May 2011, 9:09 pm
I would recommend that you join a club you're interested in. If there aren't any clubs in your high school you like, well, you'll probably find one in college. While frat parties seem to be for the highly sociable, most clubs based in nerdy/geeky activities are pretty open to those who are not so socially adept.
Just make sure not to put yourself into a situation in which you are uncomfortable.
Ilka
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Location: Panama City, Republic of Panama
24 May 2011, 5:42 am
Silver's recommendation is very good. You said you like reading and video games. It's easy to find reading clubs at school or at the library or even at bookstores. And as long as you participate you will blend in just fine. There are also clubs for people who love videogames. Just do a little research. I had a trick I used: I always looked around and found the loneliest person in the room. I approached that person and tried to make friends with her/him. Shy people is very easy to make friends with. It worked everytime. But you have to force yourself to socialize. Friends will not come knock at you door. You will have to go out find them.
24 May 2011, 6:43 pm
This often works with me. And it's all about breaking the cycle of isolation...you DO have to force yourself, because friends will not just come to you. Although it can be tough to stray from your usual routines, the payoff in the end in knowing that you talked to someone is worth it.
_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.
This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term psychiatrists - that I am a highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder
My diagnoses - anxiety disorder, depression and traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (all in remission).
I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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25 May 2011, 3:44 pm
I view this as practicing host behavior. And it needn't only be a lonely person. Just briefly and matter-of-factly meet people as if you are one of the organizers. 'Hi, how's it going? Is this your first time here?'
'Me, too.' Or, 'Tell me a little bit about the group.'
And from that point just allow the conversation to ping-pong back and forth in 'inherently imperfect' mode. And pauses are okay, too.
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
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25 May 2011, 3:51 pm
Only 1 out of 9 groups really works out (my theory). I wish it was different, but I'd rather tell you this upfront. Whether a kayaking club, hiking club, board gaming club, Democratic student group, Republican student group, etc, etc. For a variety of possible reasons:
it doesn't meet often enough to get some traction going,
or the people there are already 'peopled out' with school, existing friends, family, etc, and are not really looking to meet
or the people there are cliqueish (sad, but does happen)
or the leaders are too busy and half resent taking on the responsibilities and just want to discharge them with the minimum amount of work (and someone volunteering to help out in their mind increases complications and thus 'work'),
or for any number of other reasons
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And it just mean light-touch a variety of groups.
