What's the point of living if you can't get a decent job?

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SadAspy
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25 May 2011, 10:16 am

I'm drawing a blank. Sure, it's okay for a woman not to get a decent job...she can be a housewife, but men are supposed to be the providers. I'm almost 28 and I'm still dependent on my parents, despite having two degrees.

I just don't see what the point in going on is.

And please don't overreact and say I'm threatening suicide...I'm not....I just want an honest answer to my question.



mv
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25 May 2011, 10:38 am

SadAspy wrote:
I'm drawing a blank. Sure, it's okay for a woman not to get a decent job...she can be a housewife, but men are supposed to be the providers. I'm almost 28 and I'm still dependent on my parents, despite having two degrees.

I just don't see what the point in going on is.

And please don't overreact and say I'm threatening suicide...I'm not....I just want an honest answer to my question.


While I sympathize with your apparent difficulty, what on earth makes you think every woman can just score that type of job?



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25 May 2011, 10:41 am

Life is more than jobs and money. Think of things you can do without either. Expand your horizons.


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rabidmonkey4262
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25 May 2011, 11:13 am

Some people live to work, other work to live. You seem like you're letting work define the rest of your life.


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Bloodheart
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25 May 2011, 11:44 am

SadAspy wrote:
I'm drawing a blank. Sure, it's okay for a woman not to get a decent job...she can be a housewife, but men are supposed to be the providers.


Okay, so yes men are still expected to be providers - this whole idea is a MAJOR contributing factor to homelessness and suicide in men - however I'm still going to take objection to the idea that it's okay for a woman not to get a decent job (although, housewife IS a job). Not every woman can get herself a nice rich husband so they have to provide for themselves, even if a woman can get a nice rich husband to take care of her this may mean for the rest of her life she is indebted to him with no freedom of their own. Women have aspirations too.

As for general point in living without a decent job...I wonder that myself.
Unemployment for me means no house (no mortgage or privately rented home), no marriage, no travel and no kids. If I get a job it will be minimum wage as I was unable to afford a university education - what's worse is that even if I can have children they too will be likely to face the same sort of situation that I face now. At least I still have a life, things to enjoy...but I do wonder what the point is sometimes.

What I will say though is this - you are PRIVILEGED - regardless of other things in your life you still have an education which many of us aren't lucky enough to have, you also have parents who are able to support you and a roof over your head which again is more than many have. You at least have a chance of getting a decent job if you're capable, or even if you don't get a decent job you can still get a job good enough to pay the bills - many men work and provide for their families by working minimal wage jobs as cleaners, in McDonals, call centres, etc. - real men will take any job to provide for their families if needed.


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pandabear
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25 May 2011, 12:14 pm

You should apply for SSI at least.



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25 May 2011, 12:52 pm

I already feel alot like that as a female. I wish society wasn't stupid to. What is honestly wrong with a loveing stay at home father? Lousy gender rules.



SadAspy
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25 May 2011, 1:33 pm

To those saying there's other stuff to life, okay fine, but people tend to avoid you like the plague when you're unemployed or underemployed so socializing really isn't an option.

To those saying women don't have it easy, okay maybe what I said was a generalization. I just think that if a women is at least remotely attractive, she can get a guy to provide for her. Maybe that's not completely true, but it's been true in my experience. It's much more socially acceptable for a woman to be unemployed/underemployed and/or live at home.

To the person saying I should apply for SSI, I've applied for SSDI (I have enough work credits) but haven't heard back.

To the person saying I am privileged, you're right-I am, but I'll tell you why that's not necessarily a good thing. If I hadn't been so spoiled by parents and grandparents, maybe I would've learned to make it on my own in this world. Don't assume the grass is greener on the other side.



Bloodheart
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25 May 2011, 2:03 pm

SadAspy wrote:
To those saying there's other stuff to life, okay fine, but people tend to avoid you like the plague when you're unemployed or underemployed so socializing really isn't an option.

When unemployed socialising isn't easy, but it is possible. Underemployed are perfectly capable of socialising, they don't go home at night to sit in a dark corner, a social life and socialising are still very much options.

SadAspy wrote:
To those saying women don't have it easy, okay maybe what I said was a generalization. I just think that if a women is at least remotely attractive, she can get a guy to provide for her. Maybe that's not completely true, but it's been true in my experience. It's much more socially acceptable for a woman to be unemployed/underemployed and/or live at home.

It's not generalising, it's known as sexism. Women's value is not determined by how they look or by their husband, it's still just as important for women to achieve something on their own and have their own money and freedom as it is for men - even if a woman does somehow bag herself a rich husband. It's no more socially acceptable for a woman to be unemployed/underemployed than for a man.

Seriously dude, it's 2011 not 1950!

SadAspy wrote:
To the person saying I am privileged, you're right-I am, but I'll tell you why that's not necessarily a good thing. If I hadn't been so spoiled by parents and grandparents, maybe I would've learned to make it on my own in this world. Don't assume the grass is greener on the other side.

Nothing stopping you from learning now - being spoiled isn't an excuse, and not an argument for how bad your life is.

Sorry but in this post you're implied that working-class/unemployed/underemployed are worth less than anyone else in society and have no social lives, that women are only worth as much as the value their husbands put on them, and that your being privileged with education, home and a family who care for you somehow makes you worse off that those of us with nothing.


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Last edited by Bloodheart on 25 May 2011, 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

tomboy4good
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25 May 2011, 2:30 pm

While I understand where you are coming from, women can be in the very same predicament. Myself included. People have expectations about what I can do, & expect me to live up to them. I don't, & it makes other people very unhappy with my performances. I have been through so much in life...every single age along the way has had more than its fair share of difficulties. Nothing has ever been easy for me, though there are many out there who look at me & think I've had a wonderful life (without actually discovering the truth). Maybe if I'd have been prettier, smarter, grew up in a better home with lots of love & encouragement, gotten a decent education, had plenty of my own money, etc, things would have turned out better. But they haven't. I honestly don't think it matters much whether one is male or female, if you are not what people expect you to be, they look down on you-period.

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blauSamstag
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25 May 2011, 3:39 pm

You need to revisit your priorities. I love being unemployed.

Except it means that i have no money and more limited social interaction.

I don't need to be productive to feel fulfilled, but i do need money.



SadAspy
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25 May 2011, 4:50 pm

Bloodheart wrote:
Sorry but in this post you're implied that working-class/unemployed/underemployed are worth less than anyone else in society


Of course, unproductive people are worth less. How could anyone think it's a good thing to live off others' labor? Granted, the bad economy of the last few years has meant more people are unemployed, but it's still nothing to aspire to. Being unemployed/underemployed is shameful, plain and simple.

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and have no social lives


You said yourself it's more difficult.

Quote:
that women are only worth as much as the value their husbands put on the


Didn't say that....I said it's easier for them. Men will date unemployed/underemployed women....women won't do the same with men.



VIDEODROME
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25 May 2011, 10:03 pm

Going through tough times here as well and trying to just be patient. I'm going to see if I can get some unemployment money coming in.

I was hoping to not have to be a trucker again but it's one of the few jobs I see in demand.



anewman
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25 May 2011, 10:18 pm

Just wanted to say I feel exactly the same SadAspy. I'm nearly 31, have two degrees, and living with my GF who does work. It's a struggle with her and her minimum wage job, trying to pay everything we need to. I want to get a job and contribute, I want to feel useful. Most people define themselves by the job they do, and the money they earn. This is the way society works, unfortunately. It's generally assumed if you don't work that you're being lazy, which is far from the truth for me. I recently had an interview for a job offering £34k per year, which when you consider my GF earns about £12k per year is quite a bit. I was rejected due to reasons relating to my disability and am looking to pursue the matter in an employment tribunal for disability discrimination.

But I guess the reason I feel so bad, negative, depressed, despondent, and verging on suicidality about it are as follows. Take away the Asperger's and I would probably have had the job mentioned above. Asperger's seems like a life-sentence to exclusion from work and society. Disability discrimination laws say this should not happen, but it regularly does. Also time with my mind makes my mind go a million miles an hour, and I probably only feel negative because I have so little to do. For example, I felt much better when I was doing voluntary work- but that didn't bring in any money. I'd much rather dedicate my thoughts and focus to a task, and be working.

I agree with other posters though, the concept of women staying at home and the man being the breadwinner is rather old and outmoded. One example of a way in which couples really need to both be working, at least in the UK, is otherwise they have no chance of getting a mortgage to buy a house - unless one earns significantly more than minimum wage.

Bloodheart wrote:
You at least have a chance of getting a decent job if you're capable, or even if you don't get a decent job you can still get a job good enough to pay the bills - many men work and provide for their families by working minimal wage jobs as cleaners, in McDonals, call centres, etc. - real men will take any job to provide for their families if needed.

Assuming you are female, either your Asperger's does not affect you to the degree it affects me and perhaps the OP to the extent that every job you look at feels unsuitable applying for, and every interview seems merely like a waste of time and effort - even when you put your all into preparing. Or perhaps employers take one look - Breasts (tick) she's hired.



Last edited by anewman on 25 May 2011, 10:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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25 May 2011, 10:30 pm

SadAspy wrote:
I'm drawing a blank. Sure, it's okay for a woman not to get a decent job...she can be a housewife, but men are supposed to be the providers. I'm almost 28 and I'm still dependent on my parents, despite having two degrees...

What are your degrees in? If engineering, programming, or applied technology, then you are employable. If they're in Philosophy, teaching, English Literature, History, or some other liberal arts, then ... well, repeat after me:

"Would you like to super-size your order?"

"Paper or plastic?"

"Cash, check or charge?"

:(


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anewman
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25 May 2011, 10:37 pm

Fnord wrote:
If they're in Philosophy, teaching, English Literature, History, or some other liberal arts, then ... well, repeat after me:

"Would you like to super-size your order?"

"Paper or plastic?"

"Cash, check or charge?"

:(


Even then you have to stand up against people without Asperger's in an interview situation, which for many people with Asperger's is quite a challenge. I have never been offered a single job despite applying for anything and everything.