Depressed about how things are "supposed" to be.

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Does anyone else get depressed when they read about how things are "supposed" to be, when it doesn't fit you?

E.g. I read an article that it's normal for teenagers to establish peer relationships, etc, and I got depressed because I obviously strugged with that.

Or seeing people from school announce they're married on facebook, which is something I probably won't do. I don't even feel a need to get married or engage in any kind of romantic relationship, which is also weird, apparantly.

I don't like sports, which is apparantly strange for a male.

etc...

I recall a Ranch salad dressing commercial in which a girl had gone away to college and she prepared herself an unusually large bowl of salad for dinner, with the salad dressing on it. When she sat down by herself at the table, she envisioned herself eating the salad at a picnic bench with her very happy family and the announcer came on and said, to paraphrase "Ranch salad dressing, making things the way they're supposed to be."

I found myself annoyed because I thought it was very arrogant and manipulative of them to proclaim how life was supposed to be. They were basically saying, one should have certain experiences and their product enables that. They were trying to promote their product as a staple of normalacy in American culture.

I don't see why it bothers you that you don't conform to some of these ideals when you don't want them to begin with.

One of my saddest classes in junion secondrady school (middle school to yanks) was "SPHE" Social, Person and Health education, which would cover sex ed, socialising, drugs and alcohol, bullying, self esteem, dealing with being a teen and common teen problems.

And it was there that I was most reminded how different I was, how my problems were nothing like this, these pages had nothing to do with my life and my joys were nothing like the joys normal teens are supposed to enjoy, nothing was ever shared with classmates and my opinions were always different, what a waste of time.

I am married, & my hubby isn't into sports. I really wasn't even looking to get married....it just sort of happened. My dad is also most likely an Aspie & was married for 55 years (mom just passed away last year). Btw, he still thinks sports are a waste of time. Marriage is possible even for an Aspie,if you find the right one. There are many things that depress me about my life, but that's another story. I don't have any close friends, & haven't for a very long time. Woulda, coulda, shoulda....can't change the past. Gotta think about the present & the future.

Yeah, I totally understand this. I am totally happy by myself, but it really bothers me when other people can't accept that.

I don't really want to be normal, but it depresses me when other people do.

Even my own parents snap at me when I say things like "I don't really want to have kids." It almost seems as if my life is more about trying to please them, and not myself.

Its pretty sad when others say you have no life because you dont like to go out and get drunk every night on the weekend.\
because thats how its supposed to be right.

I hate it when other people think I'm a 'saddo' because I don't have a social life.

I don't want one!! ! But usually, I really, really don't mind being different. I relish it. Infact, I get saddened when I see the world just going along, not questioning anything and just going with apathy.

There are things you are, and things you are not. There are no things you are "supposed to be". If someone supposes you to be something you are not, then someone made a mistake. It's depressing that people make so many mistakes about you, include you in their social affairs. I wish autism came with some external feat, like fur, blue skin or pointy ears.

Most of what works for people doesn't work for you, short of basics like breathing air, drinking liquids and eating food. There are no examples to follow, which makes life difficult -- you have to invent most of your life yourself, from scratch. This does mean you are probably more free than most other human beings.

Not depressed, no. I have spent a lot of time wondering why I don't care about those things. Like, relationships, marriage, etc. When I was a teenager I didn't even know what a "peer relationship" was and spent more time around adults than anyone my age...which is probably why I can count all the friends I had in high school on one hand, and only one lasted for even a full school year.

In fact, I can only think of two friends I had in high school, and neither was particularly close or "reciprocal."

A closer examination of reality will reaveal "the way things are supposed to be" as a threadbare sham. I recommend Freakonomics as a starting point, but the rare frank conversation with an NT-ish person will tell you a lot about it. Take as an example the fact that people almost never have anything nice to say about their spouse, or about marriage, unless they feel they have to defend one or the other.

I find the situation far more interesting than the spectacle, myself. That said, I'd likely feel happier and have more money if I had paid attention to "the way things are supposed to be" with a critical eye instead of raging at the falsity.

My parents have a very clear picture of The Way Things Are Supposed To Be for a girl of 25, which is what I am. The fact that I happen to fit the exact opposite doesn't depress me exactly, because I do like myself. I just occasionally find myself thinking, "What if..." while mulling over the fact that there are so many people my age getting married and being well into their careers while I'm still living the mental and physical life of a young teenager.
I feel like I'm lagging behind in a race or something, even though I know there's no race to begin with.

Sometimes I feel left out and lonely when I see people my age doing all the normal things I'm supposed to be doing.

But when I try to do them, I can keep it up for a little while, but it eventually all falls apart. Doing what I'm "supposed to" at all times just doesn't work for me. It depresses me when I fail at it.

It's like I want to, a little bit. But I still want to be me. Hard to find a balance, I guess.

I know what you mean.

I am a teenager, and I feel nervous about my peers, but not adults, so the thing you said about the peer relationships fits me.

There are some other things I have read that made me feel this way too, but the peer relationship is a big one.

I just don't have the same interests as people my age. I listen to different music, I watch different movies, I enjoy doing different things. I'm at the age, where you are "supposed" to like social networking such, like Facebook. I like Facebook but I use it in a much different way than my peers. For example, my peers on Facebook seem to really enjoy saying that they are married to their best friend or whatever, I don't do this. They also post updates that are supposed to be for a certain person. I don't this either.

It doesn't really bother me. I like having tea with my two close friends and having my alone time. I don't need a family and I also don't need to b out getting drunk, every weekend.

I think it would be nice sometimes to be like others. But then I think why would I. Going and getting wasted every weekend with the potential of being in a drunken brawl or drink drive and kill someone does not appeal to me. Be happy with who you are and enjoy the things you like to do.