I was diagnosed with Aspergers but what else do I have?

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Hello, I was diagnosed with Aspergers by three different specialists. I think I may have other conditions which until now I kept hidden from people especially psychiatrists because I was afraid they would put me under medication or lock me up or something, here's a list of those flaws that I have which I think may be related to another condition:

- I think I may be Obsessive Compulsive, everything I own has to be perfect when it is made or when I buy it, I have accepted the fact that things degrade over time but the thought of not having something for life makes me feel so depressive... For example I returned an expensive luxury good I had bought and had it remade three times because it wasn't perfect. I am also horrified about the thought that clothing won't last a lifetime and that even expensive good quality will need to be replaced in 10-15 years or so. I think I want to buy things that last a lifetime because I am insecure about whether I will be able to purchase them in the future.

- I sometimes rush decisions (involving money) when I want to buy something in order to prevent myself from changing my mind and having regrets. Sometimes I do the exact opposite and hesitate for ages before I buy something I really need.

- I start conversations about interesting topics and then get bored very easily.

- I am extremely concerned about my appearance, I don't want to look 'unworthy'.

- I am extremely arrogant with people but I feel guilty afterwards. When I was little I was convinced I was the living incarnation of a God. Now I still think I am beyond any other human being but I do not feel guilt for that.

- I am so terribly selfish that if I was granted immortality for killing 50 million people I would totally do it, I'd feel extremely guilty afterwards though. Yes, I know how weird this sounds.

- I 'explode' in rage very easily and yell at people when they offend me or are rude in the slightest way, I don't tolerate any lack of respect as long as I don't see a very very reason to restrain myself. I do feel extremely guilty afterwards and often ask myself whether I'm a horrible person.

- I despise many people for their ideas and beliefs and sometimes for their appearance (clothes not skin colour, I'm not a racist).

It took a lot of courage to write this... Hopefully someone can help me find out whether I might have something else and how to deal with it. I would also like to understand aspergers better because I don't really do. By the way, I am a 20 year old caucasian male. Thank you!


PS: Don't tell me to see a Psychiatrist, Psychologist or whatever, I can't stand them, all they ever do is take notes and ask stupid redundant questions. I've spent too much time with them. Sorry, no offence to any professionals who might be reading this, some things work for some people but not in my case.

How are we supposed to know what other disorders you may or may not have? Most of us here aren't medical professionals.

I do feel something so I'm not a psychopath but maybe I am a narcissist?

I was thinking maybe people with similar problems could give me their opinions. I am not looking for a diagnosis, just to understand myself better.

Oh and I forgot to add something: While I am very shy and insecure I can also be extremely confident and I am not afraid of barging through a door into a room full of people. It depends on the situation I guess. I'd be afraid of going into a room with people all talking to each other but I wouldn't be afraid of making a speech in front of the whole world. Not sure how to say this but I hope you get what I mean.

I was leaning toward Narcissism too. I was just worried about getting my rear "exploded" in rage for saying it. I'm no doctor though.

One other thought is if you have periods where you're depressed, you may be bipolar. I say this because what you described could be considered grandiose ideation which is common in mania.

Well those could just be additional symptoms of your Asperger's. They sound like the kind of things I would do.

Well I thought I was Bipolar because I get very depressed and then I am very happy and all but my happiness never lasts etc... But my generalist doctor told me I'm not Bipolar. She's not a psy though.

If I'm a Narcissist, does that mean I'm a bad person? That I'll never find love? That my work relations will always be conflictual? I don't think I can repress my personality.

And about getting angry I usually get angry and am mean with people who have no utility to me and that I can afford to see upset or hating me. Yes, it's bad I know.

I forgot another point - sometimes I just lie impulsively about stuff and make things up, like when there is a long silence in a conversation I will make up a story...

Eh, cyclothymia maybe. It's a milder varient of bipolar. Unless you get professional help which you already said you weren't it's all rather moot.

I'm not comfortable calling anyone with a disorder a "bad person". Hypothetically speaking, if you have narcissism then it will make interpersonal and work relationships difficult. Asperger's makes interpersonal relationships difficult anyways so worrying about which label you fall under may be over kill. I believe they're both treated through therapy.

Do you make up stories to entertain yourself or to screw with people or because there's nothing else to say?

I only ask because I've heard some bizarre stories from people, and I never know if they're true or not. One guy told me about his friend the axe murderer who tried to murder him and ended up axe murdering someone else and going to jail.

look up ADHD

Lol, no I make stuff up as an excuse or to fill blanks in a conversation. What I make up is (mostly) believable.

Another thing, perhaps the worst of all my flaws; I forgot to mention this too but; I once had a math teacher who kept humiliating me in front of the whole class, yelling, saying I was worthless and all that. A few weeks ago he died, I was happy. I was VERY happy about his death it made my day and this time I did not feel any guilt at all, I did feel again against the people who wrote "oh poor mr x' or 'RIP mr X' on their facebook statuses. I have felt like that before about people I really loathed because they were horrible to me and abused me on a mental or social level (not being happy about someone's death but wanting someone dead) of course I am not stupid and going to commit murder or something like that (I had an IQ of 140 when I was 8 years old), I'd never do that but I more than one wished someone would get kidnapped by a crazy person and tortured to death or hit by a bus. I am ashamed of being like that, I know its horrible... But I don't know if morality exists for me. Of course I know love and affection but some of my feelings and emotions can get very strong.

Last edited by OldFashioned on 31 May 2011, 6:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds like your accentuated issues could be rooted to rather severe manifestation of aloofness, which is characteristic of aspergers. Which I think naturally grows out of pragmatism . . . . i'll explain more in a moment i have to help my wife clean the car.

I think everyone has thoughts like that, but very few people care to admit it. All is well as long as people do not actually act upon these thoughts. Once, I had a dream in which I murdered someone I didn't know, and I felt pretty happy about it in the dream and also after waking up, because the police had failed to catch me in the dream.

@so_subtly_strange: Is the aloofness that you mentioned similar to emotional detachment? Like being able to think about killing 50 million people without batting an eyelash? Because I can do that too. I don't think there's a disorder associated with it. It's just a thought experiment, not something that I'd want to do in real life. It doesn't even get to the point of feeling guilty, because it's an all-thinking-no-feeling experiment. Psychopathic? Narcissistic? I think just detached.

Last edited by btbnnyr on 31 May 2011, 6:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Lol, it's kind of embarrassing but I am being 100% honest in this thread. I am so complexed, I am haunted by a fear of being a bad person.

Oh and I'm also very paranoid with new people but then sometimes I tend to trust too much. It's gotten me hurt more than once...

I'm a very straight to the point person. I hate it when they do all these redundant scenes in movies, I just wanna know what happens next.

I also hate waiting.

I would suggest looking up ADHD and bipolar too.