What is your most common social mistake?

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wefunction
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09 Jun 2011, 7:42 pm

My biggest mistake is talking too much, and running off on a disinteresting monologue without realizing I'm boring people, or talking too little, and giving people the impression that I'm snobby, I don't like them or I'm uncomfortable with whatever they're doing.

I don't make a fool of myself with every social encounter. I'm pretty well behaved nowadays. It takes practice and preparation. If I'm caught off guard or if I'm tired or sick or stressed out, I'll still flub it up.

Sometimes, I get tired of having to live up to people's expectations and never being good enough. You can be successful in 9 out of 10 encounters but if you mess up that tenth one, they'll suddenly think bad of you. I hate that. It makes me value my true friends more because they love me just as I am.



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09 Jun 2011, 9:18 pm

Trying to figure out who is a friend and who isn't. Who should I greet if I see and who should I walk by and look straight ahead.


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10 Jun 2011, 10:43 am

It's a toss up between:

- As someone else mentioned, using lame jokes or quipping sarcasm (oddly for an Aspie, I do sarcasm very well. We all have our quirks) to spice up conversation. I don't really think it's a mistake, because I'm pretty good at judging when it's appropriate. Although for those that don't know me or aren't used to my personality, it can be a bit confrontational. It's a good coping technique, because there's many times where I actually don't have a clue what to say otherwise - I can't carry a conversation without it unless it's something factual and not just generally shooting the breeze. But most people who aren't stupid (i.e. my friends) think my covering-up-my-cluelessness-jokes are funny anyway (I hope...).

- My tone of voice is sometimes off-base. Making it sound like I'm snapping at someone, when it's not intended that way in the slightest. That's a rarity nowadays though, but it's probably the worst one so I'll count it because it's not something I can be conscious of for some reason so I have no idea when or why it's going to occur so I can't catch it in advance.

- Recognising who is really a friend and who isn't. This has screwed me over greatly recently, and I've blamed myself the entire way through life so far for thinking that specific people were actually my friends. I get so mad that I can't see these people's true intentions until it's too late and it's completely destroyed any confidence I had in my abilities.

- (Slightly related to the previous point) Not being open enough about how I'm feeling. Admittedly, if I'm in the zone where someone has done something epically stupid or something has finally driven me to the breaking point, I'll let fly about it (there's a few discourses where I'm known for my "telling it like it is" and overall bluntness). But I seem to have only two modes to the outside observer: poker face and happy (kind of). I need to find a way to strike a balance between my current state of (external) emotional nonchalance and being fully "up in your jammy" about how I'm feeling about something. This is good for two reasons, it makes me appear more approachable to the other party because I'll appear to be more normal. It'll also mean that I have an outlet for both my positive and negative emotions, meaning I hopefully won't get so bottled up, anxious, depressed etc, thus stopping the vicious cycle that has been my emotions of late. :)



slashfrehley42
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10 Jun 2011, 12:07 pm

Stating my opinions without making them more palatable first.
Misjudging how someone will react to something I say and inadvertently offending them.
Not expressing feelings the way you're meant to. Like if someone dies, I don't grieve outwardly, and some people perceive this as apathy. When I used to get in trouble at school, I'd sit there and not express any emotion whatsoever. Or I'd smile and try to be friendly. Pissed a lot of teachers off that way.

And I have this tipping point where I realise that I've messed up, so I just give up on making things better and see how far I can push the situation. I lost a job once doing that.



tcorrielus
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11 Jun 2011, 8:10 pm

My social mistake is asking questions and or saying things that seem to be harmless during social conversations, but people find unacceptable. For instance, asking people how other people have died recently.



namaste
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11 Jun 2011, 9:29 pm

i am not exactly good at jotting down my weakness since i have not connected with myself that well yet
But certainly after reading everyone else comments i could relate to this comment very well and so i copy pasted it.

Another one is clinginess. I mean if I find someone I like that is friendly and that I get really close to, sometimes I don't realize that they need their space too and that has gotten me in trouble more times than one can imagine. Many times i have clinged onto people and after a while they dumped me because of my excess clinginess

Also, I've got this one issue, I usually try to be pretty prompt about answering emails, returning phone calls, "liking it" when people are kind enough to post on my wall on Facebook (unless I don't see them) but when I sent an email and an NT doesn't do the same thing or they don't do it at all, I think oh sh**, I've done something wrong, or I've made them mad and I panic and do a bunch of impulsive and idiotic things to try to "fix" whatever problem I think there is when it usually turns out that I'm just reading way too much into things, and that I'm also expecting the other person involved to do the things that I do, because I do things differently. I tend to not understand when people do things the way they want to do them, because I forget to be considerate of what's going on in their lives and what they've got going on right at that moment and think that my way of doing things should be universal.

Another thing I do is when I meet a friendly person, or someone who appears to be that way, I think I reveal too much to them. I do this with women especially because they give off this vibe that they just want to talk all the time, and they do talk all the time. I don't talk as much, but when I want to talk, I really want to talk like about very serious things because they are on the surface in my mind. I am learning to overcome this habit and i guess keeping to myself would prevent me from getting into this mess

I also have very bad eye contact, looking at people's eyes is very uncomfortable for me even seeing my own eyes in the mirror is very freaky.

Facial expressions is a big one to me, I get people who say I frown too much, I never smile I get really really embarrassed when I am the center of attention, like if someone is looking directly at me, I turn so red. I hate talking about myself when I am face to face with a person.

I cannot talk in a group can only do one to one conversation since im low in confidence


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Ai_Ling
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12 Jun 2011, 1:21 am

Here's my top 2

1) Greetings, I rarely properly greet people I know, I just walk up and join them. When I see someone I dont know whether to say hi or not, I avert eye contact out of nervousness and I dont say hi. If they say hi, I will mutter a hi.

2) Saying something offensive, speaking my mind or saying something inappropriate. I will too often say something that is out of line and sometimes not even have an idea that it was out of line. Sometimes, NTs wont say anything but then later wont really be that receptive to you.



Imapanda
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12 Jun 2011, 2:28 am

I'm always instinctively sarcastic; causing a lot of arguments in the household.

Most 'long' conversations I get into with people I don't know very well are just composed of me asking questions, both irrelevant and relevant.

I have uncontrollable stutters and slurs when saying a sentence more than 6 words long.

I have this habit which involves me always subconsciously holding my breath, which sometimes can result in really awkward, but uncontrollable 'moans'.

I use big words.



namaste
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12 Jun 2011, 2:37 am

Imapanda wrote:
I'm always instinctively sarcastic; causing a lot of arguments in the household.

even im sarcastic
Quote:
Most 'long' conversations I get into with people I don't know very well are just composed of me asking questions, both irrelevant and relevant.

again a similar issue
Quote:
I have uncontrollable stutters and slurs when saying a sentence more than 6 words long.

ya i feel my throat choking and paining while talking more



ratonlaveur
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12 Jun 2011, 8:12 pm

I think I'm a bit too immature/joking/sarcastic, and sometimes it comes across as being rude or insulting. Or actually, it's pretty often..



Klokateer666
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16 Jun 2011, 5:40 am

I think my worst problem when it comes to socialising is that I tend to speak too quickly and use a lot of large words in quick succession, confusing some people that aren't too familiar with me. Then when I take the time to rephrase what I've said it almost sounds like I'm lecturing the person, which they usually don't seem to like for some reason :roll:

For the most part though my social skills are enough to be able to pass myself off as an NT. I understand humour, sarcasm and irony well enough and one unsuspecting NT has even claimed that I was one of the funniest (haha funny, not strange funny) people she's ever met. Clearly she doesn't know what funny is.



jojobean
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17 Jun 2011, 3:55 am

I usually have something else going on in my head while someone else is talking...usually having NOTHING to do with what is being spoken by the other person and as soon as that person catches their breath for a millisecond, I then blurt out what I am thinking. It makes for very akward moments
example:
Jill is talking for 15 minutes about her boyfriend and her mother getting into a fight over her not spending enough time with either one of them
meanwhile I am thinking about what I learned on wp about introverts and extroverts having different neuropathways
Jill takes a short pause in discussing this situation with me and I blurt out....did you know that introverts and extroverts have different neuropathways??
Jill looks at me like I have been dropped out of space on my head...and says...whaaaaat does that have to do with anything IIIII said
Sorry, I am random

second thing is how long to make eye contact...that is soooo confusing to me that I just avoid it all together...if I do make eye contact, I wont hear anything that person said cause all I am thinking is how long should I make eye contact

however not making eye contact has its social stigmas too

also because of my hearing impairment on top of my auditory processing dysfuction, and then AS on top of that, it is a miracle that I understand much of what people say to me...but most the time I dont get most of what people say, but because I am unsure of myself...I dont ask for them to repeat...I just mirror their facial expressions and nod my head. Most of my social interactions with people who dont know me are like this. People that do know me, know that they have to enunciate clearly and be facing me so I can lip read what they are saying. Sometimes even then I will just smile and nod.


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17 Jun 2011, 6:57 am

Not thinking before I speak. It doesn't happen all the time, but it happens often enough.


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nick007
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17 Jun 2011, 8:22 am

I make lots of social mistakes. I am incapable of noticing facial expressions due to low vision. I have weird facial expressions & sometimes have creepy looks in my eyes maybe related to my vision issues. I sometimes(or lots of times) find inappropriate things very funny so I laugh when it's inappropriate. I sometimes say things to be funny that are considered inappropriate or rude by others & I really do not understand why it's funny when an NT says it but not me. I sometimes say rude & impolite things without realizing why what I said was wrong. I sometimes stutter & slur when I talk because of a tremor disorder that acts up when I'm nervous & having tremors with that makes me look like I'm on something. I think I may have a weird posture, I sometimes fold my arms. I play with things in my hands. I check my email & other things on my droid quite a lot; I think it's kind of a stimming thing. I sometimes walk around & move my arms kinda pacing. I have problems finding the rite tone of voice; I talk low or I talk to loud. I'm very easily confuse. & forget things.


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17 Jun 2011, 1:36 pm

nick007 wrote:
I make lots of social mistakes. I am incapable of noticing facial expressions due to low vision. I have weird facial expressions & sometimes have creepy looks in my eyes maybe related to my vision issues. I sometimes(or lots of times) find inappropriate things very funny so I laugh when it's inappropriate. I sometimes say things to be funny that are considered inappropriate or rude by others & I really do not understand why it's funny when an NT says it but not me. I sometimes say rude & impolite things without realizing why what I said was wrong. I sometimes stutter & slur when I talk because of a tremor disorder that acts up when I'm nervous & having tremors with that makes me look like I'm on something. I think I may have a weird posture, I sometimes fold my arms. I play with things in my hands. I check my email & other things on my droid quite a lot; I think it's kind of a stimming thing. I sometimes walk around & move my arms kinda pacing. I have problems finding the rite tone of voice; I talk low or I talk to loud. I'm very easily confuse. & forget things.


*the laughing thing, same here
*the rude thing, same here
*I don't slur, but sometimes I mumble, not trying, but sometimes I don't realize when I'm doing it
*I definitely have a weird posture...oh, and a lot of the times I sit weirdly....like right now I am sitting indian style on the chair
*Email thing, yes, yes, yes, yes....I am OCD about checking my email and my facebook
*I used to have problems with tone, but I am working on it