Autistic Teen (How can I Talk to My Parents)?

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kat_ross
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14 Jun 2011, 11:21 pm

the original post sounds like something i could have written myself. my therapist has advised me to get out of my parents' house as soon as possible.



momsparky
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15 Jun 2011, 5:42 pm

JohnCounsel wrote:
Try viewing their behaviour through an Aspie lens. My own diagnosis at 56 years old, then the realization that my mother was a classic Aspie herself, transformed my relationship with her after almost 30 years of near-estrangement. I could finally understand her, and it made all the difference in the world to how I perceived her and related to her. I became tolerant, accepting and patient, almost overnight.
John


This has been my experience as well, and from the other things you've written, it really seems to ring true. I try to keep my own parents at as much distance as possible, and am realizing that not only are they on the spectrum, they were raised in a culture that was much less accepting of anything different - and, thus, they incorporated intolerance into their worldview that was already rigid and perfectionistic due to autism.

Knowing this may not make your stay any easier, but if your parents are supporting you through college, it may be a good idea to try to figure out a way to get through this to keep their support. I think possibly setting clear boundaries about touch, topics of discussion, etc. is important - maybe you can work on a written letter with your psychologist that explains your needs (for instance, why it bothers you to be hugged as well as a request for personal space.)

I am very sorry to hear what you are going through, and if it helps: I got through a similar situation, and am doing fine as an adult, even if my relationship with my parents suffered.

Word to the wise, though - as someone who is more than likely an Aspie, I also had many friends of many ages, which usually was a good thing. Sometimes because of my autism, I was unable to see the underlying motives of my friends, which caused some events I wish had not happened. Certainly, age is not the only determining factor of friendship, and I had the same experience as you with my college peers...but please be aware that your autism puts you at a disadvantage. Watch out for warning signs (people angling or making arrangements to get you alone, in particular. Small groups are safer.)