College Wore Me Down, and Made Me Cynical

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I graduated from college a month ago, and the realization is starting to sink in. I did find a job, and regard myself as highly marketable. I guess I can go on to achieve a nice little career for myself if I keep on my current trajectory. In other words, college was worth it for me in economic terms.

But is it much of an achievement? Did it in any way help me become a better person? I say "no," because college helped me very little with achieving what I really wanted: lasting friendships.

College didn't help me in other ways, either. For instance, I don't feel much smarter after four years. In many ways, high school was more work for me. But not having any real relationships makes me feel depressed and worthless, no matter what I achieve in economic terms later on.

People shunned me in college. I am not exactly sure why, as I deliberately worked to improve my social skills. For instance, I went to a school in Washington DC, in part because it's such a difficult city to live in. I also interned at a newspaper in London, and had to stop people on the streets and interview them. Most people with better social instincts that I have say that I do fine interacting. I come off as eccentric, they say, but in an intriguing way.

And yet my peers get bored with me rather quickly. I may have lunch with some of my floor mates one day, and then they completely loose interest in me the next. "It will get better," I told myself, and worked at ways to make me both interact better and make myself more interesting. Of course, it never did get better.

So now I am a month past graduation. I have no friends I can just text on a Friday night and do something with, and only three or four acquaintances I see myself keeping in touch with at all. High school was just as bad, but college was supposed to be different. It was, my elders told me, the time I was to "bloom" and "start fresh." I remember in high school that my then-psychologist told me that starting college was the closest to cleaning a slate than anything else in life. Being a shy, awkward 18 year old who hated high school, hope for a better life resonated with me.

Now that college is over, and it has come to pass, I feel weariness. I don't want to celebrate my "victory," but rather go to sleep and let the world pass by me. I could press on with life and tell myself, "it'll be different this time," but I am not sure that's the case. Now that the structure of college is gone, it'll be even more difficult for me to form lasting friendships, find a partner, have sex, or any other social milestone.

I can't talk to anyone about how weary I am. Believe me, I tried, but most people seem to think that college is the closest thing to bliss. It's very hard to talk to people about a view so different from everyone's own. Hell, I sometimes question my own views on college, until I realize just how unhappy it made me.

College was just plain frustrating for me, and has made me cynical about my own future. If these are the best four years of my life, what do I possibly have to look forward to?

I never made any friends in college, either. Even though I volunteered for several clubs and helped with different events. People just never really got to like me. It's like I was coated with human-repelling Teflon.

Just wait until you've settled into your new job... then you'll really know cynicism. At least now hopefully you know better than to listen to you elders.

When you're different you have to forge your own path through life. Social skills are overrated; it's a matter of fitting in, not having skills. If you are different you will not fit in, period. The rudest, most inconsiderate, and obnoxious people often have all sorts of friends if they fit in.

The best thing that happened after college was I started to really accept myself as who I am, and find satisfying hobbies, such that it started making perfect sense that I never had many friends. The idea of trying to fit in changed from an exercise of blindly running into a brick wall over and and over again, to realizing, "hmm, there is a brick wall there, thinking that if I run into it enough times I will finally go through it eventually is stupid".

You say college was "only" a success in "economic terms". Don't discount the power of money, with money you can travel, try all sorts of hobbies, etc.

You should focus on finding individuals you can connect with, instead of trying to find a crowd. If you try online dating you can probably find a ladyfriend eventually. It's very common, even among NTs for men to just have their girlfriend/wife as their social outlet.

Bluemage is right. You need to concentrate on being self-sufficient. Don't pine away over the fact that you don't have friends.

Spend your time on hobbies and interests... and along the way, you will find people that you click with. You might never have a ton of friends, but you'll eventually find a few.

If I can make friends, anyone can!

At least college was economically worth it for you. I can't even say that much for myself. I graduated 3 months ago, and I don't even get interviews.

While I was reading your post I was wondering if thats what is going to happen to me when I graduate.

So far I haven't really made any friends in college. I know a few people from my classes but we don't hang out or anything. And the only person I do hang out with regularly only want's me around because her grammer is terrible and she needs help writing papers. I'm not suprised by that though, that's how it was for me in high school.

I was always given all of those lines too: "College is a place to start over, you'll see, you'll have tons of friends there!! !!"

Lies, lies, lies!! !! !

The only thing college has done for me is help me find a field of study that I love. Whether or not I'll be able to do anything with the degree in three years, I don't know.

I don't know what to tell you. I certainly don't have any special knowledge on how to make friends.

I feel the same way, except it was K through 12 that wore me down and made me cynical, even before I got to college. I've kind of lost the will to go to school because of how much stress it's caused me over the years, so I'm finishing up this quarter and then quitting school for a while after my family relocates in August. Earn some real money when we get there, too, so if/when I decide to go back to school somewhere, I'll be able to pay for it out of my own pocket again.

I'm afraid its part of the package i did try but now the students make fun of me at uni like they did in high school and school. I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't my fault *sigh* -_-