BraveMurderDay wrote:
The dreams of who I have wanted to become by this stage of my life are fulfilled - living situation, work situation, money situation. And even with relationships, although they are scarce and somewhat barren, I'd rather it be like that than dysfunctional chaos. Put another way, they are positive, they are just more shallow and far between mostly.
I'm much more at ease alone, taking the world in and doing activities. At younger ages I'd shy away from everyone because of feeling vulnerable and inferior, but now I've become satisfied with myself I still shy away and some of that is deficits in communication skills/abilities. Something of a social learning disability. And a great disease around others too, like they couldn't imagine the malice I could dream up for them.
Here is a belief that I have: even in most tolerant of worlds, some people are so rare that they will never find a peaceful place within society, reasons may vary, but there are some of us for whom this is the case, plain and simple.
It is taboo for me to bring this up with anyone but I know in my heart where my life is charted will bring me ultimately to one of two directions given enough time: suicide or criminal activity. Like I said, this is taboo to discuss even on an anonymous board like this so I am not going to elaborate on that statement. Or the third option is that I will lose pretty much all contact with the outside world and become completely immersed in my fantasy life, which I would prefer if only I could maintain independence. But still it only seems right to try to impact someone else positively.
This is something a serial killer could have written before committing his crimes.
If you don't understand the point of this post, do not bother responding, BTW.
24 Aug 2006, 6:26 pm
