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liloleme
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26 Jun 2011, 5:19 am

If any of you have read any of my other posts than you know that we just moved to France last summer....almost a year now. My son (Aspie) is about to turn 9 in a few weeks. He is in second grade because he has Learning Disabilities that prevent him from reading and writing. We think its either dysgraphia (he has a lot of pain while writing) or dyslexia (he is also flipping letters around especially in small words like if he sees the world "lad" he would spell it "dal"). He will be going to a specialized school next year. He has a lot of problems at his current school. He wants friends really bad but has no idea how to be social even though he did a year of social training in a group....I personally think all he learned was how to socialize with aspies which really isnt something that is difficult for him in the first place. Im hoping he will encounter other aspies at his school but there is no groups in our area. We have found an organization that does things in the summer so we are hoping to find him a friend there as well. He was sent to a French immersion school for two years in the US so he is fluent in French but has the same odd stuttering problem he has in English....he will sort of get stuck on one word and draw out the last syllable if that makes any sense. He is picked on at school even though his teacher insists the other kids dont notice that he is "different".....HAHA, what a blind woman! They make fun of his obvious AS plus they call him stupid because his aide writes all his work for him. She tells us that he knows all the answers but he just cant read or write. He is also advanced in Math. He has found some girls who are sympathetic to him (posted about this before) however lately he gets easily angry and frustrated at just about everything, including his beloved video games. He has always been very bossy but now he gets very angry and is very sensitive. My husband took him to the neighbors birthday party and they had to come home early because my son was getting upset with the noise and anyone touching him, he got hypersensitive. I used to do this when I was a kid too I would want to go somewhere but then get overwhelmed by the noise and the crowd. Im afraid maybe the same thing is happening to him and its upsetting him. Maybe he is coming to the realization early that even though he wants friends and he wants to do what they do, its too hard for him. Then again I could be reading too much into it.
He just lately screams at everyone, and is yelling a lot at our 6 year old daughter who has Classic Autism. She is now picking up some of his nastiness.....like saying "stupid" all the time and screaming at the computer. He seems to be all over the place with his special interests lately. He cant seem to focus even on one of them for very long and this also seems to upset him. I think he feels as hes flailing and has nothing to latch onto. It seems once he is really into one he is more calm and I have even been trying to encourage him to try to focus on them. We have been trying to play more games with our kids and doing things with them because I have been ill (I have a chronic disease) I can not do as much as I used to. Games are the one thing I can do. My husband and I typically play Mario Cart with my son every night and my daughter likes to just watch....she says its her favorite movie :D . We also started having them earn tokens for picking up their clothes, pulling the cover up on their bed, and my son gets extras for taking care of his rabbit (which he does very well btw) and we take away tokens for screaming and calling people names, hitting, not doing chores, ect. They can turn in tokens for extra computer or video game time (we give them limits on games because now they both tend to get too frustrated if they play too much) and we told my son he can save up enough to buy some of his lego star wars things. The token method is working well for my autie, she is very upset if she looses a token. Luc all the sudden doesnt care about his tokens and he is fine with "playing in his head" if I take away his video game time. I have to put my daughters eardefenders on when Luc is playing his games and or when he starts on one of his rampages....we typically send him outside too when he starts this....my neighbors, im sure wonder about us, good thing I dont care :lol: . I worry about both of them because whatever is happening to him is affecting her.
Its possible that when school gets out that he will be doing better (they dont get out until the first of July) also maybe he may do better if we get him into some activities with other children with Autism. He doesnt even mind if the kids are lower functioning than him he sometimes makes comments but he still plays with them well....he may understand them because he understands his sister. He does play with her sometimes but he will yell at her when she does something wrong in a video game or something. Then I have him screaming and her having a meltdown....lovely, Mommy needs some eardefenders!
Other times he is really good with her and they have a great time. He is typically a very sweet boy so its a stark contrast when he just literally screams and has an ugly meltdown. I am just at a loss of what to do about this rage that he has all the sudden. It may also have to do with his growing up even though he is very intelligent he is very immature for his age so I dont think puberty is hitting early, or I could be wrong.....no hair is growing anywhere and he tends to be smaller than most kids his age.
If anyone has a boy around his age and having any of the same problems Im open to suggestions or ideas. Maybe its just the stress from school. I did home school him for a year before we moved here and he was far more relaxed and Im thinking if this specialized school does not help than I will get a French tutor and just keep him home again. Its not worth my son being so stressed out and he is not learning anything but brushing up on some of his forgotten French. I dont think he has really learned much else all year. He is already ahead in Math so that is nothing new for him and they have not been able to teach him to read or write. Anyway, any suggestions or ideas will be helpful. I have three girls and only two boys and I only have experience raising a Bi polar son (my now 24 year old) so in a way my son is uncharted territory even though he is a lot like me in many ways.



aann
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26 Jun 2011, 5:41 am

Pooor guy. I would be as angry. He just can't take all those changes.
I realize this would be difficult, having a chronic illness, but I would homeschool him before he gets more defiant. Defiance isn't who he is but he has no other option. You could always return to the school thing later, right? He sounds a lot like my boy but reverse the math and language skill abilities.



Ilka
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26 Jun 2011, 8:22 am

It sounds like everything is getting to him. His reaction seems like he has a lot of anger he is not being able to manage and it is starting to get him. I think you need help ASAP. You need to take him sonewhere or talk to someone about this. According to my experience this is not going to go away by itself. It is going to get worst. You need professional help. He needs to talk to someone about what is going on, and unfortunatelly they will never tell us.



squirrelflight-77
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26 Jun 2011, 8:49 am

This may not apply to your son but I know with Jordan 'anger' is stress. Any time she is stressed from anything she appears horribly angry and furious with everyone. I didnt realize for a long time that it was stress. She even says she is angry but reducing stress reduces the angry mood. At this point anytime she starts to act angry (rude, yelling, stomping, horrible tone, slamming doors, etc) we immediately redirect her to a calming activity. She it typically pretty upset at having to do that but it works. Afterwards she is fine. And we are also finding that some things that she likes (certain video games) are NOT calming even though they are fun while other games may be very calming for her. Mainly walking outside, blowing bubbles, spinning, and madlibs do a lot for her mood.


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Michelle K. - OCD, undiagnosed Aspergers
Mom to Jordan age 10 - Sensory Integration Disorder, undiagnosed Aspergers, Diabetes, JRA