Bipolar - Asperger

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everybody!

I am bipolar II , 54 years old. My husband is Aspergers and the same age.
His speciale interest is "Blonde Girls 20 to 30 Years Old". He is obsessed with them!
It is very hurtful for me. For example: When he worked in the Ukraine, he told me about the "Super-Sexy Prostitute"!
Further, that I never will find out, what happened there!
He also watches - or watched - porn behind my back. Often he did not want to make love with me - he prefered the porn!
Being rejected very often - I lost confidence. He told me, if a was starring in a porn, nobody would want to see it. He prefers the
20 years old - and so he is confinced every men is doing so.
We went to London last year and I realized for the first time how strong his obsession with young, blond, sexy gilrs is.
He ogled permanent bluntly in front of me! I was hurted. Since that he tries to get rid of the obsession.
But even in his professional social network there are some girls only for being blonde and young.
He claims that he loves me - I can not beliefe this anymore.
As english is not my mothertongue - I apologize for my mistakes.
Thanks a lot for your answers,
Kati

I forgot to mention, that my husband wants to get (only himself) a sportscar. The type of italian sportscar which mainly young men like to drive.
Kind of italian-gigolo-car.

This is not acceptable behavior on your husband's part. I would go so far as to say it's not an Asperger's obsession.special interest but a sexual fetish that is DEFINITELY inappropriate in the context of him being married to you!

Him hurting you in this way is NOT OKAY!

I am sorry if I seem forceful in my opinion but I truly believe you should not accept this behavior. Either ask him to see a therapist about it to stop the inappropriate obsession or just tell him you are leaving him until he can stop his obsession, and leave him until he does. It is completely disrespectful and unfair and uncaring and painful to you.

I understand leaving him is not an easy option but you do not deserve to be treated in this way.

You deserve all the respect and love and consideration and caring and devotion a person can give you in a relationship.

PS- What is your mother tongue, out of interest? (I am interested in languages!)

Thanks for your friendly answer. I am a kindergarten teacher but have been a housewife for nearly 30 years now. I am afraid I would not find a job easily. I am German.

Best regards Kati

Hi! You're welcome! Do you live in Germany now? I know that your German-speaking skills would be in demand in a German immersion preschool/private home requiring a German tutor/childcare professional in another country (the U.S. for example)! Or any other job that requires bilingualism in German and English - like flight attendant? Or airline service agent who works at the airport only?

Yeah, I mean this kind of idiotic behaviour can't really be blamed on beeing an aspie!?

We had consultation to save the marriage - and she said that my husbands special interest or his obsession are the young blond girls.

yes - I live in Germany and I can not leave our home as we have three grown up children. I love my kids - it would breake my heart to leave them.
And we have lots of animals, like horses and parrots - it is not easy to move with or without them.

I wish I could leave and forget about all.

Sometimes my husband compares me with the 90years old actress Zsa Zsa Gabor - or with the 70 years old Jane Fonda. These are the days when he thinks he is nice to me ! Or he tells me, that no longer he wants to kiss the floor where my pretty hairdresser walked along.
He is very nice to me!

Actually I am skinny with long blonde hair and look like 40 something. Some people told me I look a bit like Pam Anderson.

Why is he hurting me - doing this to me??????

It is not okay what he is doing. Don't take it. You shouldn't have to hear it. If he starts talking like that anytime in the near future, I myself would just tell him you will not allow to be disrespected and leave the house and go out for walk.

In the long term, for your own mental health I personally do not think you should stay with someone who verbally abuses and disrespects you. It is extremely misogynistic and just plain uncaring. I am sure you are beautiful. For him to be comparing you to someone forty years older than you and who is on her deathbed is just plain ridiculous. Women over 30 basically are treated by a youth-obsessed and misogynistic culture as worthless which is completely wrong and disgusting. It seems your husband has bought into this filth to an extreme degree. You and beautiful and worthy of all the happiness and love in the world and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise! Especially not a so-called family member (husband)!

"Young blonde women" is not an appropriate interest for anyone, Asperger's or not, because women are individual people who cannot be catalogued or thought of in a monolithic way or possessed. That qualifies as a fetish and nothing else.

I understand not wanting to leave Germany. I do think you have a lot of potential to make your own money using your kindergarten-teaching background and/or your bilingual skill. I understand not wanting to leave your home and pets but I imagine some compromise could be worked out wherein you could keep the pets, or keep seeing them at least? Your mental health is the most important thing.

I found this website for nurseries in Germany: is this job or something like it possible for you?

http://www.froebel-gruppe.de/karriere.0.html?&L=1

If not I can think more - I am really interested in careers involving bilingual skill and I know there must be an opportunity for you that doesn't require you to move from Germany!

Thank you - you are very friendly! After 30 years of being a housewife going to work again is a really great step. To be honest - I am a bit afraid.
As I suffer a lot from depression thats why I think it is not the best idea to work with children. Maybe working in tourism - airport - hotel ...... could work a lot better.
I also have basic skills in hungarian and italian. Further I know a little bit of french.

I have 2 years of commercial school - so I know a bit about the office stuff .

I guess I need to get used to the idea of earning my own money, if I do not want to be treaten like a pice of dirt!

Yes you definitely need to stop being treated like dirt!

Have you looked at Lufthansa's site?

http://www.be-lufthansa.com/en/home/

It says they are hiring 2000 flight attendants. But I also saw in their other job categories they have an immediate need for certain other in-airport jobs like ticket agent in certain cities in Germany - this (to me at least) seems less stressful than being in the air all the time as a flight attendant, but anyway those both seem like jobs you'd be a good candidate for since you are bilingual in English and German and have Hungarian, Italian, and French skill!

Another thought I had was that you could become a travel guide for international tourist groups! You could be self-employed or work with a travel agency if there is one near you!

A third thought I had - you said you had horses - do you know how to ride them? I was thinking maybe you could teach horse-riding lessons!

I definitely understand about not feeling able to work around children when you feel depressed. I have had to cancel babysitting my own young cousin because I did not feel up to it. I can take being around adults at such times but not a child who is looking up to me as a model adult and source of comfort.

Are any of these ideas feasible?

Hi Purchase,

thanks a lot for sharing your ideas with me - it was a great help!

I have phoned some travel agencys and I feel back on track now .

I have plans and hope for my furure again - thanks!! !


Love Kati