I never had any desire to go to a dance so I never went to one. I never done the dating thing either. I could never get a date despite my best efforts. I also never liked affection with anyone but my current girlfriend & my exes, then I love it. I never initiated touching or other affection with anyone else. Those 3 relationships were long distance & we never really talked affectionately until we had discussed things. However if I had done the actual dating thing, I would of never initiated touch or physical affection until we had discussed things 1st or the woman would of started doing it 1st at least.
I was bullied a lot in elementary school & I ended up getting in trouble for fighting back or even if I didn't do anything they would say I physically hurt them & I always ended up in trouble for it. When I was in 6th grade I got in trouble at school for grabbing a boy's crotch during a fight & as a result I kinda developed an OCD fear that I would get accused of something like sexual assault if I were to accidentally touch a stranger or if they accidentally touched me like if we were to brush against each other in a crowded store or crowded bus. That's part of the reason I take a Klonopin before going out & taking a bus that might be crowded, to prevent my OCD from triggering an anxiety attack.
I'll briefly explain the crotch grabbing incident. A boy classmate was messing with me before school started trying to start a fight with me. We fought for abit & then ended it. He then told the teacher I grabbed his crotch. I would NEVER do something like that on purpose but it's possible I accidentally brushed against it while we were fighting but at the time I really believed I did not even touch it. I insisted I did not do it but the teacher & principal did NOT believe me. The principle had a meeting with me & my dad the next morning to discuss it & my dad asked if they were any witnesses. The principle said she didn't think he would lie & my dad didn't say much after that. The principal had recommend I'd get counseling to learn about inappropriate touches but my parents didn't really believe I did it cuz it was completely out of character for me to do something like that. I had never expressed sexual interest in guys & I didn't like others touching me & would only touch others when I had to. There's no reason I would grab any guys crotch. My parents also knew bullies lied on me. There's a chance my parents would of been open to considering I did it but after my dad saw the way I was railroaded, my parents gave me the benefit of the doubt at least & we never even talked about it after that day & they didn't fuss me, punish me, or send me to counseling or anything. I switched schools shortly after. My parents found out about a school for dyslexia that they could get to & I struggled majorly in school due to my dyslexia so I switched & things were aLOT better for me there.
16 Jun 2021, 4:36 am
