Harder for girls with ASD to find relationships than guys?

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the thing is, since society is made up of lots of individuals and not walking cliches, why do you seek to make even more generalisations than there are already?

You will never be able to paint a blanket that describes Most Women without leaving out a large portion of women who simply don't fit that mould. Ditto the guys.

The differences between individuals of a gender is larger than between All Men and All Women, so to state something is definitely harder for one group than the other is largely academic and serves only to ignore or sweep over the difficulties (and the qualities) faced by people who don't fit their box.

I've never tried to find a boyfriend. I've never grown out of the phase where girls think boys are icky. I'm not gay or lesbian becuase I feel the same way twoards other women. I'm happy being by myself and single but society insists I need friends and a mate in order to be happy.

I answered this question in a different thread. There is a reason why I seek to do so in some cases and I think it is a valid one.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3794849 ... t=#3794849



That's not the point. See thread above.



That is absolutely untrue. It simply depends on what you are talking about.

For example, there is virtually no overlap in the male verses female NORMAL DISTRIBUTIONS of circulating testosterone levels. No overlap. Do you know what that means? Even the man with the least testosterone (unless "he" has a very rare disorder, and in this case "he" would likely appear to be female, even in genitals) still has a lot more than the women with the most testosterone (aside from women with rare disorders, in which case they likely appear to be male).

And there is not a single system in the body that is not influenced by testosterone throughout development.

Yes actually, but thanks for the English lesson. The thing is the thread here isn't about testorone levels; it's on the quite subjective topic of 'who has it harder' in the dating world; a topic that, you must admit, is usually covered in Cosmo rather than scientific journals!

I do not have the time to search through your other threads to understand what you mean; I'm afraid that if you don't give people the information they need in the current thread, you should not be surprised when some confusion arises

I also still don't believe you can simply extrapolate from one popular theory about male-brains to conclusions on whether 'women have it harder' and I've seen my fair share of threads like these already, so I'm going to bow out now and leave it to others to post their own views on this subject instead- hopefully you will get the debate you want.

I would anticipate that this would make it easier for women than for men (comparing both with AS). Of course, as everyone has noted, generalizations are inherently inadequate.

Women with AS Dating Positives:

Often have one female friend or several male friends. One might conclude from this that it is easier for women with AS to identify or associate with men. Men have less complex emotional requirements, so may come as a relief. This is certainly true for me. Having more or mostly male friends exposes one to greater chances for meeting a mate.

May have a more logical approach to their own emotions - thus they may be less demanding on a mate, and be able to achieve greater long-term success with 'T' type males (in terms of meyers briggs).

May have more masculine interests - and thus through association become 'that one girl who liked DnD' for instance. When working or living in a predominantly male area, potential success is increased just by the mere act of existing.

Women with AS Negatives:
May be unable to take up the 'nurterer' role in relationships that stereotypes suggest women should should occupy.

Are less likely to be overly concerned with looks, and thus may have a difficult time attracting the attention of visio-centric men.

May have a difficult time comprehending that a man is interested, and thus fail to give signals of reciprocation (which is a problem both genders with AS have)

May experience difficulties with being 'too masculine' - that is, a male may feel emasculated or threatened by his mates masculine interests, or lack of typical femaleness.

May also be too demonstrative of her own interest when she pursues someone. This may be offputting for men who prefer that they make the first move.

I could do a list for men as well, but I think overall, women with AS - if they are nerdy - are able to capitalize on their attributes better, compared to men with AS.

Yeah I understand what you're saying. I'm trying not to look at it subjectively, but more in terms of attractiveness to the opposite gender as measured by a sample of the population. The way I'm looking at it, it is not subjective. You could test the idea in a speed-dating study with AS males/females and controls, have their attractiveness rated by a random sample, and see who does better.

Lets have some fun with generalizations. Bold is me.

So I argue that an ASD causes alot more problems for men when it comes to finding relationships (maintaining them is another topic).

A lot of the ones for 'what women find attractive in men' I find rather disturbing. Psychological dominance?! That sounds... horrific. I was with a guy who did that once... I won't say what else he did. Its not attractive. In fact, most of the ones on the list seem to be about what shallow women want, who are unattainable by most men anyway. Dependability and Cleverness can be vouched for, however.

Mmm, and pardon for arguing with something that is essentially an opinion, I just find it disturbing that that is your list of what 'women find desirable' It kind of reads as 'good looking psychopath'

Hehe it's not as bad as it sounds. In practice it means having unwavering confidence, strong body language; behavior that implies he wants for nothing.

Why did you list so many more things for women-like-in-men?

I suppose what I'm saying could be reduced to femininity/masculinity. I was suggesting that if ASD represents a hyper-masculinized brain, males should conform to a masculine stereotype more easily than a women will conform to a feminine stereotype in terms of interpersonal relationships.

Also, I've realized that my opinion is biased because the guys with AS I've know were super high-functioning, i.e. they made a lot of money for being computer geniuses.

One other comment: I think its unfair to say that sexual eagerness is not affected in ASD. Of course there are some with ASD who have normal sex lives, but from everything I've read, people with ASD are more often uncomfortable with that level of intimacy... note, I'm not talking about "sex drive", which is unaffected and can be dealt with in isolation. I'm talking about being able to do that with another person, and approaching it in a "feminine" way seems important to men (you can gather than from reading any self-help book about how to have sex with men), and you admit this is often reduced in ASD.

Last edited by Koko23 on 04 Jul 2011, 6:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Actually, I'd think that stoicism (not showing weakness, or any emotion to a great extent) is generally interpreted as psychosocial dominance. People with AS give off the stoic/mysterious vibe in my experience, and I think a lot of girls are drawn to that sort of "nothing phases me" personality.