What's causing what?

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I've posted a lot in this part of the forum about my problems...but the good news is that the new medicine has got rid of the depression. I'm not "happy" whatever that means...but not miserable, suicidal, and am reading/exercising/watching movies a lot to keep me busy. Still think about women, but more like 60/65 percent of the day as opposed to 99.9 percent...and not having extra horny dreams at night.

Now what I'm curious about is what was causing what.

The minute this med combination stops working, even if it's just temporarily, I'll be back to where I was...not only suicidal...but also obsessed with wanting to lose the V card and begging women on dating sites, literally most women within reason, to meet me for sexual purposes...then regretting it...and having that whole headgame.

So I guess what I'm wondering is...was the stress of the hypersexuality making me suicidal, or would I have been suicidal anyway? I know I'd be depressed regardless of the women/sex stuff when meds aren't working...but when it gets to that "extra" level where I'm obsessing and obsessing about obsessing...I'm wondering if it's because of the depression...or if that's what's making the depression a lot worse?

In other words...I'm wondering if I lost the V-card and totally had sex demystified...knew that even if for one day/one night I was wanted by a woman I was into...knew that sex wasn't this big deal...if I relapsed and got depressed again, if it would be a lot easier to deal with from then on?

That's the funny thing...right now I feel no urgency to meet a woman...for sex...a girlfriend...or both. My reason for wanting to meet a woman is for precautionary reasons.

I suggest you talk it over with your psychiatrist. It sounds a bit complicated and the psychiatrist has the best insight into how the medication you are taking affects the psychological and physical elements of your conflicts.

I do know some anti-depressants help with obsessive compulsive tendencies and reduce libido also.

It sounds like you are focusing on things that are keeping you engaged in life. I think that is great, and it will probably help to keep you from getting depressed again. I suggest you talk it over with your psychiatrist before you decide to go off the medication, in case you consider that option.

Consider visiting a massage parlor for close personal contact or using an escort service for a more intimate connection. You could also visit Las Vegas to legally see a call girl.

I personally believe that sex is not what Hollywood makes it out to be. I would rather cuddle with a dog than a magazine model.

I guess what I'm wondering is, was the sexual frustration and feeling like "less of a person" for being a virgin and the high libido the direct cause of the depression...and if so...could I then get rid of the frustration forever simply by having sex with a woman and demystifying sex?

Also, my standards are reasonable, especially now that I'm on the proper meds...so I won't need to visit a "professional" to have sex.

If the problem is obessive compulsive disorder and currently it is over being a virgin, losing the viriginity might take your mind off that one issue, but that in itself is not likely to cure the underlying issues, particularly if they are related to neurochemical imbalances in your brain, that may relate to obsessive compulsive disorder.

Having sex one time might make you feel better about yourself temporarily, but to keep from being depressed one has to continue to do positive things to make themselves feel better.

Most people feel frustration over sexual issues off and on their entire life. There is no way to cure frustration forever. If you have sex and don't like it, that could be just as frustrating.

Feeling like less of a person can cause low self esteem and depression. A good relationship might help your self-esteem, but a one time event of sex would be a temporary fix at most.

Now that your standards are reasonable, it sounds like you have a better chance of getting into a relationshiop, if that is what you want.

I just find it interesting and no coincidence that now that my sex drive is at a bare minimum (I like looking at women, but don't have sex dreams at night anymore or look at any type of porn or nude pictures or masturbate), I feel better than I have in years and am more productive and on the go than I've been in about 5 years.

My hope actually is that I don't love sex when I have it, so it can be put to rest for good. And if I start obsessing over something else (since OCD along with hormones is/was the issue) it won't be women or sex.

Sounds like an extremely good attitude. The brain wasn't designed for instant gratification. Pornography is the greatest instant gratification tool known to man outside opiate drugs, and the results of addiction to instant gratification can be a general desensitation to the normal things in life that give us small everyday pleasures. The result is often depression.

It sounds like your brain has become balanced once again. Not many come to this understanding; the same understanding can be applied to any other instant gratification in life: sugar, or even an excess of fatty meats stimulate the same opiate centers, the biggest reason behind obesity in our country, it's an addiction that some can't stop from childhood into old age.

TV, Video Games, and other stimulating electronic devices also stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain; staying constantly stimulated with no rest from stimulation, reduces patience, attention span, and increases frustration, and anxiety. Also, desensitizing ourselves to small pleasures.

The exercise you are doing is a great way to increase all beneficial neurochemicals, to burn off stress chemicals, and increase mood, while the quiet reading is an exercise in patience that can increase attention span.

Sounds like you are moving in a good direction. I wouldn't even worry about the sex if you can. If it happens it happens, meanwhile if you are feeling better that's all that counts.

I'd argue that the brain wasn't designed at all.



Pornography can also be one of the greatest sources of release as well. It's not all negative.

I find all this dismissal of instant gratification very Victorian; it was they who embraced this notion that nothing was worth having without having put a great deal of effort in first. The protestant work ethic and all that. Of course, it was all about keeping the peons in line.

All I know is I was feeling good the last 3 weeks...wasn't concerned with obtaining sex, masturbated once (and that was only to see if I was impotent or if I was still able to)...then yesterday I start to feel really horny like in the past, and masturbate to porn.

Today I'm on plentyoffish arguing with shallow women that overrate their physical appearance and doing the same bs I was doing before i was put on the new medicine 3 weeks ago.

For me, any interest in sex (not women, but sex as an isolated goal without emotional rapport) is a dangerous and angry thing.

Ruled by the laws of nature that work in tandem for survival; something we can measure with the scientific method, if you prefer. However, science clearly shows the pitfalls of instant gratification.

Pornography, to some measure, has always been a part of life, an inherent part of survival. It's not the positive reinforcement that is the problem, it is the amount of positive reinforcement that is the problem. Our strongest evolutionary motivator has been one for intermittent positive reinforcement; simply a result of the reality of environment.

The environment has dramatically changed, but our basic nature stays relatively the same. We are subject to what feels the best, but in gaining a scientific understanding of human nature, one can regulate the best outcomes, if one chooses to. We are fortunate to have science to help us make the best cognitive solutions.

A monkey doesn't understand what cocaine is, the monkey will take hit after hit, until it causes death. Humans on the other hand have a cognitive understanding of what the outcomes are and can take disclipinary action to avoid them. It's psychology 101, but the same observations on human nature have been made for thousands of years in many religions, in the idea of moderation.

Moderation was a way of life for Hunters and Gatherers, not by intention but by availability of environmental resource. An agrarian society changed that, some found an understanding how to deal with overabundance of positive reinforcement through observation of the negative impacts, and used that observation to their advantage.

It took science awhile to catch up and measure it with the scientific method, but the research is clear now and getting clearer as science continues to catch up with culture and how it impacts basic human nature.

A good thing to talk to your psychiatrist or therapist about; you might also ask about the medicine and how it should affect your libido.

It sounds like a pretty serious issue; porn will naturally increase your interest in sex, and raise testosterone levels; possibly, along with levels of aggression, depending on the individual. We get interested in sex because of what we see, moreso, as the male of the species.

The anger and emotions are harder to deal with. Another issue with Aspergers is estimates of over 80% of people with Aspergers experience issues with understanding their emotions, a condition called Alexithymia. Something else you might want to discuss with someone; it could be part of the problem.

I'm not good at emotions, so I tend to look at this from a scientific perspective rather than an emotional one myself. If you can't find the help you need here, hopefully a therapist can help you resolve the issue, if you choose that route.

the reason i'm hesitant to go to a talk therapist (i have a psychiatrist and have regular check ups with him) is because i'm not sure how much of this is directly caused by the v card and wanting to experience real life sex (may or may not have mentioned in this post, but have mentioned all over the forum that i experienced all of foreplay including oral) and wanting to go all the way, see what the big deal is...and also the feeling of being wanted that way by a woman. i've dated a couple women, had women "like me" enough to go on dates with me...the first girl, do all that foreplay...the second girl, we got along real well personality wise...but for any straight man, it's a blow to the male ego to not be desired sexually, even just once.

so i'm not sure how a talk therapist could help me unless he knew women that wanted sex.

if i have sex and when i get horny, i still get angry and full of negative emotions, then i agree i should be talking to someone about it...but for all i know, i could have sex, not love it...then this whole problem disappears.

the problem is finding someone (who isn't apesh*t crazy or thoroughly unattractive) to have sex with.

You mentioned emotional rapport; if you went the professional route you are not going to get that; the only solution then as you say is to find someone. I'm no good for advice there. In my day it was Bars and dancing. There are still bars, but I'm not sure if people even dance that much anymore, like they did when I was young. I met my wife at work (a customer there); don't know if you work, but people often find someone at work. I think a lot of people use the internet now, but from what you've mentioned it doesn't sound like that has been working out well for you. Other than that, there's church, even if you went there that might require more patience for what you want. Good luck, hope you find someone that meets your needs.

I can wait for a serious girlfriend. I have criteria besides looks (similar personality type/life goals/common interests) and am the type of person who would rather be in no relationship than a bad or unsatisfying one. I would just like, within the next few months hopefully, to meet a woman on the online dating sites I go on that just wants a fun time. A lot of guys will lead a girl on, get the fun, then leave...I want a girl that is looking for casual. Doesn't have to be the first or second meeting...I know women, even when engaging in recreational sex, aren't that easy (the sane ones anyway)...but a woman that is just looking for fun between the two of us.

My standards for that are more simple...basically a woman I find "ok" looking and get along with on a basic level.

Finding a serious girlfriend is a process...which is why I figure one night of fun, though it doesn't happen often for most guys, is more feasible at the moment...as far as, it happens and I have my answers.

Sounds reasonable that you may be successful in your goal within a few months. There were lots of women looking for fun in the 70's and 80's. I'm sure that is even moreso now; judging from everything I understand.