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liloleme
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07 Jul 2011, 4:53 am

I put up a post about my kids evaluations but I took it down as I felt it was too personal and also so long I doubt many people took the time to read it anyway. I saved it to a word file for myself.
Anyway during the evaluation when we talked about my son so many things hit me that were so similar. We usually say that he is the male version of me but we do have our differences like he is good in math but cant read. I live to read but cant do math to save my life. However I have found something that is very similar. His teachers and other people have been giving me a hard time for the past few years about my sons obsession with "violent" things. He is interested in war, weapons, vampires, warriors, ect and he typically draws things exploding and flying cats with guns :lol: . Anyway I always tell people that its harmless and he is very loving, carries stuffed animals around with him and even saves insects from being killed. The psychologist at the center where my kids were evaluated for therapy (they have both been diagnosed for many years but we moved to France a year ago and they wanted to evaluate them to see what they both needed) said that the reason he loves these things is because its how he deals with his anxiety. Like me he has been bullied and he also has that natural aspie anxiety. So he fantasizes about these warriors or vampires protecting him from the "bad" people or he pretends to be strong and able to do things he cant do, to be "cool". I used to daydream constantly which is why I have no problem with him doing this even though Ive been faulted for this as well (people say he looks strange jumping around making sound effects, we call it playing in his head), I know how important it is. However I thought we daydreamed or fantasized about different things and for different reasons but Ive found its actually the same. I now write stories and they are always about a large type of person or creature who protects the smaller one even though I make my "smaller" characters have more personality and I make them more like me or like I wish I could be, much the same way he does. I always thought It was because I did not have a good Dad when I was a kid that I would have daydreams about a larger man or even a vampire (oddly enough) or some type of creature protecting me and taking care of me but now I think maybe it was more my way, as it is his, to protect myself, to ease my anxiety. I have known for years that it is a coping mechanism but I did not really know the true reason behind it. When I was a kid I was made to feel bad about daydreaming, the teachers and my parents would talk about it as a bad thing. They would say it was keeping me from my potential and preventing me from paying attention. Of course this would just make me do it more as it created more stress and anxiety.
Anyway....I think Im "sharing" too much again.
Im thankful that my kids will be getting the assistance that they need and they are surrounded by people who do understand them. I was worried at first but after getting these reports and hearing what they are going to do with my kids this next school year, I feel so much better. My kids may have a lot of hurdles and be way behind in some areas but they also have a lot of strengths and are way ahead in some areas, plus they have understanding which I always say IS most vital to our kids growing up and having a happy and healthy life.



Annmaria
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07 Jul 2011, 8:18 am

I was suppose to type a different website address, but typed wrong planet instead, I decided to log on thought it meant something. Saw your post I am very glad I did, I have been worried about my son and his obessions with vampires. Reading your post has taking so much worry away, thank you :D


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liloleme
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07 Jul 2011, 2:08 pm

I think the lure of vampires is that they are immortal which certainly appeals to kids. I was always terrified of death as a child and I thought that maybe vampires were nice sometimes to some people and they were certainly someone you would want on your side if things got bad. I was so excited when I started to read Anne Rice when I got older because she made vampires more likeable. Now days there are cartoons and games with vampires and my son also loves bats. There is a French cartoon about a vampire family. Also maybe because they are strange but powerful at the same time that they appeal to aspies. I also used to love the Adams Family for the same reason.
Anyway, glad I could help you inadvertently :lol: !



pollyfinite
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07 Jul 2011, 3:26 pm

I have two more examples of the war play. My son (Tourette's) uses a sword he's had since he was two, to walk around and play. It is the only toy he uses other than video games. Another boy in our Tourette's group does the same but playing sniper.

In my son's school, they offer him a tube that he can hold and walk with and they redirect him if he says, does, things inappropriate and this has really worked well.

However, the other boy's school has been very hard on his mother and him and not found other outlets for him. It really saddens me because I think this is quite normal for kids on the spectrum.

I think learning appropriate times, places, and language can help especially if it is done in an accepting way.



Wreck-Gar
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07 Jul 2011, 7:53 pm

liloleme wrote:
I put up a post about my kids evaluations but I took it down as I felt it was too personal and also so long I doubt many people took the time to read it anyway. I saved it to a word file for myself.
Anyway during the evaluation when we talked about my son so many things hit me that were so similar. We usually say that he is the male version of me but we do have our differences like he is good in math but cant read. I live to read but cant do math to save my life. However I have found something that is very similar. His teachers and other people have been giving me a hard time for the past few years about my sons obsession with "violent" things. He is interested in war, weapons, vampires, warriors, ect and he typically draws things exploding and flying cats with guns :lol: . Anyway I always tell people that its harmless and he is very loving, carries stuffed animals around with him and even saves insects from being killed. The psychologist at the center where my kids were evaluated for therapy (they have both been diagnosed for many years but we moved to France a year ago and they wanted to evaluate them to see what they both needed) said that the reason he loves these things is because its how he deals with his anxiety. Like me he has been bullied and he also has that natural aspie anxiety. So he fantasizes about these warriors or vampires protecting him from the "bad" people or he pretends to be strong and able to do things he cant do, to be "cool".


Personally I think the phsychologist may be reading too much into this...I used to do the exact same thing, all the time when I was a kid. And I never thought these "violent" things were protecting me or anything like that, it was just what I liked. I had a friend (another possible Aspie) who was into the same stuff and we both used to bring big shopping bags full of dragons, action figures, spaceships, etc to school everyday and act out scenarious with them at recess (while most of the other kids were playing some boring softball game!)

Even in high school & college (ok, even NOW during business meetings) I couldn't help doodling in my notebook.

I turned out totally fine. Heck, I even have a science fiction novel under consideration at several major publishers now and I hope to illustrate it if it gets published.

Oh and my friend who I used to play the dragons with? He is fine too, and he's got this whole big dragon motif in his apartment (we are nearly 40, btw!)



liloleme
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09 Jul 2011, 7:51 am

He is not saying that is the only reason he is interested in these things. What he was saying is that it does not indicate that he is a violent child, but rather than he has some issues with anxiety. When he was diagnosed at age 6 he made a few comments to the psychologist then that he was afraid like he said "I have to be careful or bad things could happen to me". He has been bullied a lot by other kids and he does have a natural fear of speaking to people or interacting with them at times. Most of the time he just wants to stay at home. Im thankful that he likes these people and they are more willing to understand him.


I have also written a science fiction novel about the angel of death. Its a complex idea or Id explain it. If you want to read it, Im always open to honest critics.