Is it a common Aspie trait to forgive easily?

Page 1 of 3 [ 40 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

donnie_darko
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Nov 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,981

07 Jul 2011, 10:22 am

I might get a little vengeful at times, but for the most part, for my whole life I've always been the forgiving kind. If somebody hurts me or someone I care about, I feel pain but I do not wish to reciprocate it back onto them. Even if someone killed a member of my family twice I'd probably forgive them each time, lol. Not because it wouldn't hurt extremely bad because it would but just because I feel revenge is not only futile but vile and not sweet at all. I think in extreme cases like that especially forgiveness is the only way a person can ever heal and feel happy again.

Ironically the only time I feel vengeful is when other people are vengeful. Like if I hear someone praise the death penalty I end up getting very angry since that personal obviously is capable of being moral and compassionate, being upset about murder, yet in the same breath condones doing the thing they hate right back to the offender. I almost feel like giving THEM the death penalty lol.

I have found almost nobody claims to be as forgiving as I do. Is this an aspie thing?

Aspies seem to be either extremely forgiving or extremely vengeful, not often in between.



gailryder17
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2011
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,038
Location: Los Angeles

07 Jul 2011, 10:36 am

I don't thing it's purely an Aspie trait. Sometimes I can be pretty forgiving. I'm one of those in-betweenies.


_________________
Hey!
Wait!
I've got a new complaint
Forever in debt to your priceless advice


Callista
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,775
Location: Ohio, USA

07 Jul 2011, 10:39 am

I'm like that too. People hurt me and I get angry and hurt, but I don't stay mad--I just avoid them. Not to say I won't take steps to stop them hurting me or anyone else again; that's why my stepfather spent time in jail. I don't let people get away with stuff and I don't let them walk all over me. But I don't see the sense in staying angry and holding a grudge. I'm capable of being perfectly pleasant while informing someone that they are acting like a horrible excuse for a human being. I get angrier if they hurt someone who's helpless, though. In those cases, when the person can't fight back, my sense of fairness kicks in and I can get pretty mad. But like I said, I don't stay mad. If anything, I'm too naive.


_________________
Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com

Autism Memorial:
http://autism-memorial.livejournal.com


OneStepBeyond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,310

07 Jul 2011, 10:49 am

i forgive for nearly anything because i find it hard not to see the other person's p.o.v, but don't forget



Todesking
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,088
Location: Depew NY

07 Jul 2011, 10:50 am

I never forgive or forget any wrong done against me.


_________________
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die -Hunter S. Thompson


abyssquick
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 7 May 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 365

07 Jul 2011, 11:12 am

I forgive chronically for 'small' stuff.... but as the trespasses get larger, I reach a breaking point where I can no longer trust anything they say or do and must excise the person from my life because I find myself unable to comprehend or trust them at all.



SyphonFilter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Feb 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 2,161
Location: The intersection of Inkopolis’ Plaza & Square where the Turf Wars lie.

07 Jul 2011, 11:13 am

I've forgiven almost everybody who has wronged me in the past. I won't be hostile towards them, but even though I'll forgive their actions, I'll never forget what they've done.



Bill43
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jun 2011
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 45

07 Jul 2011, 11:22 am

that there are people I hope I never encounter again in my life. They hurt me so badly. It is very hard for me to forgive and forget what they did. One day I think I am healed, the next I brood myself into misery over some past humiliation and injustice.



Georgia
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 242
Location: At the foot of the mountain

07 Jul 2011, 11:56 am

I can identify with so much of what has been said. It's hard for me to figure out people and their intentions in the first place. When things turn sour, I blame myself first, then remove them from my life as much as possible. It's especially confusing when people are nice in one context, and quite rude and mean in another. That confusion makes me feel stupid that I can't just let it go and move on. Unfortunately, letting things build to a blow-up is very familiar to me.


_________________
Hoppiness is lurv.


b9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,003
Location: australia

07 Jul 2011, 12:00 pm

Quote:
Is it a common Aspie trait to forgive easily?


i have no inborn notion of "forgiveness" because i have also not the opposite notion of "blame".

i do not understand what is truly meant by "blame" and "forgiveness". i have a working idea that "blame" is to do with hatred toward a person or thing that is faulty to a degree that precludes a person from what they wish to see develop.

"forgiveness" i would have to surmise is the opposite of "blame", and it would be some mechanism that unravels the "blame" thing.

you may wonder how i am so clueless about the subject of "forgiveness".

it is because i have never seen "people" (or "other decision making entities") as being responsible in any way for whatever direction my life eventuates in, and as long as no one is in my way, i have no reason to even consider them.

if they are in my way, then i will make efforts to step around them.
if they completely block my progress, then i see them as simple obstacles, and therefore i never enter situations where i may be occluded by jams of ramshackle hurdles that i have little consideration for the preservation of.

but anyway i do not have much experience in "forgiveness".

if i decide someone is a poor example of humanity due to some interaction i had with them that certified my impression, then it is impossible for me to ever have respect for them again. people are who they are all their lives, and so their apologies are nothing but acknowledgements of their shortcomings in a token way, and they mean nothing to me.

i could not care in the slightest about what ever happens in anyone else's consciousness than mine.

"sorry" to who ever is disappointed.



pree10shun
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,659
Location: Everywhere

07 Jul 2011, 12:01 pm

I am the forgiving and forgetting kind.. so I am dumb in that I expect I'd start from scratch in a relationship without it being tainted but the other person thinks I am easy to be walked all over because of that... so I learnt not to forget even though I act like I've forgiven.. If I forgive I tend to let it all go without a trace.



Irulan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 May 2007
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,212
Location: Poland

07 Jul 2011, 12:01 pm

Not in my case. I can wait for the opportunity for taking a revenge for years :twisted:



ocdgirl123
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Oct 2010
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,809
Location: Canada

07 Jul 2011, 12:43 pm

I am the opposite, I don't forgive people very easily. Well, I do with my friends, but with people who I have a bad experience from the start.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

07 Jul 2011, 12:46 pm

I was like this a lot as a child and I still find myself that way but I need to step in and not give people more chances.



Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

07 Jul 2011, 1:01 pm

If they explain their motives and honestly meant no harm then I can forgive most people if they apologise. The longer the gap between what happened and when they said sorry, the more likely I am to remember though..



MakaylaTheAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2011
Age: 27
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 14,565
Location: O'er the land of the so-called free and the home of the self-proclaimed brave. (Oregon)

07 Jul 2011, 1:05 pm

SyphonFilter wrote:
I've forgiven almost everybody who has wronged me in the past. I won't be hostile towards them, but even though I'll forgive their actions, I'll never forget what they've done.


I'm the same way.


_________________
Hi there! Please refer to me as Moss. Unable to change my username to reflect that change. Have a nice day. <3