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aann
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20 Jul 2011, 8:19 pm

Another thing is... NTs can dislike affection. I mentioned that my family was not very huggy/kissy. My dd went on a two week trip with other kids her age and teachers. The other moms in my region went nuts trying to micromanage the trip. One drove herself bonkers. They made me feel I was very abnormal. I did not miss my dd and she did not miss me. We are both NT. So, this may be more typical of aspies but it is not exactly bad or weird.



Ettina
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20 Jul 2011, 9:38 pm

Quote:
I was wondering if this was the usual for kids with an ASD. My daughter is 5 and she does not return affection often. I can hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her but she never wants to hug or kiss me back. I honestly think I can count the number of times she has told me that she loves me on one hand.

I am, not a horrible mother. I try really hard. I think sometimes I try too hard because I spend what seems like every moment of the day worrying about her. I worry about her so much that I feel horrible anxiety. I just want to do my best.


As others have stated, not hugging/kissing you doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

One thought - from working with autistic kids, I've found those I really connected with all had their own quirky ways of showing affection, which someone else wouldn't have understood. One boy, when we were in the pool, he'd step on my feet when he was feeling affectionate, because I played a game where I tickled his foot with mine once. I also recall in the 'Autism Every Day' video, seeing this one boy stimming by waving his fingers in his face while his Mom was being interviewed, and then he spontaneously stuck his fingers in her face. She just seemed annoyed by it, but I suspect he was trying to give her the same enjoyment he got from stimming. I also know myself, I tend to sit nearby my parents when I'm feeling affectionate towards them. I may completely ignore them, but just being near them is a sign of how I feel about them. (Cats do the same thing.)

So, take a look and see if your daughter might be showing her affection for you in a different way than hugging/kissing.



momsparky
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21 Jul 2011, 2:17 pm

Ettina wrote:
Quote:
I was wondering if this was the usual for kids with an ASD. My daughter is 5 and she does not return affection often. I can hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her but she never wants to hug or kiss me back. I honestly think I can count the number of times she has told me that she loves me on one hand.

I am, not a horrible mother. I try really hard. I think sometimes I try too hard because I spend what seems like every moment of the day worrying about her. I worry about her so much that I feel horrible anxiety. I just want to do my best.


As others have stated, not hugging/kissing you doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

One thought - from working with autistic kids, I've found those I really connected with all had their own quirky ways of showing affection, which someone else wouldn't have understood. One boy, when we were in the pool, he'd step on my feet when he was feeling affectionate, because I played a game where I tickled his foot with mine once. I also recall in the 'Autism Every Day' video, seeing this one boy stimming by waving his fingers in his face while his Mom was being interviewed, and then he spontaneously stuck his fingers in her face. She just seemed annoyed by it, but I suspect he was trying to give her the same enjoyment he got from stimming. I also know myself, I tend to sit nearby my parents when I'm feeling affectionate towards them. I may completely ignore them, but just being near them is a sign of how I feel about them. (Cats do the same thing.)

So, take a look and see if your daughter might be showing her affection for you in a different way than hugging/kissing.


Thank you, Ettina - this is really good information. I would never have thought of the stimming thing, but it makes perfect sense to me when presented this way.