Page 2 of 2 [ 19 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

littlelily613
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Feb 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,608
Location: Canada

20 Jul 2011, 2:53 pm

LawsOfIllusion wrote:
I was wondering if this was the usual for kids with an ASD. My daughter is 5 and she does not return affection often. I can hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her but she never wants to hug or kiss me back. I honestly think I can count the number of times she has told me that she loves me on one hand.

I am, not a horrible mother. I try really hard. I think sometimes I try too hard because I spend what seems like every moment of the day worrying about her. I worry about her so much that I feel horrible anxiety. I just want to do my best.


For people on the spectrum it is quite common to dislike being touched and cuddled. This is regardless of who the person giving the touches and cuddles is. It is also often difficult for some of us to reciprocate feelings and emotions in a verbal manner and to describe how we feel to others. Her lack of affection does not mean she lacks love for you inside. She is just not able to express as other children can and as you would like for her to.

LawsOfIllusion wrote:
My other question is about using the washeroom. My daughter who has been fully potty trained since just a little over two has been refusing to urinate unless she is almost having an accident.


This issue is a bit more difficult for me to address since I do not have children of my own. When you say she refuses to pee, does that mean she just does not go to bathroom on her own or does that mean that even if you take her to the bathroom, sit her on the toilet, and wait, she still will not go?

Also, this might not even be an asd related thing. My nephews both, when they were younger, did not go to the bathroom (#1 or #2...unfortunately!) because they were simply too lazy to go. I am not saying this is the case for your daughter, but it is still a possibility to keep in mind, perhaps. Lazy might be to strong of a word here, but basically what happened was this: they would be so caught up in what they were doing that they would not want to stop to use the bathroom. I don't know why they preferred making a mess in their pants which forced them to have to stop what they were doing anyway and get cleaned up, but this was ALWAYS the logic they gave us ("I was having too much fun and didn't want to stop." And I think my older nephew actually did say once that he was just too lazy to go inside to the bathroom.) It was a nasty habit that had to be broken. It could still be more than that for your daughter, of course, but I just thought I would through out the possibility since that is all I can think of.


This has been happening for a little while. She doesn't have any pain or anything, so I don't think it is a UTI.

If anyone has some advice or can make sense of this please do.

Thanks so much![/quote]


_________________
Diagnosed with classic Autism
AQ score= 48
PDD assessment score= 170 (severe PDD)
EQ=8 SQ=93 (Extreme Systemizer)
Alexithymia Quiz=164/185 (high)


aann
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 509

20 Jul 2011, 8:19 pm

Another thing is... NTs can dislike affection. I mentioned that my family was not very huggy/kissy. My dd went on a two week trip with other kids her age and teachers. The other moms in my region went nuts trying to micromanage the trip. One drove herself bonkers. They made me feel I was very abnormal. I did not miss my dd and she did not miss me. We are both NT. So, this may be more typical of aspies but it is not exactly bad or weird.



Ettina
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,552

20 Jul 2011, 9:38 pm

Quote:
I was wondering if this was the usual for kids with an ASD. My daughter is 5 and she does not return affection often. I can hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her but she never wants to hug or kiss me back. I honestly think I can count the number of times she has told me that she loves me on one hand.

I am, not a horrible mother. I try really hard. I think sometimes I try too hard because I spend what seems like every moment of the day worrying about her. I worry about her so much that I feel horrible anxiety. I just want to do my best.


As others have stated, not hugging/kissing you doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

One thought - from working with autistic kids, I've found those I really connected with all had their own quirky ways of showing affection, which someone else wouldn't have understood. One boy, when we were in the pool, he'd step on my feet when he was feeling affectionate, because I played a game where I tickled his foot with mine once. I also recall in the 'Autism Every Day' video, seeing this one boy stimming by waving his fingers in his face while his Mom was being interviewed, and then he spontaneously stuck his fingers in her face. She just seemed annoyed by it, but I suspect he was trying to give her the same enjoyment he got from stimming. I also know myself, I tend to sit nearby my parents when I'm feeling affectionate towards them. I may completely ignore them, but just being near them is a sign of how I feel about them. (Cats do the same thing.)

So, take a look and see if your daughter might be showing her affection for you in a different way than hugging/kissing.



momsparky
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,831

21 Jul 2011, 2:17 pm

Ettina wrote:
Quote:
I was wondering if this was the usual for kids with an ASD. My daughter is 5 and she does not return affection often. I can hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her but she never wants to hug or kiss me back. I honestly think I can count the number of times she has told me that she loves me on one hand.

I am, not a horrible mother. I try really hard. I think sometimes I try too hard because I spend what seems like every moment of the day worrying about her. I worry about her so much that I feel horrible anxiety. I just want to do my best.


As others have stated, not hugging/kissing you doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

One thought - from working with autistic kids, I've found those I really connected with all had their own quirky ways of showing affection, which someone else wouldn't have understood. One boy, when we were in the pool, he'd step on my feet when he was feeling affectionate, because I played a game where I tickled his foot with mine once. I also recall in the 'Autism Every Day' video, seeing this one boy stimming by waving his fingers in his face while his Mom was being interviewed, and then he spontaneously stuck his fingers in her face. She just seemed annoyed by it, but I suspect he was trying to give her the same enjoyment he got from stimming. I also know myself, I tend to sit nearby my parents when I'm feeling affectionate towards them. I may completely ignore them, but just being near them is a sign of how I feel about them. (Cats do the same thing.)

So, take a look and see if your daughter might be showing her affection for you in a different way than hugging/kissing.


Thank you, Ettina - this is really good information. I would never have thought of the stimming thing, but it makes perfect sense to me when presented this way.